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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Why Attractive Women Love Jerks” – November 1, 2002

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“Why Attractive Women Love Jerks” – November 1, 2002

I get a lot of emails from guys who read my newsletter that say things like…

“I’m sure what you’re saying is right, but I don’t want to be a jerk or an a**hole to women…”

“I have seen what you’re talking about happen all my life, but I’m a ‘nice guy’ and I want women to like me for me…”

…and…

“This doesn’t make sense…”

I’d like to address these ideas.

Up until about 5 years ago, I was THE nice guy of nice guys. As a matter of fact, when I first made the decision to learn how to be successful with women, this actually created an obstacle for me.

Let me explain…

Because I believed that “being a nice guy” MUST be the way to success with women, I ACTUALLY COULDN’T EVEN PERCEIVE ANY OTHER WAY.

In other words, I could see a situation where a woman was attracted to a mean, abusive guy and think to myself that either she must be screwed up in the head, or THAT THE GUY MUST BE REALLY NICE TO HER THE REST OF THE TIME.

As you probably know, it’s hard to convince a person to believe something when they already have a belief about the topic. The person that you’re trying to convince just uses whatever you say to convince themselves that they’re actually right… and you’re wrong.

Well, I did the exact same thing.

No matter how much evidence I found to the contrary, I still somehow believed that being a “nice” guy, buying women flowers and gifts, taking them out, and generally letting them be in control of the relationship HAD to be the way to attract them.

Well, after continuing along the same path and getting the same results, I realized something that literally changed EVERYTHING for me.

I realized that JERKS do, in fact, attract hot women.

Selfish behavior, as unhealthy as this might sound, often makes women feel attracted to you.

Sarcasm, ball busting, playing hard to get, and all kinds of other “illogical” things really do work when it comes to attracting women.

But then I had a dilemma…

I love the idea of being successful with women, but I HATE the idea of mistreating people, being mean to them, lying and misleading, etc.

Deep down, I want to be a good guy.

I decided that there MUST be a way to make this work, and to attract women without being ABUSIVE.

The good news is that THERE IS a way.

But it requires that you put aside your current ideas for just long enough to entertain some new ones.

First, let me say that I believe I’ve found a way to take the things that JERKS do to attract women and use them WITHOUT THE ABUSE. When you learn to do this, you can really have the best of both worlds… you can be nice to women on your own terms, and give them what they REALLY want, and what REALLY attracts them.

So WHY DO WOMEN BECOME ATTRACTED TO JERKS?

The short answer is that they don’t CHOOSE it, it’s something that just HAPPENS.

ATTRACTION ISN’T A CHOICE.

It’s an emotional response to certain things.

Women don’t CHOOSE to feel the emotion called ATTRACTION for jerks any more than YOU choose to feel the emotion called ATTRACTION for young, beautiful, hardbodied women.

Nature has pre-programmed MEN with a mechanism that works like this:

SEE HOT WOMEN —> FEEL ATTRACTION

Well, women have a similar mechanism. But I think that the female version is MORE COMPLEX.

Yes, women do feel attraction for extremely handsome men… but they feel a MUCH STRONGER ATTRACTION for certain PERSONALITY TRAITS and BEHAVIORS than they do for physical looks alone.

So again, the short answer is that it’s just something that “happens” inside of a women. She doesn’t “choose” it.

If you want the long answer to this, check out my CD Series “Advance Dating Techniques”. I’ve spent a long time figuring this one out, and I guarantee that it will blow your mind when you find out what’s REALLY going on…

So what is it about the “jerk” that creates this powerful, uncontrollable ATTRACTION inside of women?

Let me answer first by telling you what IT’S NOT:

It’s NOT the abuse (not usually anyway). I don’t believe that women are attracted to that abusive, mean, negative part of the “jerk personality”.

I think that jerks JUST HAPPEN to also possess several ATTRACTIVE qualities that are SO POWERFUL that that they literally make women BLIND to the abuse… women will rationalize and excuse the abusive behavior because they are so attracted to these other qualities.

Here’s a PARTIAL list of what creates that ATTRACTION:

-Unpredictability
-Uncontrollable
-Challenge
-Dominance

Of course, there are many more, but this will get us started for this discussion.

The qualities I’ve listed above, when presented correctly, trigger the natural “attraction mechanism” inside of women.

Jerks have taken natural qualities that are ATTRACTIVE to women a little “too far”.

But because they’re still there, the qualities trigger the attraction anyway.

So what does this mean to you?

Well, the most important thing is that it means you can still be a good guy and attract women at the same time.

You’re probably going to have to learn how to flirt in a different way, become a little more comfortable being challenging to women, etc. But in the end, you’ll find that this will get you what you want, and still allow you to treat women well… all on your own terms.

It also means that instead of being the guy who women talk to about their relationship problems, and how their mean jerk boyfriend is being abusive again… you can be the guy who they’re dating and sleeping with!

Yes!

This weekend I’d like you to think about what I’ve said here in this newsletter.

Think about how you can cultivate the four qualities that I’ve mentioned above into your personality.

See if you can be a little less predictable.

Don’t let outside events or women control you.

Be more of a challenge.

Stop being submissive… and get in touch with that side of you that is more dominant (I said “dominant”, not “domineering”).

And if you haven’t had a chance to read my eBook and listen to my Advanced CD Program, then I HIGHLY recommend that you do that as well.

My eBook “Double Your Dating” is the foundation for everything that I teach. In a few hours of reading time you can learn all about my basic theories, plus get dozens of great techniques for meeting and dating women. You can go download it at:

[ebook download link]

My CD Audio Program is over 12 FULL HOURS of me teaching live, and it’s the most complete system for meeting and dating more women that exists. You will learn HUNDREDS of strategies, techniques, and theories that will dramatically increase your success with women, guaranteed. I’m so confident that you’ll be THRILLED, that I give an unconditional money-back guarantee… listen to it all the way through, and try it all out. If you’re not THRILLED, just send it back for a full refund… no questions or hassles. Go to:

[products info link]

…for all the details.

Talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

INFORMATION ABOUT THIS QUESTION & ANSWER ARCHIVE:
This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit http://www.doubleyourdating.com/.

The primary textual contents of this archive is Copyright©2001-2008 by David DeAngelo.  All Rights Reserved.  By your accessing this archive, you understand that the information contained in within is an expression of opinions, and they should be used for personal entertainment purposes only.  You are soley responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold David DeAngelo harmless.  All names have been changed or deleted to protect the contributors, and questions/quotes have been edited for clarity.  By sending David a question or comment you are agreeing to allow him to use it in future articles, newsletters, and writings.  Please keep this in mind when you send your e-mails.

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