The Top Pickup Artist Forum On The Internet: Fast Seduction 101

“Q&A: Approaching Women And Other Secrets” – December 16, 2002

***QUESTION***

Dear Dave,

You are an awesome teacher. Since using your material (the e-book and the CDs) I have increase my dating life by many-folds. It has become a lot easier to be Cocky and funny; it feels like second nature at this time and a part of my personality.

I have two questions: One, where can I find old newsletters? I save all your newsletters but I accidentally erased about ten of them from my e-mail account. I really would like to re-read some of them but I cannot find them anywhere on the web.

The second question is: What do you do in a situation where you have set up a coffee date with a woman and she blows you off by not showing up? The problem specifically is how do you react when you see this woman again. I work out in a local gym and had asked one of the personal trainers to coffee. However, I was stood up and I see her everyday. Would you respond by ignoring her ( which seems childish and behaving in the immature manner she treated me by not respecting me and my time) or by talking to her ( and thereby acting like a spineless wimp) ? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Disciple in D.C.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Great questions…

To answer your question about where you can find past issues of my newsletters:

NOWHERE.

They aren’t published or saved in an archive anywhere. The reason for this is that I take the best parts of past newsletters and put them together with other information and create new products. I’m considering putting up a page where I post the past 3-10 issues or so, but I don’t get that many requests for past issues, so I’m not sure whether or not I’ll do that…

And to answer your second question about what to do when a woman blows you off, but you have to see her again…

I want to answer your question FIRST with another question:

WHO’S PROBLEM IS IT THAT SHE BLEW YOU OFF AND FLAKED?

Hm.

It all depends on your perspective.

When a woman flakes out on me, I see it as a HUGE mistake that SHE made.

So if/when I see her again, I shake my head in disappointment and say “Well you sure missed out on a good time”.

And then regardless of what she says (unless her mom died or she lost a leg in a car accident) I just give her the “You’re a flaky woman with no integrity” disappointed look and walk away.

Again I ask you: WHO’S PROBLEM IS IT?

Do you really want to go out with a woman who is flaky?

Don’t let it bother you. Just move on. Many women are flakes.

***QUESTION***

Dave i just have to say that your CD Audio Series kicks some major ASS!! there IS a god, and in this case it’s you man! i haven’t EVER gotten so much out of any help program such as this one. i absolutely love it and anyone who purchases it will NEVER want their money back…guaranteed! however, i have a question concerning gift ideas for those involved in relationships. well, Christmas is coming up VERY QUICKLY and i am desperate for gift ideas for my girlfriend that i’ve been dating for 7 months now. of course, there are also other times that couples should exchange gifts: birthdays, valentine’s day, and the BIG ONE…the one year anniversary! i desperately need help with these as well. what have u gotten your long-term girlfriends for Christmas? their birthday? on valentine’s day? the one year anniversary? i’m the type of guy who just HATES to spend a ton of money but i want to make everything perfect for this girl because we love each other so any ideas on gifts would be greatly appreciated. thanks a million and keep up the good work!

-R.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

OK, as I have to mention EVERY time I answer a “relationship” type question, I DON’T USUALLY DO THIS.

But you can be my monthly exception…

The reason I like your question is because it calls up another BIGGER ISSUE… and that issue is when and if it becomes appropriate to start doing all the things that I try to get guys NOT to do in the beginning with women (take them out, buy them gifts, give them flowers, etc.).

As it turns out, most men that I know (and most men that I meet and talk to who order my eBook and other products) really WANT TO BE GENEROUS.

In other words, I think that deep down, most of us guys really want to treat women VERY WELL.

We WANT to do nice, thoughtful things for a special woman, and have her do nice, thoughtful things in return.

Amen?

The problem comes when we go overboard and start using gifts and favors TOO MUCH, and start communicating to the woman that WE ARE OWNED BY HER.

If you’re going to do wonderful things for a woman that you care about, make sure that you do things that MAKE AN IMPACT. And make sure that they AREN’T PREDICTABLE.

If you want to give her a nice gift that doesn’t cost a lot of money, cook her a meal, then give her a massage, and finally wrap up with feeding her fruit in bed… etc.

Women want things that communicate THOUGHTFULNESS. Not that they don’t enjoy diamonds… lol. But if you do something that says “I was thinking about you, and I wanted you to have a great experience” it will make FAR more of an impact than an expensive gift that wasn’t chosen with care.

But as I mentioned, don’t OVERDO the gifts and favors… don’t ever become PREDICTABLE.

And, interestingly enough, this can be a great test to see how a woman can handle extra-nice treatment. If she starts acting overly demanding and spoiled after you give her a gift of thoughtful experience, then you might have a damaged woman on your hands. Pay attention.

OK, that’s it for my non-relationship relationship ideas.

***QUESTION***

Before you hand me my award for wussiness, know I wasn’t always this way. In fact, I used to date several girls at a time, who were supposed to be prude, and were religious, and managed to get them obsessed with me. My problem is that my ex spent 1.5 years wussifying me. I’m trying to break out of it, but I have so much free time, and so few friends. I started going to the gym, and taking guitar lessons, but I don’t know what else to do! Every time I get a girl interested, I panic. I’m taking a girl out to lunch monday before our Accounting final. She is actually a good example. Every time I showed interest in her she got annoyed. I blew her off a few days ago when she walked with me and my friend, wednesday she was all over me. When I asked her to lunch she already started to seem to lose interest. What do I do? How do I get her to like me in a way that’s not very noticeable? What should I do on monday?

JC
Beverly Hills, CA

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yea, well I’m still going to hand you the Big Wuss award for this week, man.

What did I hear you say?

That your ex spent 1.5 years wussifying YOU?

No no noooooo…

IT WAS YOU that spent 1.5 years HAPPILY BEING TRAINED AS A WORLD CLASS WUSSY.

You you you did it!

Now that we’re back to reality, and accepting responsibility for our own behavior, let’s talk about what to do about it.

What the hell are you doing “asking a woman to lunch”?

Haven’t you been paying attention to anything I say?

lol… no, obviously not.

When you “ask a woman out on a date”, you’re basically saying “Hi, I’m interested in you in a romantic way, and I’d like to buy you some food so you’ll think of me as a wonderful provider, and then maybe we can go out on some more dates that I’ll pay for and then get into a relationship… if I’m lucky and you’ll accept me”.

Duh.

Instead of asking a woman out to lunch, tell her “Hey, I’m going to get a cup of tea. Come along and entertain me. And I don’t mean with that usual boring stuff that you talk about.”

It sounds to me like you’re probably LEANING into women and putting STRANGE EMOTIONAL PRESSURE on them in a very subtle way when you’re “asking them out”.

Stop that!

Lean back, and use what you’re learning here from me.

It doesn’t sound to me like you’ve listened to my latest Advanced Dating Techniques program.

I absolutely GUARANTEE that this material will save you a TON of time and a lot of frustrating experiences.

Hell, the money you’ll save in DATES alone will more than pay for it. Go to:

[products info link]

…immediately. Your Inner Wuss needs to be evicted!

***QUESTION***

Dave, ive been receiving your newsletters for sometime now and have to say a lot of the stuff I read is very useful. Now you need to help me please !!! Im having real trouble with the whole (spur of the moment) thing. By the time I think of a good thing to say in that particular situation, the moments passed. Here come the examples. About a week ago I was at a club which was quite packed, now im just standing there when I feel someone grab me round the waist, I turn around to see a stunning brunette standing behind me smiling, and what did I say to her, absolutely nothing !!!! Now this is the one im really kicking myself about.

Yesterday I went my barbers only to see that a new girl had started. Stunning blond about 17, you know the type. Anyway, first I caught here looking at me more than a fiew times, then we exchanged a fiew smiles. There was quite a long wait to be seen, then the next thing I know she brings me a coffee with a sexy smile, non of the other 10 lads who were in there waiting get one and they all looked quite surprised. I kept on thinking to myself, “im gonna ask her out in a minute” the next thing I know ive been done and walking out having not said a word.

I guess your now gonna tell me I need a good hard slap and my head seeing to …. lol But what I need to know is, is it to late to phone up and ask her out, and if I did could I use any of the things that happened, to my advantage using the C&F routine ???

Thanks in advance, keep up the good work !!!
P
uk

>>>MY COMMENTS:

I have to be honest with you.

You are a dork.

But the good news is that you’re not alone. I have been in the situations you just mentioned a bazillion times in my past, and I missed probably hundreds of opportunities.

So this dork virus that you have isn’t terminal.

Here’s exactly what to do next time these things happen:

Say “Hey, what’s your name?”

Then, after they give it to you, say “Do you have email?”

…and if the answer is “Yes”, then give her a pen and have her write it down!

It’s that easy.

But will you do yourself a big, huge favor? Go to the link that I just mentioned to Mr. Wussy Award in the previous Q&A and get one of those for yourself. I can’t stress enough how important it is to understand the material in that program. Really.

***QUESTION***

So I’ve tested it, and it works like I wouldn’t have believed. My ex-girlfriend that I’m back with again can’t do much about it…recently, she said with a real smile: “You made fun of me from day one!” with kind of a hint! hint! attitude of “and please do more of that”. If a woman wants to tell you she’s really into you, she’ll normally say ANYTHING but “I really like you” or so. More like “You’re so funny” or “You’re so nasty”, all with a smile. Almost always something in the “You’re so…” category.

Then there’s something else I’ve noticed…

When you talked about how mothers raise boys to be wussies, I gave the “why” a little thought…ever said something fresh or wisecrackish to mom? Generally, you unleash the fire of the dragon about how you’d better never, ever do that again.

How come mothers (and teachers, for that matter) respond so negatively when their sons behave C&F when other girls love it? Well…C&F is disarming and hits women in a spot where they can feel their power over you diminish to zero. And no mother wants a kid who subtly communicates “I don’t give a

damn about what you think of me” and such, let alone have a kid who has power over her. No way! As long as he’s the wussy (and not the other way round!), we can play happy family.

Greetings,
LM from Liechtenstein

>>>MY COMMENTS:

STOP RIGHT NOW AND REREAD THE ABOVE!

NOW READ IT ONE MORE TIME.

OK, this is good stuff.

Many of us were raised by mom to be nice, sweet, kind, respectful and ASS KISSING to women.

What does this get us?

I don’t need to answer that question, because you know as well as I do what it gets us.

Be nice to mom, but don’t treat a woman that you’re interested in like you treat her!

***QUESTION***

Hi David,

I’ve read your book, and decided to test the ideas last weekend. I went to a bar with a friend, and pretty soon we were in the company of three women, so I started being cocky and funny and busting their balls. At first it seemed they liked it, but as the night progressed, they started to say ‘you are too much’ or, when another girl came up to us and I advanced to use your tactics on her, they told her ‘watch out’. One girl even called me annoying (never happened to me before). Only one of them, who had a bad girl look, seemed to toally enjoy what I was doing, but on the other hand I didn’t get to talk much to her because first I busted her balls, and when she wanted to smoke, I ordered her to move to the opposite end of the table. She gave me a hug later.

So my conclusion is that being coicky and funny nonstop 100% of the time is overkill. I guess I need to follow some kind of normal conversation, sometimes spicing it up with cocky and funny remarks. Whatdayathink? Thank you,

Nick P.
Tallahassee, FL

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Oh, the comedy of it all.

So you went out ONCE, and you talked to a total of FOUR women… and got some pretty positive overall results… and you’re questioning the entire process.

I’ll tell you what.

Go out 10 times, and talk to 10 women each time you go out. Do this over the next 2-4 weeks, and then report back at the end.

You can’t go out ONCE and then know all there is to know about how women will respond to Cocky & Funny.

You have to practice. You have to get used to it. You have to talk to a bunch of women to see how they all respond differently.

This stuff isn’t magic, but it often works almost as well.

And what were you doing “in the company of three women” for long enough that the night “progressed”?

Why didn’t you just ask all of them for their emails and numbers when you first met them… and then moved on to the next group?

If your answer is “well, I wanted to take one of them home with me that night” that’s OK, but I recommend that if you’re not skilled enough to do that on a predictable basis that you GET THE DIGITS AND MOVE ON… you’ll have better overall success that way.

***QUESTION***

David,

Your ebook completely changed the way I have always believed how a man should act when approaching women in order to get her attracted. I used to try so hard to treat women nicely but at the end I turned myself into a big wuss and ended up going nowhere. Sometimes, even now, I am still wondering why the C&F stuff attracts women because I feel like somehow it’s just simply another way of being arrogant except that it’s a little more subtle. I guess it’s just like what you said, things don’t always make sense. As long as it works and gets the result, who cares whether it makes sense or not?

The reason why I am writing you today is because I have two questions that I would like to ask and any advice would be appreciated. The SECOND QUESTION maybe sensitive to some of the readers out there and therefore you may just want to respond privately.

1) Through my experience, I have realized that once a woman has categorized me into the “no” group, it’s impossible to get out of it. Basically I mean the first impression is EXTREMELY important. If I can’t show her my C&F side in the beginning and once I am considered a provider but not a lover, there is NO WAY OUT. I have found that getting a second chance to redeem myself extremely difficult. Is there a way to change a woman’s mind if this is the case?

2) I came from the Far East and I have been living in the U.S. for over 10 years. I noticed that women in this country would date their own men, Hispanics, Europeans and those from the Middle East. However, I rarely, I mean really rarely see an Asian guy dating an American woman over the last so many years. I thought a lot about it and think that this is because many of these people fall into the “Lover” groups you mentioned in one of your books – the Adventurers, Seducers, Artists and Bad Boys.

Meanwhile, my believe is that Asians are typically considered nice guys which means providers. Our culture has been traditionally emphasized on “keep the harmony, don’t be arrogant, give compliments, don’t rock the boat, etc.” and therefore I feel that many us may find the C&F idea difficult to follow due to what we have been taught.

Let’s just say that we get rid of this problem and finally learn how to be C&F, the problem is now how to convince a woman not to stereotype me as a provider before I even open my mouth and have a chance to prove myself. I fear that most of the women out there automatically put me into the “no” or provider category as soon as they see me.

Dave, TX

>>>MY COMMENTS:

OK, to answer your first question…

I get a TON of email from guys who are looking for the answer to the magic question “How do I get a woman who I’ve convinced not to like me to give me a second chance?”

The answer is: DON’T. JUST MOVE ON.

It’s not worth the time, effort, and energy.

The best thing you can do is stop calling her, start dating other women, and if you can, make sure she finds out that you’ve moved on.

Get one with your life. And, ironically, that will give you the best chances of her feeling attracted to you again.

To answer your second point…

I have friends of all races, colors, sizes, ages, etc. and I’ve found that looks are SECONDARY.

All other things being equal, a six-foot three guy who is 21 years old, a multi-millionaire, drives a Ferrari, and is famous will have an easier time meeting women…

But I have one friend who is about 5’4″ tall, ASIAN, and has an average income who is UNREAL when it comes to meeting women. He’s always surrounded by a group of hot young women who love him.

Why? Because he GETS IT!

And I believe that you can to, no matter what your looks, age, race, etc.

***QUESTION***

So far I’ve read a lot of good advice on how to handle some of the most common situations with women. But one thing still remains a mystery for me: I have the most trouble initiating a conversation and namely one that will lead to getting her number or setting up a date etc. If i see a woman walking down the hall of my college or maybe even at the store, how do I approach her and start a conversation without seeming like just another “jerk” guy who is trying to get her into bed. I would like to meet women and have them be actually attracted to me not just have encounters. I never know what to say, I mean sure I could introduce myself but then what? And also once the conversation has started, when is a good time to ask for a number? How much conversation is a good amount or what type of “level” should a conversation reach so that she will feel comfortable about giving her number out? Generally I like having friends introduce me to someone because it gives me a good starting point and we both have something in common to talk about: a mutual friend. And once it gets rolling I have no problems, even though I am not the best looking guy. As you said in your last letter even regular guys benefit from this and its true I am average at about everything but I have my share of women. Initiating conversations with women I dont know or any of my friends know is the toughest for me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks and keep up the good work!

JS
Chicago, IL

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Good question.

This is a question that is top-of-mind for just about every single adult male on the planet, by the way.

So first I have to pick apart the WAY you asked the question.

Then I’ll give you some ideas…

I noticed that you wrote:

“…how do I approach her and start a conversation without seeming like just another “jerk” guy who is trying to get her into bed…”

Do you think that most women are approached a lot in the hall or at stores by “jerk guys who are trying to get them into bed”?

And it also sounds to me like you have the concepts of “jerk” and “wanting to get her into bed” linked together in your mind.

In my experience, a woman won’t think of you as a “jerk” unless either:

1. She’s dating you, you’re abusive, and she can’t figure out why she can’t bring herself to break up with you.

2. You’re the kind of guy that OBVIOUSLY has no game at all whatsoever, but you’re trying to talk to her in a sexually suggestive way.

Are you with me here?

Women don’t think of regular guys who stop them in the hall or at the bookstore as “jerks” automatically.

And this is ESPECIALLY true if you’re interesting, charming, and comfortable with yourself.

You feel me?

So the first thing you need to do is STOP USING YOUR WONDERFUL CREATIVE IMAGINATION TO LIMIT YOURSELF!

I know MANY guys that approach woman all the time… in the hall, in the store, at clubs, on the internet, and every other place on the planet… and I’ve heard of VERY, VERY few instances where something bad came of it.

And, in fact, the worst I’ve EVER heard of is having a drink thrown in your face or a slap.

I’ve never heard of:

1. Permanent bodily injury.
2. Death.
3. Irreparable damage to self esteem.

(Although I’m sure that some dumb-ass somewhere on the planet has figured out a way to have one of these things happen to him as a result of approaching a woman…)

The point is that if you start a conversation with a woman, IT’S GOING TO BE OK.

And if you do it in an interesting, charming way there’s a VERY good chance that a woman will give you her name and email/number.

And if you DON’T start talking to her, then the chances are very close to ZERO that you’ll get it.

Here, try this:

Next time you walk by a girl in the hall, look her right in the eye and give her a slight smile.

Then say “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

When she stops and says “Sure”, say:

“Are you single?”

If she asks “Why?” say:

“Well, I know someone who I think would REALLY find you attractive. He’s nice, funny, interesting… and I think you might like him. (smile in a knowing way as you say all of this, hinting that you might be talking about yourself)”

Then ask “Do you have email?”

If she asks if you’re talking about yourself, just look at her and say “Maybe”.

Get her email, say “I’ll have him email you”, and walk away.

This is a fun way to start a conversation, and the direct “Are you single?” question really throws women off balance for a moment.

There are an unlimited number of ways to start conversations with women, and I recommend that you check out some of my products for more great info.

***QUESTION***

Hey Dave,

I just have one simple question for you. Since women are not attracted to wussies…why the hell do our mothers raise us to act this way and tell us that this is what girls want in a man?

MCH

Detroit, MI

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Well, as we discussed in an earlier Q&A, your mom wasn’t ATTRACTED to you, dude.

At least I hope not.

Whatever.

LISTEN: Your mom probably can’t even REMEMBER what it’s like to feel a GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for a man, and even if she CAN remember it, she’s not going to be able to EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW TO DO IT.

Moms have experience.

They know that guys who arouse sexual passions in a woman are usually BAD NEWS, and they don’t want you to turn out that way.

Moms universally give HORRIBLE advice to sons on how to make women feel ATTRACTION for them.

I could go on, but I think you get my point.

***SUCCESS STORY***

Hey Dave, *bowing “We’re Not WORTHY !! * 🙂

I have always had a good funny streak, but was always Mr. Chivalry and then wondering why I had so many “friends” but no “dates”. They “say” thats what they “want”, but now I know better!! Plus I was always down on myself because I have a hereditary skin condition that sometimes flares and looks really bad. (but I have since found out, using this material, they really don’t care once they find out it isn’t contagious !! 🙂 ). Been getting your newsletters for a couple months now. I don’t know which one of my buddies signed me up for them, but if I ever find out, Ill buy him a round!! They must have known this was EXACTLY what I NEEDED!! 🙂 Mucho Grassyass to both You and whoever it was that signed me up!!I have been putting to good use what info comes out of the newsletters, and I’ve gone from sitting at home on Friday and Saturday nights to forgetting that I had 2 or 3 lined up on the same night and having to cancel one or more. Ooops ! I’m just not used to having to “schedule” women 🙂

I thought I would write in on how knowing how to “recognize” BEING A WUSS does have its advantages !!

A few weeks ago I started dating this one gal – a 6, maybe 7, but an 8 personality. She started to get all clingy and calling all the time, but I don’t have time to sit on the phone with non-customers (not getting paid) all day. She was starting to get annoying. But I don’t have a mean bone in my body, enough to tell her to scram.

I had a slow week coming up, I remembered everything from the newsletters, and decided to use it OPPOSITE of the intended purpose. I started calling HER all the time, stopping by her work bringing her lunch, would call and ask if I could come over in the evenings, etc. When we did go out, I would purposely act like I didn’t care where we went, and made her decide.

Basically, to quote words of THE master, “THE ULTIMATE WUSS BAG” !! I mean, I poured it on worse than before I started getting the newsletters, because I NOW KNEW what to do and HOW to do it!

Well, Dave (and anyone else reading), it worked like a charm!! She started saying how different we were and that maybe I should date other women as well. When I heard that line, I knew I was on my way to FREEDOM!! 🙂 Another day or so of it, to make sure it “took hold”, and haven’t talked to her since. And I’m betting she is not upset in the least.

Now I’m back to my same old problem though: I have 3 women – maybe a 4th (an ex GF from a few months ago, who basically dumped me cuz I was a wus, has started calling again… roflmao) lined up for this Saturday. But as the old adage goes – “Better to have too much than not enough”, right? 🙂 (I think Ill cancel the ex’s, just to show her what “she got rid of”..lol )

I do think I need to invest in a PDA, though, before I get your CD’s/DVD’s and REALLY get myself into serious trouble 🙂

Thanks for all the great stuff!
KTF
Austin, TX

P.S. I told my one buddy your line “Give her the gift of missing you”, and Im pretty sure he has now signed up and may be getting your book soon! 🙂 Cheers!

>>>MY COMMENTS:

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!

My friends and I make jokes about doing this all the time… but you actually did it!

This is totally out of control.

Of course, as soon as you started acting like a total Wussy, she stopped liking you.

What else would she do?

lol… this great stuff. Thanks for the letter.

***QUESTION***

Sup Dave..

I’ve been getting your newsletter for a couple of months now, and I must admit the material is 100 proof. I’ve always been pretty decent with women, but never consistent. It wasn’t till I started reading your stuff, that I realized there’s a formula to this.

OK, quick question. Thanks to your material, I’ve stepped up my game and hooked up with a 9.5 (physically)…who actually “gets it”. I mean this girl can go toe to toe with the best at c&f…and this makes for an unbelievable connection. I almost lost her several times, due to that wuss urge…but thanks to your material I’ve always recovered and managed to stay pretty much in control of things. My question is..now that things are going good, how do I get her to show more initiative. She’s willing to do pretty much anything I suggest, but geting her to initiate plans is a rarety. Same goes with physical contact, she’s down for whatever..but I’m always the one to get it started. Don’t get me wrong, by no means am I overwhelming her with date proposals, or affection…but I’m at a point where I want her to “stroke my ego” a little by making the first move, and making a brother feel desired. I’m sure plenty of readers out there can relate (hopefully I’m not the only one). I’m not asking for a magic word or anything, but there has to be some solution here..this girl has definitely got long term potential (I know, not your area)..but this nonchalant thing is working my last nerves. An answer to this question would take my game to the next level. What say you??

N. Roms
Brooklyn, NY

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Well, if things are going so well, then who cares about “her showing initiative”?

It’s attractive to women when a man leads, so if it’s working for you, then keep it up.

Just don’t overdo it!

Lean back, and give her space in between.

Remember, if she’s a “9.5”, then she gets offers ALL THE TIME from men, and she is completely used to the idea of men offering her things, calling her, etc.

It might just be that her model of the world revolves around this idea.

Just keep doing what works!

***QUESTION***

David-

Soon after I began receiving your mailbags (6 months ago) I purchased your ebook. I was inspired to buy it after having success with the tips in the mailbags. You have absolutely changed the way I view women and dating. I was completely blown away by the success I had after integrating your theories about the concept of attraction into my lifestyle. I used to be nervous and timid (a wuss bag) around women, but with your help I have learned to interact with women on a level that I never thought possible. I have found that when I interact with women in this way (C/F, confident, etc.), they go through a few stages: First, THEY are the ones who become nervous, etc., as if this is something that they have NEVER experienced before. After this first “shock” stage, they become VERY intrigued. Naturally following this, attraction sets in. From here, I decide whether or not I would like to intensify the attraction (is this a woman I would like to date, or is she just good practice?). If I decide that yes, I am interested in this woman, I lead them into “stage three”, wherein I continue to use your techniques and they continue to feel attraction for me. Using this formula, I attracted a woman that I decided was worth dating. We are now in a relationship, and I am very much into her (she is emotionally stable, always honest with me, and not to mention stunningly beautiful) but I have a couple problems. Often times, she gives me signals that she does not feel secure in the relationship, as if I am about to drop her at any moment for another girl. Perhaps this is because I don”â„¢t at all hang on her, and I talk about other women. Although I do these things, part of me wants to tell her that I love her and I absolutely do not want out of the relationship. How can I relay this to her without

A) looking like a wussie, or
B) giving her power in the relationship?

Also, should I continue to talk about other women around her, which makes her jealous, or am I being manipulative? I have found this to be very effective, but I do not always feel good about it. I realize that you do not often talk about relationships, but any insights you have would be very much appreciated. You truly are a pioneer in this field.

-T, minnesota

>>>MY COMMENTS:

OK, I’m going to address this one because it’s also relevant to guys who have only gone out with a woman a few times and the woman is acting this way (insecure, etc.).

A few observations:

1. INSECURITY is a problem that SHE ALREADY HAS. It just happens that your behaviors are allowing you to see it sooner than most guys would.

2. It’s ALMOST ALWAYS good when the woman you’re dating knows that other women are attracted to you.

3. You should not change your behavior to suit a woman. In other words, if it’s natural for you to talk to women, then talk to them. If you’re ONLY doing it to make her jealous, then this is probably an insecure behavior on YOUR part.

I’ve personally found that if I start to tell a woman “Oh, baby, you’re the only one for me and I want to be with you forever and ever, and you should feel secure in the relationship no matter what” that the only thing it accomplishes is her seeing me as a Wuss Bag.

If she isn’t secure in herself, then she’s not going to be secure in the relationship… and there’s probably not much you can do about that except hope that she grows out of it.

I think that most of us guys KNOW where the line between “reassuring the woman we love that we’re in this for the long term” and “giving up our power” is.

Just don’t cross the line.

***COMMENT***

Dave,

I am in the process of purchasing your book but I can tell you before hand that this stuff works. I’m buying because I haven’t been as successful as I would like. I’ll give you two quick examples attesting that your system works. The 1st is happened in a jazz club I would frequent when I lived in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. I started talking to a girl at the bar & was my usual C&F self. I was giving her a real rash of s..t. & she was returning it. After about an hour, because I felt I was being too tough on her I said, “Let’s start over. Hi. My name is ….. What’s yours”. I knew I had made a mistake when she looked at me strange & said, “And I was just getting to like you”. Then mumbled something about how she was ready to cook me dinner. I ended up flunking the test. The second time was with a girl that worked in my off. I worked days, her on the night shift. The boss told me how great looking she was so I decided to stay late one night & find out. He was right. She was gorgeous with a awesome bod. However, she came in one night wearing a huge pear shaped diamond on her wedding ring finger so I assumed that meant, “I’m taken”. The next night, no ring, & blouse unbuttoned more than I expected giving me a wonderful sight. She finally agreed to see an outdoor jazz concert & I was my usual sarcastic self. On the 3rd date she told me she said how she hated me the 1st time we dated because I was so sarcastic but the more we dated the more she liked me but then said, “but I’m not ready to go to bed”. I said, “Have I been pressuring you”? She said, “No. You’re different & besides that , you make me laugh”. Problem, I thought my position was secure & I turned into Mr. Wus. & lost out. This is a girl I never would have asked out normally because she was so good looking & sexy. We’re not kids either. I was 49, her 42. It took me years to see what I have been doing wrong, & no matter what women say, they don’t want a “NICE” guy. Now with your help I will be able to improve my strategy.

Thanks
R. C. Houston, TX

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Oh, good choice getting my book.

I’ll tell you, women LOVE it when you’re challenging, funny, and charming… and they don’t quite know what’s happening.

When you do the old “I just want to tell you seriously that all this Cocky & Funny stuff is just play and I actually like you and want to take you out” thing, you INSTANTLY kill the sexual tension in the situation.

This is another way of communicating, and you can’t all-of- a-sudden stop and say “Let’s start over. Hi, my name is Mr. Wussy, what’s yours?”

Oh, and NEVER ask “Have I been pressuring you?” That REALLY makes you sound like a world-class Girly Man.

When you find something that words, KEEP DOING IT!

***QUESTION***

David:

I just purchased your Advanced Series; I can’t wait to listen to it.

I recently saw firsthand what being cocky around a woman can do. I was at a party with some people from my work, and I started talking with this one girl (Actually, she started talking to me). Anyway, she was telling me how she had to wear a different dress because the zipper got stuck on the other one. A friend of mine who will say anything to anyone at anytime then asked her “Why, because your ass is too big?” Now, I would never think of saying such a thing, and she seemed a bit appalled at first, but guess who she proceeded to talk to the rest of the night? Oh, by the way, he also told her he liked “the dye in her hair.”

I have one question for you: I met a girl at a party on Halloween weekend, which was about six weeks ago. I made a joke about her costume, she played along with it, then when I told her I was leaving she voluntarily gave me her number. I called her twice, but she didn’t return my calls. In the meantime, I was trying to set up a date with another girl who promptly answered my calls, but let’s just say she looked a lot better at the club with the lights down low. So now I want to call the hot one, but I don’t want to look stupid because I waited so long. What do you think?

Thanks,
J
San Diego

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Ha!

I have to say, it takes game to look a woman right in the eye and ask “Why, because your ass is too big?” LOL!

I’ve done similar things, but you’d better make sure that it’s funny.

Not for the weak of heart!

And to answer your question about calling the cute girl back.

Look, in the book “The Rules” (the one that teaches women how to play games to get a man to marry them) the authors recommend that women NOT call men, and RARELY return men’s calls.

So don’t worry about it.

Some guys don’t like to call women more than once or twice, but I ask you this:

What is there to lose?

If you have to call her once a week for five weeks until you get ahold of her, what have you wasted?

Five extra minutes dialing the phone?

So what?

Now, if you’re feeling like a needy little puppy, and you’re calling her five times A DAY trying to get ahold of her, that’s a different story.

As long as you’re getting on with your life, keeping busy, and dating other women, then keep trying until you reach her.

I’ll personally keep calling a woman until either:

1. She tells me to stop calling her (which has never happened)

2. I get too busy to care anymore (which happens all the time)

3. I set up a meeting with her

You’re getting this stuff down, so keep at it!

…and if you’re reading this right now and thinking to yourself “Wow, I’d love to learn how to be more successful with women and dating… and I’d love to be able to approach women in different situations and get their email addresses and numbers… and I’d love to be able to attract the kinds of women that I’ve always wanted, then I HIGHLY recommend that you check out my Advanced Dating Techniques series.

I’ve just released the DVD Video version, and it is KILLER! You will get a complete education from the ground up about women and dating, and you’ll learn everything from how to handle your own fears to how to meet women in every situation… to how to advance physically and smoothly transition from one step to the next naturally.

All the details, plus several free samples are here:

[products info link]

…and if you haven’t yet downloaded your copy of my online eBook “Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women”, then you need to start there. It’s the foundation for all the other things I teach, and it’s available as an electronic download that you can get and be reading in just a few minutes from RIGHT NOW. All the details are here:

[ebook download link]

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!