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Sisonpyh’s Random Thoughts
2/25/01 10:23:11 AM Eastern Standard Time
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Sisonpyh:
To Kitty: You want me (YES it is getting hot in here... if you will calm
yourself and breath just a little less heavy, it will cool down).
To the guys... lately I've been having these realizations where all the
things that I've learned are starting to connect better for me.
So I've been writing them down for myself to remember exactly how the
different concepts fit together. Here are some of them, in no special order
or format... some may not make complete sense, but I think you'll find some
great stuff in here...
Females select males MOST of the time in nature... and in modern human
courtship (I've read this in many books now and verified it in my experience
as well). And even if the man selects the woman, many if not most women
still harbor the secret fantasy that they're 'letting him do it,' etc. It's
good to address this issue and point out (even if you do it obliquely and
talk about past experiences to make the point) that you are the selector and
not the selectee... This kind of thing is very, very, very fucking powerful,
as it does one of my favorite things: It points out something to the woman
that she's most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. I
specialize in saying things that women have never heard. I also like to say
things that she's never heard that MAKE ME DIFFERENT IN A DESIRABLE WAY. I
even say to women "I'm about to tell you something (or something about you)
that no one has ever told you..." This really gets a woman on the edge of
her seat and puts her into an instant trance (when done in a context that
makes sense). And if the thing you tell them is profound enough, they'll
begin to see you as a sort of super psychic powerhouse. My personal view is
that if you make people have profound realizations, they'll see you as a
guru rather than seeing the information or themselves as powerful. It
doesn't matter where the info came from, as long as it's something she's
never really thought about in that way that's profound to her. One good
example is to say to a hot woman who's acting arrogant "You don't have me
fooled for a minute, dear." When she says "What are you talking about?" you
say "Well, I know that most men fall for this 'I'm beautiful and aloof and I
get my way' part of your personality... but I know something that none of
them know... that there's really another side of you. A side that none of
THEM get to see. I'll bet you a dollar right now that I know something about
you that no one who's only known you for 5 minutes has EVER known...
pause pause>... You may act tough, but you're actually EXTREMELY sensitive
on the inside. If someone makes a negative comment to you, you might act
like it doesn't bother you... but you'll think about it all the way home...
I know that secretly you're as sensitive as a little girl... it's just that
most people never get to meet that part of you..." This fucks up a cold
bitchy woman soooo hard that you have to be ready for instant personality
meltdown and a completely different person to come out of her. At this
point, it's often easy to start talking about the whole pick up scene and
how women play men, etc. to let her know you're an insider and not falling
for her game. If you drop two or three more profound comments during this
time, you'll have a woman that won't leave you alone (lol... but keep acting
like you want to be left alone so she'll stay after you!). Nice.
Women often view men picking up on them as a game... they talk about it with
each other, they have standard lines that they learn "Why don't you give me
your number...?" and so on. I know that some, maybe even most go out with
the mindset of "I'm never going to meet Mr. Right at a club, but it boosts
my ego to have men paying attention to me by the dozens, and I like to have
free drinks... and I love to dance with my girlfriends and be a tease... and
I love the power of shooting men down while pretending to be annoyed by
it... etc." By addressing the issue with a "I'm sure that every drunk dumb
ass and his nine friends have been picking up on you all night..." and
talking about the game, making comments about the above, and generally
talking about the whole thing like you're an insider (also mentioning that
you accept no bullshit like this yourself) to her secret 'girl games' you
separate yourself from the crowd and build rapport at a deep level. For
instance, when a woman says "why don't you give me your number?" and I start
laughing and say "Yeah, right" this does a lot. It says "No, no, no you
don't... I'm not some average dumb ass that's here like a sheep to get
shorn. Try again, girlie". The key is to have them know that you know all
the bullshit and that you have zero interest in playing like the rest of the
dumb asses (the same model works in the same way for strippers... if you
know all their games and how they use them to get money from men, they'll
feel rapport with you and not use them as much on you...) Note: always add
generous amounts of dry humor and elitist humor... very effective in both
situations.
Hot women are approached in one way or another all the time by men. Guys are
constantly trying to find new 'angles' and 'lines' so that it can 'appear
natural' when they talk to a woman. I mean, hell... most women's fantasy is
to meet a guy in a charming place and have this whole unplanned romantic
thing happen right out of a movie (irony: unplanned and right out of a
movie). I really think that instead of trying to mask a pick up, just make
it damn good. If you can just be in the more interesting category, you'll
get her attention, which is a major step. Then you can lean into the cocky
and funny routine and take it from there. Don't try to hide the fact that
you're picking them up... be great at it, then get into cocky and funny (and
reframe as them picking you up! Ha).
To the idea "What is it about fame and money and power that attracts women
and how can you steal those anchors?" I say that women are attracted to men
that are famous, rich, powerful for a REASON. My guess is that they believe
on a genetically and socially programmed, unconscious level that these men
are more intelligent, more fun, more interesting, more able to give them the
lifestyle... and MOST IMPORTANTLY... give them the FEELINGS that they want.
They also want someone that fits into their self image fantasies that have
been forming since they were very young... and thanks to Disney they were
imbedded even further than her genetic wiring ever intended.... So what's
the answer to the puzzle? I think that it's all about interrupting the
current train of thought with some type of DIFFERENT AND INTERESTING
behavior. You can use tricks or props or whatever, but you have to interrupt
the woman and first get her attention... then you can get to the good part
of doing the things that give her the FEELINGS that she wants and playing
the part of the MAN that her unconscious wants. Many experts talk of getting
rapport initially... I've found that breaking rapport usually works better
for me. But it's a special kind of breaking rapport. I break rapport in a
funny and charming way, which actually ASSUMES rapport from the beginning (I
insult women that I don't know in a playful way all the time. Her only real
choices are to respond internally and externally with "This guy is a jerk,
I'm outta here" or "You've got some balls... but you're damn funny... and
for some reason, I feel like I know you...") When you point out a woman's
quirks or insecurities in a way that makes her laugh, you do so many
positive things at once. She can't deny that the things you're saying are
true, BECAUSE SHE'S LAUGHING. And she can't really hate you too much,
because it's kind of fun. Overall, the answer is to realize that rich,
powerful, famous guys have the advantage at the beginning from their
FAMILIARITY and ASSUMED, PROJECTED positive traits. But if you can learn to
get a woman's attention and then give her the FEELINGS that she's always
wanted, she'll treat you like you're famous, rich, and powerful as well.
'Means' is the most attractive thing to females in nature... not looks or
size (although size quite often leads to means... if you're the big guy, you
kick all the little guy's asses). But the point is that if you have the
means, the females are all about you. I decided about 8 years ago to get
money handled in my life, and since I've learned to make money when I want
to, my social life has improved as well. Learning the skills required to
make money in business usually means learning to deal with people in a
professional way, dress and look professional, and cultivate self confidence
through mastery of your profession. I personally advise my friends to learn
a skill and profession in such a way that you can charge $100 an hour or
more for your time, and learn how to get people to pay you this much when
you provide your services (Of course, I love the idea of building a business
and generating passive income as well... but learning a skill that you can
provide for $100+ an hour usually leads to many other skills that are very
valuable). I know that everyone wants to know what they can do that's worth
$100 an hour... some good ideas are becoming a sales or marketing
consultant, a real estate professional, a stock broker or financial
planner... anything that involves helping other people (not that all of
these professionals always HELP people). If you're living the lifestyle that
YOU want to live, and you could give a fuck about whether a woman likes your
house or car or whatever, this makes you much more attractive overall. Most
of the men that I know who are terminally unsuccessful with women don't have
their professional lives handled... and I don't think that this is a random
coincidence. Keep in mind, I'm talking about money from a different
perspective than most... I'm not saying to use the money to buy a woman's
attention... I'm saying learn how to earn a high income so that you learn
the lessons for yourself... many of which will automatically lead to success
with women. I'll throw in that many successful men that I know can't get
attention from women to save their lives... there's more to it than just
money. There's also the commitment to learning how to deal with yourself and
with women.
'Desirable' women including rich women, beautiful women, famous women,
whatever are used to being treated like queens. (It's really no fault of
theirs... very handsome men are notorious for acting arrogant. It's part of
being a human... we can all become spoiled easily if the right combination
of circumstances arise... by the way, it's good to keep a "You're spoiled,
and I don't really blame you for it... you were just lucky to be born
beautiful and have everyone kiss your ass" attitude...) Being spoiled, they
act bratty to get their way, but the ass kissing and always getting their
way also has another effect... since they are so used to being courted and
having a man kiss their ass, when you show up and act funny and charming,
and don't play into any of their games (make fun of them, do the pretend
ass-kisser imitation, tell them that they want you, tease them, don't answer
ANY of their questions about job, car, home, social, where you go, etc. and
even label all of those questions as "Did you get a list of these questions
like all the other shallow women in Hollywood?" etc.) it often has the
effect of them thinking "Wow, this is sure DIFFERENT." and it gets their
attention. The humor and arrogance (arrogance based on a self knowing, not
an outer success or trappings thing) keeps their attention. Underneath all
of this, most of these powerful women have the shadow of secretly wanting a
man that is in control of himself, his reality, and them... but they'd never
admit it... often not even to themselves. But the unconscious knows and
recognizes this as something that they want. They also hold a kind of inner
CONTEMPT for the weak people (especially men) that give them everything they
want... as evidenced by the "Oh, he's just a guy I use to buy me things...
my 'Boytoy' etc." They will take what is available to them (even if they
have to do a little manipulation for it), but they will resent and
disrespect the man that gives it (another example: A girl I was hanging out
with at a club last weekend was bragging about redlining her hair dresser's
new Porsche just moments before our conversation (her hairdresser was right
there at the club in front of us), but making fun of him and letting me know
that he's never going to get any from her behind his back... and loving my
buddy and I as we busted her balls). As a matter of fact, to most hot women
THEIR REALITY is that men kiss their ass and do what they want (worst case,
they have to get upset or act bitchy to get their way). AGAIN, THIS IS THEIR
REALITY. Men that don't fit this are often just tuned out as if they didn't
exist... to keep this reality as pure as possible for them. (Also, I think
that many women harbor a contempt for their beauty... at a shadow level,
they are kept from living a REAL life and being closer to the REAL world.
Addressing this is VERY powerful.) This is very counter intuitive, but
again, we're dealing with female human behavior, which has roots and drives
that are complex and often difficult to trace. The solution is to not kiss
ass or do things for them... expect them to pull their own weight, call them
on all of their issues and fucked up behaviors just like you would a guy
friend or family member (same "you're my friend and I'm saying this for your
benefit" tone) tease and make fun of their insecurities, reframe other men
who kiss their ass, and put beauty in a new light (as a curse, etc. how she
can never have anyone see her for who she truly is, and how every man she
knows would sleep with her in a minute, and how it often leads to less inner
fulfillment). The fact is that women will bang rich men who kiss their asses
and model handsome guys who don't treat them well to satisfy their PHYSICAL
drives... but overall, an average looking man that takes good care of
himself and makes enough money to live comfortably who is cocky, direct,
challenging, confident, funny, and in control... one who challenges her
constantly and never kisses her ass EVER will be FAR more fulfilling to a
beautiful woman than the other types. This difference is not only
interesting to her, it's challenging as well (something she doesn't
experience often). A man that does such will not only be able to win her
body, but also her interest and fascination... as well as keeping her fucked
up behaviors more in check and staying in control of the situation.
To flirt and tease: Today when I first met this girl, I took her hand when
she got into the car and held it for a few seconds... then took it away
saying "No hand holding this early" as if it were her idea... at breakfast,
I put out my hand for her to take it, and then when she went to take it, I
moved it before she touched me... then did it again... and again saying "No,
really..." finally, after the meal was finished, I reached out for her hand,
and she wouldn't take mine... so I actually grabbed her hand and held it and
massaged it... this was teasing and teasing... and then when she finally
gave up I gave it to her. Then, she kissed my on the cheek/neck a couple of
times when we were hugging and I accused her of kissing me a lot, etc. (Idea
is that she's into me and the aggressor). One part of this is me doing
something (holding her hand) and then accusing her of doing it ("no hand
holding this early").
Some women really get intrigued if you 'figure them out' early on in the
game and have their number... and then just 'laugh at how cute they are'
when they do things. This gets them all freaked out, as they feel like
you're in control and they don't know what to do next... like you know all
the games they're playing and won't fall for any of their old tricks... this
makes them nervous as they don't have any POWER OR AMMO! They love this, as
men are hardly ever in control... and they secretly want someone who is.
(It's VERY important not to become the 'friend/therapist' with this
information... and start kissing their ass! The idea is to use it to bust
their balls, not to be understanding.) It's funny to see how the friendship
frame works with them, because this gets them thinking, often for the first
time "Wow, maybe I just found a man that is smarter than me, knows my little
games, and HE has higher standards than ME for once... and now he's talking
about being 'just friends!' Oh no! Doesn't he like me? Doesn't he want me
like all the other guys?" A key here is to always keep them guessing...
never get too into them or they'll get right into their old games, etc.
Remember that the different parts of the brain have different drives, goals,
aspirations, fears, etc.. and they aren't always congruent.
Notice whether a woman was raised by mom, dad, both, etc. How her mom dealt
with her dad and/or she learned to deal with dad is often how she'll deal
with you. If there was no dad/brothers, she won't know how to deal with a
man. if he gets upset, she might just apologize because she doesn't know
better. Also take into account age, personality type, etc.(these are gross
over generalizations, but often valid).
Women LOVE to talk about sex. more than men, actually. So talk about it and
make jokes about it openly. they'll get right into detail.
Touching Frame. touching a woman fires off the unconscious 'More than just a
friend' idea.
Einstein - a problem can't be solved at the level of thinking at which it
was created.
Women are extremely adaptable. they will go with whatever you present them
with, as long as you are OK with it. Just make sure that you don't give in
to their BS and control/testing.
Women understand code, they don't understand the actual message. or they
think that direct communication is lame or less valid. not dramatic and
interesting enough. they are like an enigma machine on a sub. You have to
know how to speak in the code that arouses their desires, unconscious code,
etc. Metaphor, story, poem, music, humor, sarcasm, ball busting, challenges,
etc. Women read body language» and subtle cues FAR better than most men...
and they're often sending many messages that are never picked up by men
because they're traveling on a frequency and coded in a language that most
men don't even know exist. They want a puzzle and a challenge. and if they'
re never sure, they'll keep on trying. once they think they've got you, it's
over. No good deed goes unpunished. Mixed messages are the best messages.
Above identity in the logical levels might be 'reality'. meaning Who's
reality is the reality? If you're acting as if the other's reality or a
group of others is in control of the reality, it will go. and esp. women. If
your reality is THE reality, then your identity and the identity of others
in your reality will fall into place. This also plays out, if you react
emotionally to someone, something they say, etc. then you're showing that
their reality is THE reality. if you react by saying "What are you, high or
crazy?" and stay in control of the reality, others will follow. Most
importantly, people are attracted to people who are in charge of their
reality.
Frame: Men act as if the women is the one who's reality controls the
situation, and they therefore have thoughts like "Well, what if she says
'No, you can't have sex with other women?' and 'What if she wants to spend
Valentines with you?'" The key is to have your reality be the one that SHE
is in. not the other way around. so you say "What? What the hell are you
talking about? You need to go be with some pussy guy who wants to be told
what to do." It all comes down to who's reality it is. and the key is to
make your reality the dominant one. in fact, "You're in my reality now" has
to come across with such conviction, that it's not questioned, and the only
thing that's questioned is her own view of the way things are supposed to
be. so she says to herself "Oh, maybe I should think about this
differently."
Little boys hit little girls when they're 8, and women still love to be
spanked when they're 28. Find something about them, and make fun of it in a
way so they don't know if you're serious, speak in metaphor and story, do
thoughtful things, talk about feelings and longings. speak code, never speak
directly.
Women like the idea of being swept away by the moment. especially when it's
a taboo thing and we shouldn't be doing it, etc. The more unplanned things
seem, the better. for instance, if we happen to wind up in my room and I
happen to be massaging a hand, smelling, etc. it's seen as 'meant to be' or
something, and therefore a good thing to get swept away by. Create
situations that lead to these situations. think Milton Erickson. What
situation would facilitate the outcome that I'm looking for naturally?
Details. notice what a woman likes, and surprise her by being thoughtful,
combining small things that she likes, etc. SMALL, thoughtful surprises are
the best when done on your terms.
Pay attention: How do I know when a girl is the type that will respond
mainly to sweetness? Pay attention to whether they respond to ball busting,
and if not, try something else!
Why younger women are better (reframe for dating women much younger than
you): Women mature much faster than men. That's why you always see women who
are younger with older men, but almost never the reverse. But the flip side
is that women reach a maturity peak at about 18-20 where they can really
understand and think like a mature adult. while it takes longer for men. And
when a woman is younger like this, they are often more open and not as jaded
or broken yet. This is why I enjoy younger women. they are more free, open,
adventurous, and fun. not as stuck in a role of what society or their family
wants them to be, and more willing to be who they really are.
Good dialogue chunk: "I'll bet that you have most men wrapped around your
finger. even if in the beginning they stand up to you, you always win in the
end and get whatever you want, which is when you lose interest and leave. I
just want to tell you right now, you will never ever ever have me wrapped
around your finger. not even for a second at any time. And I just wanted to
let you know that up front."
OK, so that's it for random comments on my part... hope you learned
something, and thanks again guys for all the great stuff.
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