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Dr Alex Goes to Sundance: 4 Tips on Closing the Deal
by Dr. Alex Benzer
of Tao of Dating
April 6th, 2008
I spent most of last week in Park City, Utah, at the world-famous Sundance Film Festival.
This is the world's foremost independent film festival. Hundreds of new movies are screened there, and about 60,000 people from all over the world come for the festival.
A lot of big companies take this opportunity to get exposure for themselves. So there's a lot of money spent there on promotions and parties.
As you can guess, the combination of movies, promotions, parties and money means that there are tons of good-looking people at Sundance. Women specifically.
And they're not just good-looking. They're *professionally* good-looking.
They are everywhere. Walking down the street. In the coffee shops. At the parties. And they are there specifically because they are hot.
So this makes for a lot of eye candy for sure. But the big Tao of Dating question is: are you necessarily going to have more fun because of it? And are you going to have more fulfillment?
Basically, are you going to score, brother?
Now I don't know what your personal definition of 'scoring' is. For one guy, it's getting the nerve to chat up that seriously beautiful girl standing over there. For another, it's getting a phone number or making out. For another, it's Bambi, Barbi and Brandi naked in the hot tub with him sipping Dom Perignon champagne.
In this article, I'm here to tell you about the #1 determinant of whether you are going to close your deal or not. And that determinant is...
Logistics.
Yessir. After all that reading about this technique and that, meditating, listening to Mindtracks, getting one with yourself, projecting positive energy and all that good stuff, it all comes down to something as mundane as Where, When and How.
There has to be a time for meeting, a place for meeting, and a way to make it happen.
And, when you DO meet, you have to provide an environment of safety and comfort.
As I discuss in the Chapter 9 of the Tao of Dating, 'Advanced Techniques for Attraction' -- available at www.thetaoofdating.com/order if you don't already have it -- a woman will only get intimate with you if she feels safe and comfortable.
This is as true at a place like Sundance as it is in your own neighborhood. Human courtship behavior has been more or less the same for thousands of years. One party ain't going to change it that much.
So here are some ideas for making it more likely that you will close the deal.
1) Minimize the distance between your final destination and the meeting place.
By final destination, I mean a place of safety and comfort that allows you to get intimate. That often means your place or hers.
If your pad is walking distance from the meeting places -- restaurant, club, other party -- that's great. If you have to drive but it's still close, that's good.
Of course, by throwing a party at your place or having her over for dinner, that distance becomes zero. So with a little bit of up-front investment and effort, you improve your outcome down the road. Build it, and she will come.
2) Hang with people who are less attractive than you are.
Once I devoted a whole article to explaining why hanging out with a wingman who is better-looking than you can only hurt your chances of success.
A similar thing happens at a place like Sundance. One tends to be surrounded by all kinds of people who may be more influential, richer and better-looking.
So unless you're a reel big fish yourself (heh), you've got some competition around. Sure, you're plenty charming and funny. But if she's a U2 fan and Bono is standing right next to you, the chances of her giving you her full, undivided attention just went down.
Don't get me wrong -- there will *always* be competition. In fact, all of life pretty much boils down to a competition for resources.
However, you don't have to hobble yourself by playing completely out of your league. So, pick a spot where you can do well and be a 'local maximum' as I call it.
Even at a place like Sundance, you can do that by hosting a party. Sure, you may be a medium-sized fish. But you just shrunk down the size of the pond and made yourself the biggest fish in there. Good move.
Why? Because the female mind is equipped to detect status. Higher status means higher attractiveness. The party host usually has the highest status at the party. Oh, and we're already at your place -- how very convenient.
3) Provide plausible reasons for going to the destination.
There's that oft-quoted study that shows that when you give people a reason, they are much more likely to comply with your request. At a queue for a copy machine, "Can I cut in line" does a lot worse than "Can I cut in line BECAUSE I'm late for an interview."
And of course, the funniest part is "Can I cut in line BECAUSE I want to make some copies" does almost exactly as well as the more plausible reason.
In the 'Tao of Persuasion' teleseminar, available at www.taoofpersuasion.com, we spend a fair amount of time talking about how to phrase your requests for maximum success. And adding 'because' or some conjunction of causality like it works wonders.
Of course, plausibility helps, too. At a place like Sundance, a Jacuzzi, a sauna, and a bottle of champagne are a welcome respite from the bitter cold outside. So it's an easy thing to say 'yes' to.
You can also have easy things to say 'yes' to in your household. Some really nice tea. Espresso from your badass new Gaggia machine. This really cool new thingamabob that you got. Activate the power of curiosity.
And remember that if she doesn't already like you, she's not going anywhere with you anyway. It's not like you're being mega-crafty here by saying 'wanna come see my etchings.' She knows what's up. You're just making it easy for her to say yes.
And the most important element of closing any deal is...
4) Take the lead.
In the human courtship dance, the way things have been arranged for the past few hundred thousand years is that you, the man, make stuff happen. You kill the bison and offer her the meat, you invite her to the dance floor, you lead the dance.
She is simply not going to do your work for you, so don't expect it. You get to take all the risk and expose yourself to screwing up. And it's great! Because you're in control.
So in dating situations, take the lead. Arrange the evening from beginning to end. Lock down the meeting time and place. Tell her what you'll be doing instead of asking for permission. Say "I have tickets for the opera at 8pm. I'll pick you up at your place at 7. Please be ready by 6.45pm. We have dinner reservations afterwards."
Some of my students have found it very useful to tell the woman what to wear as well. Why? Because the women kept on asking "What should I wear?" every time they were asked out. So the boys caught on: "Ah, this must be important to them -- and an area in which I can take the lead."
So tell her to wear a cocktail dress if it's that kind of event. Or something blue if that’s what you're wearing. The point is, you're taking the lead when you're doing that. And that makes you Attractive.
You will also have to take the lead when it comes to physical interaction and intimacy. So KNOW that it's your job and don't chicken out! We'll talk more about that in a future article.
The power is within you,
Dr Alex
PS: Can you think of two friends who would also find this article useful? Then feel free
to do them a favor and forward the article to them.
PPS: I'm interested in your questions and comments regarding dating, persuasion and networking, so please do send them to me. I can be reached at dra***x@th***.com[ ? ]
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