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You might have to slow her down
Fri, 8 Dec 2000 16:59:25 -0500
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dcastle:
I noticed a great comment from Stephanie that I had to comment on:
> When the right man comes along I will have no choice,
> but to try to act like a lady. Until then I am going
> to play and have some fun!
Remember, every woman is multi-faceted. Inside every woman is the desire to
find the "right man" and to show him that she would be an ideal wife, that
she is pure and wholesome, etc. So that he will want to make an exclusive
commitment to her and devote his time, energy and resources to protecting
and supporting her and her offspring. This is a normal and natural
instinctual drive within a woman.
ALSO inside every woman is a desire to "play and have some fun," and to
obtain the DNA of certain men who give her "those feelings." Men who are
perceived by her biology as having desirable genes for one reason or
another.
Of course, it is NOT necessary that the "support/commit" male be the same
as the "obtain DNA/have fun" male...which is why the institution of
cuckoldry is most commonly promulgated during certain key points in a
woman's cycle.
Here is the point and ultimate irony: The AFC often feels compelled to
demonstrate to the woman that he is a good candidate for the FIRST
category...the "lifetime mate" category. He tries to demonstrate his
ability to commit, to support, to protect, to form emotional bonds, etc. If
he succeeds, he has, in fact, caused her to DEACTIVATE her "fun, playful,
spontaneous sex" mode and INSTEAD enter her "pure, wholesome, ideal wife"
mode. This is the side of her that is being energized and activated by AFC
behavior. Included in this, of course, is her desire to be extremely picky,
since this is after all, her future that is on the line.
If, instead, he can activate the OTHER side of her, he might get her into
bed
a lot faster...
...That is, until she becomes old and undesirable (29 or so! haha) and
decides
that she is "ready to settle down". At this point she will tire of the bad
boys and begin looking for the kind of guy that she rejected for the past
10 or 15 years. This might come as a small consolation to the AFC, assuming
he is willing to commit to just one woman, one that is past her prime. But
then again, if he had trouble getting laid for the past decade, he might be
grateful!
Does this describe any couples that you know?
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poetdude:
responding to D.S.:
> Colin, for me, your post just justified the pretty intensive sifting
through
> of information here. Thanks much for sharing the thought. You're a guy
I'm
> pretty sure who actually is getting laid. (Mystery another one of them, I
> think.) If you have any tips on how to go about pulling off cooking a
> romantic dinner _and_ then taking the brawd into the bedroom, might you
> share them?
OK, this is the oldest trick in the book -- kinda surprised that this
comes to you as an epiphany. First of all, women are on to this: they
will only accept an invitation to your pad if they already have some trust
and interest in you. So if they show up, you're halfway there. Most will
accept -- for the same reasons that you would accept a woman's offer to
cook *you* dinner, and maybe some other ones (intrigue, non-standard date
idea, nurturance etc). You can make it 'safer' for her by a) setting up
something to do outside afterwards (so it doesn't seem like you're just
luring her into the den, though you can always decide to change plans
together) b) saying that "oh, my roommates are going to be there and I'd
really like you to meet them". You get the drift.
To make this successful, there are some essential elements. First: you
need to be able to cook something well. Don't need to have this vast
5-star repertoire; one dish respectably prepared will do. That said, the
better cook you are, the greater the effect (duh). I do a three course
meal (this is not a cooking show, so if you want the recipe, ask me
off-list) -- asparagus appetizer, some salmon thing, and dessert (yes, it
does come out very well). During the preparation, you're performing and
displaying mastery of your domain -- big turn-on. Good time to fluff.
You can fluff during the meal as well, but you'll be even better served if
you amplify and anchor the sensations of the food you're sharing together.
I finish off the meal with some kind of chocolate dessert, pulled from my
big stash of exotic chocolates. Needless to say, this is an excellent
time to get into some sensory-rich descriptions, and a perfect opportunity
to do a BJ pattern (thanks Ross) as you tell her about the chocolate treat
she's about to get before you actually give it to her. My favorite (and
most effective) chocolate treat has to do with truffles that I stuffed
inside a hollowed-out strawberry. This particular dessert leads to
ooh-aahs, and usually mutual feeding and kiss-swapping. Very sensual, and
only microns away from sex, if you think about it.
Anyway, getting a little clinical here. If by now you haven't started the
post-dinner smoochathon, usually you are both so happy and sated that you
will want a nap (and opportunity for her to display some reciprocity). 5
of 6 times the women have found their own way to my bed -- I just put on
some soothing music and join them (after all, it's my bed). The other
time, I said "I need a nap", she waffled a bit, and decided to leave --
and came back 10 minutes later for the rest of dessert, rowr. (Also, keep
in mind the axiom that a woman will NEVER get into an unmade bed. Ya
heard it here first). From there, if you can't get any action, you
probably don't deserve any. Progressive massage (hand rub, leading to
back rub, to body rub, to rub-a-dub-dub) works well. As far as efficacy
goes -- this has worked 100% of the time (six for six). Granted, they
already liked me, but every time it was the first or second date, and I
tend to think it accelerated the process considerably -- speed seduction»
at its best. Twice it was just a spur of the moment thing -- at the end of
a bike ride I said I have some salmon in the fridge, and she was more than
happy to have dinner cooked for her. The other times, they were actually
invited. Moral of the story: always make your bed and have some salmon,
strawberries and good chocolate handy.
ps: to the smartasses who will say "if this works so well, why don't you
do this all the time", I answer: a) I'm lazy and b) she has to deserve it
before I'm willing to do it.
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D.S.:
^Maxin comments on the above:
This is an example of focusing on the wrong place. Your question reveals
essentially that a. you want to get good at seduction and b. that you
^want to be prepared to know what to do when the opportunity presents
itself and very subtly also c. that sex is scarce and you don't want to
^fuck up opportunities when they come up because they don't happen often
But who could argue that actual, viable opportunities at sex aren't scarce?
Personally, I think humans' greatest source of unhappiness is that we have
language and therefore customs and therefore clothes and in having these
we've buried the animal in ourselves so that, the end result, if we see a
mate we're attracted to we cannot simply walk up and mount her, as would a
lion, a squirrel, a fucking rat. Which thing we cannot do, I think causes
great visceral despair in us.
Which is why this entire goal discussed here, of getting the quickest sex
possible, is so happiness-producing.
But I'm going to point something out here, and I wonder if people won't
agree with me. The very fact that this enormous body of thought has been
generated on getting sex (the very fact of this e-mail list's existence) is
evidence that sex for humans takes effort to get, that sex is sometimes
difficult to get, that sex is _scarce_.
Because consider this: what's the ratio, do you think, just for yourself,
of the number of mates you've laid eyes on and wanted, and the number of
mates you've laid eyes on and wanted _and_ drilled? Wrist-slittingly small,
eh?
So goddam I would argue that sex "is" fucking scarce. And even if you
happen to be getting a lot of it (which, for people on this list, I have my
doubts, with all due respect, because what would motivate someone to seek
this info if they were already contented w/r/t sex), it still, on a species
level, in proportion to other animals, is scarce.
To get back on track. Thanks to Maxin for commenting on ways of getting a
date back to your place after coffee or drinks. To be so seemingly
_indifferent_ to whether she joins you or not in watching a video at your
place -- this strikes me as genius.
^I don't have time to explain in depth, quoting everything that was
^said, and detailing every movement. People have been having sex for
enturies. Hell, millennia. It's not rocket science. Recently, I was
^hanging out with a woman...friend of a friend...watching cable at
her apartment in the afternoon, and chatting. Conversation ebbs and
^flows and, at one point, I'm getting the eye scan, so I lean in to
kiss her. Things heat up, and by the time we're half undressed, she
^suggests we go into her bedroom. As I say, it's not rocket science.
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oui...fornicate:
Man, I think you stuck your foot in your mouth. If it's not 'rocket
science,' meaning, presumably, it's not significantly complicated and
complex and difficult, then why in hell are reasonable people spending time
on this list? If getting sex isn't significantly complicated and complex
and difficult, then why in shit's name would someone spend hundreds of
dollars on Ross Jeffries' tapes and seminars?
I think anyone with a sensible head on his shoulders can see that getting
sex _is_ fucking 'rocket science'. Getting sex is significantly complicated
and complex and difficult for humans. I wondered whether anyone had ever
had actually success using Speed Seduction», i.e., whether anyone every met
anybody in the bright of day and, without the aid of alcohol or drugs,
nailed the brawd. And you respond by saying you once had sexual intercourse
with a woman after the two of you were watching a movie on your TV? What
about that encounter was Speed Seduction»?
I'll just go ahead and throw this out, that the ultimate transcending of the
human burdens of language and customs and 'civilization' would be to meet a
woman in your daily goings-on and be banging her an hour later. Warren
Beatty, in Shampoo, said that he enjoyed banging women because it made him
feel like he was never going to die, and if anyone has ever done such a
thing as meet a woman in their daily goings-on and been banging her an hour
later, I would imagine that the feeling would be so great that it would seem
you would be ready to die. Personally, I've never had such a conquest.
(One-night stands begun in a drunken stupor at clubs or bars or parties
don't count, to my mind.) But I really wonder whether anyone here has.
If anybody can put up a link to a site with some good 'patterns' to try out,
I'd be appreciative. I'm willing to try anything.
once.
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Joshua:
Comments for Jeff: meeting girls at college
Jeff, I'm in college myself. Since I live in a town with a large student
population, it's easy to get a number close when I meet HB's off campus.
I've closed a few girls at a few bookstores, in the mall and even two girls
at the grocery store together. If you don't want "I'm always here" bs, then
don't meet them when they are doing something that is part of their routine.
If you want to meet a girl on campus, catch her at one of those traveling
poster sales (something not permanent). If you met her doing something she
does not usually do or is not part of her routine, then there is a huge
chance you'll never meet again. Her hand is forced, if she's worth talking
too, you can get a number close. Do you have any HB's in your apartment
complex? Show her that you're the cool guy-friend that every girl wants to
bang, and then date her friends after she's talked you up to them. Every HB
is an opportunity, not just the ones on their way to class.
One other bit. Are you sure you're approaching the kind of girls that you
are really interested in, or just girls that you think you would be
interested in? There's a difference.
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Halbster:
> Maxin:
> Commenting on Dan: "Commenting on: "You are coming from the "dating
frame"
> here and will get what you expect. By following the traditional dating
> process, you put sex on a pedestal and hand the controls over to the
woman.
> Wouldn't it be much better to create states of curiosity, excitement,
Maxin's response was good. I just wanted to add that the original poster
needs to change his perception. He is writing about banging hot "brawds".
I've never banged anyone in my life, especially a "brawd". However, I have
met many hot women who I've shared wonderful sexual experiences with. Stop
thinking of them as brawds and start thinking of them as people. There is a
funny thing that I've noticed about people. Most of them have certain,
fears, desires, wants, needs, and cravings. Some of them are common from
person to person, and many of them are unique and individual to each person,
or a common emotion expressed in a unique and individual way.
Stop thinking of banging these people and start focusing on meeting them and
discovering who they are. Then you can focus on eliciting and sharing more
and more wonderful states with them. Like Maxin says "The chief aim of your
practice, should be 'how can I get her to want to take ME home" not "how do
I get her somewhere I can bang her." The best solution for you is to get
some of the SS courses or go to a seminar so you understand the concept.
Forgetting the dating frame is absolutely not about not getting to know
people or spending time with them. SS is about getting to understand people
and connect at much deeper levels. Skipping the dating frame means stepping
outside the rules, roles, restrictions, and encumbrances that dating
creates. What if you can just meet and connect with people? What if as
you connect with them feelings develop? What if you happen to plan or
spontaneously do a mutual activity together? Much of SS focuses on
structuring opportunities and creating challenges. Very often it is these
structures that create the future get togethers. For example are you an
adventurous person? How'd you like to (insert activity i.e. be hypnotized,
go rock climbing, scuba diving, to an art exhibit, swing dancing, etc.)
Major Mark was a member of a Friend of the Zoo Society. He used to invite
women to watch snowleopards be fed. It helps to be creative, original,
unique, and interesting rather than the stereoptical movie date.
As to where we have sex? Once she wants to have sex she will help you with
this. You might have to slow her down to get to an appropriate place. Or
you might choose to do it in an inappropriate place. Examples of the later
might include an unused meeting room at a country club (late at nite) or
hotel, the beach, a parking deck, a car, a bathroom, the woods, a cornfield,
a lake. Use your imagination, good judgment, and please respect other
people when picking locations. Good luck.
Jeff wrote about challenges with getting college babes phone numbers. It's
been a while since I've been a while since I've been on campus; however, I
think maybe I can help.
1) COLLEGE CAMPUSES ARE DIFFERENT -- at least if it isn't a
commuter/suitcase campus. People expect to run into each other again.
People also feel safer handing out numbers to fellow students than they do
handing out numbers to strangers in the big city. I think your approaches
were designed more for meeting a total stranger than someone who is part of
a common community.
2) YOUR 2 APPROACHES -- In fact on a college campus what has to happen for
us to talk again might even have one of the following affects (supplicating,
seem like a stalker type, seem desperate, seem overly aggressive about it,
or overly formal). I think you'd be better off saying "You're interesting.
Let's talk again because this is fun."
Your other approach "I'd like to talk to you again without distractions" has
a few subtle flaws. First the emphasis is on "I". They don't care so much
about what you want. What is it that they want? Thus, I flipped this into
Let's (This is a "WE"). Your primary goal is to just talk again. If she
likes you she'll help you to find a place without distractions. There is no
need to mention distractions. These distractions probably don't exist in
her mind. They probably existed in your mind because your focus on seducing
her was causing you to view other people as distractions/interference. She
was probably comfortable there. Having other people around might even give
her a necessary feeling of safety. The idea that you don't want them around
sends the message to her "I better put my guard up because he wants to jump
my bones or something." Distractions is also insulting her by saying she
didn't have your total attention.
3) THINK ABOUT ALL OF THE NUMBERS YOU DO GET ON CAMPUS -- I bet your
deleting lots of numbers because they don't fall into the pickup/sarge
classification. You probably have phone numbers for many friends. How did
it happen. Exchanging numbers should be natural just like that. In other
words, this was fun wasn't it. Let's get together latter. What's your
number? Or even give me your number AND I'll call you. (Here I think the
"AND" helps kind of like a preconditioned "because" response ala Cialdini).
4) ALTERNATIVES TO GETTING NUMBERS -- However, there are much better ways
than going for the phone number.
A) Talk to her and find out where she lives. Not only is this easy and
natural to do, but also it will make getting her number easier.
B) The best thing to do is plan an activity together. You can arrange to
meet her to do something fun. A common activity can eliminate the need for
her number and/or make getting her number easier.
C) You can also create a need for her to talk with you again i.e. get her
curious -- unanswered question -- something she wants and needs to contact
you in the future to get.
Another approach can be used when she gives you that "I'm always here
response that you mentioned." Rather than seeming desperate and wanting her
number so badly (the impression I got from your post), you can take away the
opportunity.
i.e. This was a lot of fun too bad we're probably not going to see each
other
again. Her "What do you mean" Well, you know how it is you meet people all
the time, have great conversations and bond, but then that is it. At least,
that
happens to me because I'm really busy (adding a subtle challenge and
intrigue). Now, she has to work to see you again.
When I was in college one of my favorite approaches (among Greeks) was to
tell a sorority woman that I was pledging and I had to get her interview.
This was great because I could quickly write down her full name, address,
phone number, I could ask her lots of questions to find things in common and
other useful info, and I could ask her things that might otherwise be
difficult to get away asking.
Good luck.
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