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| Dr. Alex Benzer is a Harvard graduate and former consultant turned dating advice guru. Dr. Alex offers some of the most intelligent and interesting ideas you will read, both based in practical experience and ancient Tao philosophy. You may have heard of the Tao of Physics, but don't miss the equivalent of the Tao of picking up women in the exellent newsletters by Dr. Alex. To find out more about Tao of Dating, visit them at www.thetaoofdating.com. |
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The 100% Effective Way to Have More Women in Your Life Than You Can Possibly Handle
by Dr. Alex Benzer
of Tao of Dating
December 28th, 2007
Near the conclusion of this newsletter, I'm going to give you a revolutionary, shockingly effective method to bring more women into your life than you ever imagined possible. You don't have to buy anything. You don't have to attend any seminars. It costs nothing. And it works 100% of the time when you actually do it.
But first, I've got to ask you -- are you a football fan?
Now, by football, I mean the sport in which there is an actual spherical ball (as opposed to a prolate spheroid, which is the technical term for the almond-shaped thing that's involved in a touchdown), in which said ball is actually handled with your foot. That's football.
I grew up with football, and like about 75% of the planet right now, I'm finding large chunks of my time going to watching the matches (the remaining 25% would do the same if they had TVs or weren't American). In fact, just watched Brazil score a decisive 4-1 victory over Japan. Beautiful stuff.
So if you've been wondering "Where's Dr Alex?", which several of you were kind enough to ask about, that's part of it. At the same time, I *have* been thinking about you guys.
See, the World Cup season is an extraordinary time. Billions of people are brought together in their love of one game. The best of the best gather in one spot on the planet and give it their all, and we get to watch it, match by match.
So what you've got with each match is a gathering of people, totally into what's happening, having tons in common with one another (especially if from another country), and often returning to the same watering holes to watch the matches over and over again.
Y'know what this all sounds to me, right? Three C's of ideal venues -- conversation-friendly, community and continuity.
Gentlemen -- there's no need for me to tell you that this is an ideal time to make new friends.
Moreover, if there's a particular nationality of person you'd like to meet, the World Cup has made this incredibly easy for you. English people will watch the England games. German people will watch Germany play. Swedes will watch Sweden.
And, a certain percentage of these die-hard fans will be female. I think you're catching my drift now.
I just wanted you to take advantage of this opportunity as it's presenting itself. Because that's what this newsletter is about: taking advantage of opportunity as it presents itself.
In The Tao of Dating Transformation Weekend, which happened in Los Angeles the weekend of June 2-4 and exceeded all expectations (more on that later), one of the things we talked about was the martial art Wing Chun and its applicability to dating (and your life in general).
Wing Chun, which I studied for a little while when I was at Cambridge, has deep roots in Taoist philosophy, so it should be no surprise that its principles work well with the Tao of Dating. The first fighting principle of Wing Chun is:
"When the way is clear, move forward."
(The other three principles are 'stick to the opponent', 'yield to a greater force', and 'follow through').
What I've noticed in most guys is that when the opportunity to meet a fantastic woman presents itself, their most frequent response is to do nothing.
Think about it: how many beautiful, potentially desirable women cross your path in a given day? Ten? Five? One?
In a major city, even if you work in an office and just go out once for lunch, the answer is at least 5 and as many as a hundred. That adds up to dozens in a week, hundreds if not thousands in a given year.
Now let me ask you this: with how many of them do you actually interact? And of those, how many of the interactions were actually meaningful?
We've already discussed in prior articles and in The Tao of Dating how it's legitimately challenging to approach a stranger. However, we've also discussed how this is a difficulty that can be overcome with practice and the correct mindset.
For example, once upon a day, I was terrified of water because I couldn't swim. Now that I can, jumping into a cool stream or the warm Pacific Ocean right here in Santa Monica is one of the most fun things I can do.
So, getting back to Wing Chun, if you are walking in the mall, and you see some attractive, 100% ring-free woman you'd like to meet, there is no physical barrier between you and her preventing you from that happening.
"When the way is clear, move forward."
But, but -- what do I DO? What am I supposed to say to her?
And here, my friend, is the secret that I alluded to in the title of this article. The 100% surefire, foolproof, no-fail, absolutely guaranteed way to have more women in your life (whatever that means for you) than you can possibly handle (whatever that means for you).
The secret is this:
Give her a genuine compliment.
Simple, huh. Too simple, even. In fact, you may be thinking, "Nice job, Dr Alex. Tell me something I don't already know."
Well, if you already know it, Mr Smartypants, why aren't you DOING it?
I will bet you any amount of money that almost all of you who are reading this now have not complimented a woman today. I would even put money that most of you haven't given a compliment to a pretty girl all week -- all month -- even all *year*. Some of you haven't done it your ENTIRE LIVES.
I should know. I was one of those guys. And the whole idea of giving a compliment to an attractive woman seemed like the most impossible thing to do for me for a very, very long time. It still requires some conscious effort today.
But why should something so positive as saying something nice to a stranger be so difficult? Well, mom probably told you that it's not okay to talk to strangers, so you're probably still carrying that around with you. And maybe deep down inside you're afraid of being caught out as a creep if you compliment a girl (and, oh no, she might reject you).
So let's set the record straight: giving a genuine compliment is an act of GIVING. You are giving the gift of appreciation and good feeling. That's what it's about.
Especially if you have your powerful positive intent (PPI) lined up, then that's all it is. Of course, if the compliment is just some dressed-up version of hitting on her so you can take something later on, you're getting in your own way and disabling your own power.
At the same time, in these modern days, people have become so self-absorbed and wrapped up in their own 9-5 lives that they've forgotten that true fulfillment in life comes from giving and sharing. Their existences become so contracted that they become incapable of giving OR receiving. Acts of spontaneous giving are suspect -- surely there must be some ulterior motive. And they have no time to give, because there's always another project to do, another boss to appease, another thing to buy.
Well, my friend, if you're reading this article, that means some part of the Tao philosophy has touched you, and you realize that it doesn't have to be this way. Because you know that the more you give, the more the universe gives to you. "The universe is a reflection of me." And you realize that giving is not only good business, but also fun.
And it only makes sense that if you're giving away a lot of something (e.g. good feelings, warmth, generosity), that must mean that you have a lot of it in store. The more you give, the more you have. How's that for some paradoxical wisdom.
So, now that you've been patient enough to read the whole article, here's the surefire method I promised you at the beginning:
Give a genuine compliment to 10 women every day.
That's it. It doesn't have to be too complicated. You don’t have to say things like, "You are the most ravishing specimen of feminine beauty I have encountered on this planet", though more power to you if you can pull it off. Something as simple as, "I really like the way you've matched your ring with your outfit" works wonders. Or just, "Nice ring!," with a little bit of enthusiasm in your voice.
This accomplishes many things. First off, it opens the interaction. Second, she's already feeling good from the get-go of meeting you, and will associate those positive feelings with you.
Third, *you* feel fantastic because you've just made someone else light up like a Christmas tree (human beings are funny like that, how we can feel what another person feels).
Fourth, you have conveyed tremendous confidence, since most men are afraid of doing such a thing (in my experience, I'd say 99+% of men do not compliment women or know how to, at least in the US).
Fifth, and perhaps most powerfully, you have established yourself as a giver and thereby started in yourself the energy flow of giving, which can only lead to good things.
Now if you keep up this complimenting thing, two things will happen. First, you will have more women in your life than you can ever handle (and for most guys, that just means more than zero -- I should know).
And second, even if you don't have a small army of women vying for your attention, you will be so suffused with good feeling that you won't even care. Because fulfillment is a feeling, not a person. And you'll already have the feeling.
Well, there's the secret. As we discussed towards the close of the Transformation Weekend, your gift and your treasure (which are one and the same) is right where you are standing right now. And the more of it you give, you more of it you will have. So go forth, give your gift of compliments widely and shamelessly, and report back on your results, 'cause I want to hear them.
Just Tao it,
Dr Alex
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