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How to be More Successful in Dating by Being Your Own Damn Guru
by Dr. Alex Benzer
of Tao of Dating
February 19th, 2008
Dr Alex here, your trusty dating resource. Greetings to you all.
Today I want to talk about a more general topic related to your life at large. The concept, although not explicitly about dating, is eminently applicable to that area of life as well.
I got an email this morning about a video on 'Messages from Water', which is this curious publishing phenomenon.
Basically this Japanese gentleman, whom we shall call 'Dr X' to protect the shady, sells thousands of these books and videos about how water reacts to human thoughts and emotions.
For example, if you stick a label saying 'I hate you' on a glass of water, then the crystals from that glass come out ugly. If you put a label saying 'peace', or if you pray to it, or play traditional Japanese flute music around it, the crystals come out pretty.
Nope, I'm not making this up. And then, of course, there are the pictures to, um, prove the whole thing.
Now there's nothing particularly wrong about saying 'good thoughts good, bad thoughts bad'. But there is something subtly pernicious going on here.
Some of you immediately see this as bunk. Kudos to you. And some of you totally buy into this stuff and can't be budged, and this article isn't going to reach you anyway, so you might as well quit right now.
And then, another group of you think that, well, it sounds fishy, but there just maaaay be something to it. This article is particularly written for you.
I'm not going to bore you with a big ol' list of reasons why this guy is wrong and why 'Messages from Water' is a modern-day equivalent of snake oil, because that would be like trying to prove that Santa Claus doesn't exist: a time-consuming and futile exercise to demonstrate something self-evident to the already aware and wary.
What I do want to do is to urge you to examine all such claims critically and not be so easily led into believing things.
Consider that Dr X's photographers are given free rein to take the best pictures of the ice crystals based on aesthetic, not scientific, criteria.
Consider that it's essentially impossible to verify someone's emotional state such as to create a meaningful, reproducible experiment around the water.
And consider that 'Dr X' got his 'doctorate' from an unaccredited alternative medicine institute in India.
Folks -- there are a lot of people out there trying to tell you what to think, and how to live your life. Some may even say that I am one of them.
And what I want you to do is to examine what you hear. Especially what I have to say.
Your mind, the most complex instrument of all creation, was created not so you could follow others blindly, but so you would use it.
In the Transformation Weekend live seminar, one of the drills that we do is 'Lead-Follow'. One person leads, and the person behind him has a hand on the leader's right shoulder and just follows him wherever leader goes and whatever leader
does.
The funny thing is that, although annoying at first, after a couple of minutes, it feels really good to just follow. "I don't have to think! This is so easy!" It feels so good that entire nations have fallen into that trap.
And if feels really fun to lead at first, but after a while, it can become tiring and burdensome. Too much responsibility, almost.
So if you abdicate your own judgment and just unquestioningly listen to what I or others have to say, you've completely missed my message.
And what Dr X is saying, although seemingly benign, is perpetuating the kind of ignorance which can be very dangerous to your well-being in the long run. It's asking you to suspend your good judgment and instead to believe in something magical and near-supernatural.
It's asking you to follow.
Guys. Especially you who are reading right now. I don't want you to follow. I don't want you to be one of the sheeple.
I want you to lead. And I'm here to train a new generation of teachers and leaders.
When you hear an idea, test it. Try it on. If it works for you and enriches your life without taking away from it and reducing your personal power, use it. If not, move on.
In dating, as a man, your job is to take the lead. Approach her. Talk to her. Elicit information from her. Make the date, and make it interesting. Ask for what you want. Make no apologies for who you are.
This is the opposite of being a potted plant. Of waiting for lightning to strike. Of doing what is expected, or socially correct.
If you make the idea of leadership the cornerstone of your whole life, then you have no choice but to have it seep into your dating life as well.
Moreover, women have a sixth sense for natural leaders. They are irresistibly drawn to them. In the words of one sharp observer, "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac."
So as of today, I want you to make the decision to be a leader in at least one area of your life. Organize an event. Lead a hiking group. Get a bunch of friends together for a road trip. Collect funds for charity. Get an anti-war protest going. Start the next world religion. Take action, my friend.
And also, I want you to think critically about whose advice you're listening to.
If a fat, old, married guy who last went on a date in 1976 is giving you advice on weight loss and dating, you may wish to examine that critically.
If a really good-looking or wealthy guy wants to teach you how to be successful with women just like he is, you may wish to examine that critically.
Incidentally, a very interesting new study came out that tried to tease out what percentage of the business success of good-looking people came from their looks. It turns out that even on the phone where looks don't matter, good-looking people are 30% more effective.
Why? Because they've been used to getting their way their whole lives *because of their looks*. And that carries over. Can that be taught?
So sure, you can learn something from the rich, good-looking folks about how they do things. But if you're 5'1" and you're taking lessons on how to dunk a basketball from a guy who's 6'10", it may only get you so far.
So go forth and start to lead. If you need to start small before you go big, that's fine, too. And if you need a boost from my words in the form of my books or audios, you know where to find them.
When you apply these principles to your life, you may be surprised to find that *every* aspect of it is affected in a positive way -- including your dating.
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