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A silver lining eventually emerged
6/22/01 2:07:59 PM Eastern Daylight Time
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How to Live the James Bond Lifestyle is an "audiobook" (looks like a
cassette tape to me) (it's $15 - see the website http://www.bondlife.com/).
The creators were kind enough to send me a copy for me to review here.
While I have listened to it several times now, trying to understand how this
will transform someone into a person who would actually live this lifestyle,
I just keep coming to the conclusion that this is another product that
offers advice that is non-advice. For example, of ten rules they point out,
#1 is "Don't run out of money" (it's also rule #10 as well). Maybe I am
more sophisticated than I think I am, but this is just so common sense that
I can't see this as being particularly useful (and, frankly, I don't think
explaining HOW not to run out of money would be relevant to the subject
matter, but just telling someone not to run out of money doesn't register
with me as being useful advice). There was an intriguing comment about
women and that was that the tape encourages you to, for instance, go to
charity events or volunteer at a hospital -- the idea being that the kind of
women that you will meet in such an environment will be of a much higher
quality than what you will find in bars or in other less noble places. But
as I thought about that, I came right away to the conclusion that while that
may be a good idea as a place to meet a better quality of woman, that won't
give anyone listening to the tape the skills needed to actually attract such
a woman. Certainly, James Bond had a style, a confidence, a whole mentality
that went into his dealing with women and I think that is what someone
listening to this tape is really looking for in that department. When I was
younger, many times I was in places such as hospitals, charity events,
religious houses, etc. where there were women. But the problem was that I
was still me, with my own issues that got in the way of meeting them no
matter where I was. Just because I would be in the right place, doesn't
mean I would turn into James Bond without a lot more than the tape offers.
And I don't seem to recall James Bond meeting too many women of high moral
character either (and not too many in Churches, either). It seems clear
that the author is a major Bond fan and will hopefully come out with a
product that really does direct someone to live such a lifestyle, but I
don't think this one is it.
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Major Mark: The one request that got to me and has tremendous appeal is for
me to come to Montreal and teach my entire sequence in order -- from Intro
to
Hypnosis through the advanced applications. I like it because the students
who have have the best impact on their lives are the ones who have taken the
sequence in the order I designed -- what a surprise!
I'll be out in San Diego in a couple of weeks to sit down with Steve and
finish planning for two seminars -- the promised "Psychic Power" in Sedona,
and a return to Montreal. We'll keep you posted.
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Draz:
Thought this looked interesting. And it seems cheap enough....
www.ken-x.com
My Comment: This looks really interesting, but they don't ship to Canada.
Someone please review this for us!
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GameMaster:
> GameMaster (from private email):
> Debi took her Blammo like a man and laughed when I was done throwing the
> kitchen sink at her...she said "I've read about you guys and you didn't
have
> to do all that, but I AM amused!" Another case of 'was the connection here
> first, or did I create it?' Who really cares right?
>
> My Comment: This brings up a very interesting topic. Several women I
have
> known have told me that they make up their mind in 30 seconds whether they
> would sleep with a guy or not. In order for that to actually happen, the
> guy just basically has to avoid doing anything stupid to turn her off. So
> the question is, how much of our seduction efforts actually are the reason
> we had success and how much is it just because we avoided the usual
mistakes
> guys make after she's already decided she's interested? For example, out
of
> 20 women you meet that you want to pursue something further, how many
would
> you say you would succeed with because of how many did you get because
she
> wanted you, and how many because she had either decided against you or was
> ambivalent but you were able to seduce her by creating interest in various
> forms? Comments?
It may be worth mentioning that Debi is a licensed Hypnotherapist...I guess
words out in the community. Last nite she mentioned Wendi's book "Hypnotize
Your
Lover" and wanted to know if I'd heard of it. Sheepishly I said no.
My Comment: Not a good idea. These women are sneaky -- in that situation, I
would have thought about it a minute and the possibility that she spoke to
Wendi may have come up. Wendi says to her, "Hey, you're in NC, do you know
GameMaster -- he really liked my book!" and the next thing you know....
Now, if I
were you, I would call up Wendi and somehow try and find out how much she
may have told Debi. But now you are treading on that unwritten bond between
women and if Debi spoke to Wendi after you said you hadn't heard of Wendi...
Big trouble, man.
GameMaster Continues:
Now, I have to inform all the Brothers who may be going to school at Auburn
"Your cover is BLOWN". My 19 year old daughter was up last week and we went
out on the town one nite, she was looking radiant and I was trying to think
of
something special to complement her on so I guess my subconcious reached
into my SS bag of goodies and I said 'something' to which she replied " Oh
my God, some guy
told me the same thing just last week, he said I had a quiet elegance and
was saying
something about a chord of light or something like that.....he was weird".
Obviously I
congratulated my daughter on having the presence of mind to shut this
scumbag down cold, and I'm sorry guys...I told her what to look out for.
The worst thing about having a 19 year old daughter......19 year olds are
off
the target list!
My Comment: So I guess you would prefer that she go out with someone that
doesn't know any of this stuff (because she is going to go out with guys,
one way or the other, like it or not, Dad). I guess I am wondering what the
reason for that would be? In theory (and, of course, it doesn't always work
that way), knowing SS should give a guy the ability to communicate with her
better and the goal is to have her experience greater pleasure than she
would with other guys. Yeah, there will be guys out there who will only
want to fuck her -- but that's the same story with the ones who don't know
this stuff. In fact, the ones who don't know this stuff who are skilled
enough to entice a hottie like your daughter are often the real scumbags who
just know how to smoothtalk women. A guy who learned SS could be a real
nice guy who was fed up not being successful and this helps him out -- I
would say your odds of her going out with a good guy are probably higher if
he knows SS than if he didn't if she's really attractive (because the really
nice guys who don't know SS will usually just fumble when they talk to a
really
attractive girl). Can we say "reframe"?
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Magic Juan:
>I think for now, I am better off to just some how try to approach and just
>talk to women and get over the fear of looking like a loser if things do
not
>go well. Once I nip that in the bud, I can resubscribe to the list and
>hopefully contribute something useful.
>
>My Comment: I think that the above two items point to issues that probably
>a lot of guys reading this have and the hole point of these emails is find
>the best ways to change that. I guess I am a little surprised to see that
>some of these reports are causing some serious frustration to the point
>where some of you want off the subscriber list to not have to read about
>other people's successes. Comments on this would be appreciated.
I have found that forgetting about seduction on cold approaches is useful
in learning those approaches. For a guy who was not accustomed to talking
to strangers, including seduction techniques was just too much and it -- as
in this guy's case -- would prevent approaches altogether. I think the
chatter in my head was something on the lines that to fail after having the
techniques laid out for me by others was worse than just failing. On
the flip side, seduction becomes easier once talking to strangers is not so
damn foreign.
Maybe this guy needs to be off the list to forget about seduction or to
stop comparing himself to others.
>Magic Juan:
>More On the silent pause:
>
>Recently I was on a call with a woman who was making excuses
>as to why she could not keep our meeting. The excuses were
>[...]
>When she got to the end of the excuses, I had not heard the
>answer. So there was a long pause as I first reviewed her
>excuses to see if I could find the answer in them and then,
>when I failed to recognize one, formulated my question to her
>as to what she was going to do to fix her schedule. Right as
>I got clear enough on my question to put it to her, she answered
>it. She just blurted out something like "Never mind. I'll do
>whatever I have to do and call you back." She called me back
Another thing I remember is I had previously established a frame
with this chick related to creating openings in her schedule and
filling in the hole with what she wants most or some crap like
that. It would seem to me that during a silent pause a chick
just might fill the silence with what she would expect me to say
normally AND that whatever she puts there then becomes her own
idea. Comments?
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Brother Marcus Surrealius:
> My Comment: This brings up a very interesting topic. Several women I
have
> known have told me that they make up their mind in 30 seconds whether they
> would sleep with a guy or not. In order for that to actually happen, the
> guy just basically has to avoid doing anything stupid to turn her off. So
> the question is, how much of our seduction efforts actually are the reason
> we had success and how much is it just because we avoided the usual
mistakes
> guys make after she's already decided she's interested?
Seems to me we have the Rashomon effect here. Whenever a person remembers
something, their current state of consciousness influences what they
remember. I'm not sure whether this has anything to do with the
understanding that the unconscious mind can't really tell the difference
between input and output. Nonetheless, there's a ton of brain research that
shows how memory is an iterative process. Decisions look cut and dry in
retrospect, but in practice I've noticed that they get remade over and over
again until they are subconscious habit. That's why time distortion is so
powerful; it posits having made the decision over and over again for months.
Further, avoiding the typical mistakes would only allow you access to a
woman's usual repertoire of romantic possibilities. It wouldn't make for her
looking back and thinking, "Wow! He's opened up parts of me I never knew I
had!" And we know how the technology we are discussing can let this happen.
Now, I would still allow that first impressions are important. But in order
to convert that positive first impression into a beautiful experience down
the line, there needs to be some consistency in between.
> Magic Juan:
> On the silent pause:
...
> When she got to the end of the excuses, I had not heard the
> answer. So there was a long pause as I first reviewed her
> excuses to see if I could find the answer in them and then,
> when I failed to recognize one, formulated my question to her
> as to what she was going to do to fix her schedule. Right as
> I got clear enough on my question to put it to her, she answered
> it.
> So, I am offering that maybe a clear idea of what it is you
> want from the woman during the silence is useful. It might
> put something behind the smile you give her as you keep eye
> contact.
I have noticed that this is really important as well. When I was working on
my flowchart, I thought to myself, "Won't this direct eye contact be kind of
intimidating?" After a little conceptual tinkering, I realized that one can
gaze invitingly--not just at anyone in particular, but at the whole world. I
now use my eyes to ask the world, "OK, I'm ready for the best you have to
offer. I'm ready to listen to the best part of you." And when I talked with
Arna (see previous post), I was thinking to myself a similar thing to what
Magic Juan was: "How is what she is talking about showing what's real about
her?" It took awhile, but a silver lining eventually emerged.
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Chris:
You asked for comments about the guys unsubscribing. I guess he just has the
wrong attitude. I don't understand why someone who reads your emails would
NOT want to read about other's successes. Isn't that the point of it? For
those of us who aren't that skilled, reading success stories should be an
inspiration, to know what can be done. (I'd certainly rather read stuff like
that than, say, a bunch of guys whining about not meeting any women. I can
hear enough of that in real life!) It certainly can't be harmful to read
those stories.
I think it's like being out of shape, going into a gym, noticing the guys
that are really built, & wanting to look like them. You can either look at
them as inspiration, or you can make yourself feel bad that you don't look
like that. You also have to realize most of them did a lot of work to get
where they are, & that fact I think is what the guys who are unsubscribing
don't see.
Another fairly obvious point is that if someone can't handle reading about
other's success, how is he going to get the guts to try to do approaches?
Long before I ever read your stuff, I realized there were guys out there who
were great PUA's. Most of us have known some personally.
So I wouldn't make any changes to your emails based on those cancellations.
What I'd find interesting are more stories of guys who turned themselves
around, went from AFC to PUA, in other words. When we read about the success
stories, we usually don't know how much experience the guy has.
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Tristan:
>Ham Burgler:
> Who are some "cocky and funny" guys (characters in movies, TV shows, etc.)
> to model? I've been interested in this idea and I've been on the look out
> for
> guys with this attitude since Sisonpyh's post.
By far one the best to emulate is Dave Letterman. The has a way of talking
to
his guests that shows that no matter how important THEY think they are, it
makes no difference to him. He treats them like they are no hot shit! He is
funny as hell. His style is known as "false sincerity." He definitely has
the
"cocky" and ballbusting attitude down so good, that Oprah hates his guts!
(He made fun of her name at the Academy Awards some years ago and she never
forgave him.) One more reason why he's my personal hero...
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Adam:
>Besides castration, I'm open to ideas. No, I'm demanding for my own mental
>health, that someone help me to overcome this giant obstacle in my life.
I'm
>willing to do all the work, but I'm dying for someone to give me the
>instructions!!!
I had the same problem. Here is what I've noticed and what I used to get
over it:
I'd like to bet money that you live/work in an environment where you have
very little contact with Hotties, right? A lot of the anxiety you're
feeling is that they are perceived as SCARCE. They are something "SPECIAL"
because they are rare and you do not see them often.
Here's what you should do: Make it a mission to go out and FIND places
where EVERY OTHER CHICK is a hottie. Parties, bars, the beach. Anywhere
that things/activities are happening and you can interact with them in some
capacity. When everyone around you is a hottie you start to realize:
"Hey, everyone is like this... There's nothing so SPECIAL about you!" And
thus the spell is broken.
When every CHICK around you is a HOTTIE, your subsconscious starts to tell
you that "Women who look like this are average. They are the norm" and
hence you don't need to feel anxiety around them because they're no longer
anything special.
My Comment: I don't know where you live, but "hotties" are scarce on a
regular basis where I am (and, as the guys who were here in May for Major
Mark's seminar can attest, Montreal has more than its fair share of
hotties). There are times when you can go to some of the places you mention
and there will be a lot of them out, but as a general rule the ones I put in
that category are not in any one place continuously.
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Joseph:
>My Comment: This actually brings up a topic that may or may not be related
>to what you said. When I was younger and less experienced, I often went up
>to women and they wouldn't give me the time of day. They'd walk away, turn
>from me, etc. well before (in my opinion) they knew enough about me to do
>anything like that. But today, I am significantly more sure of myself and
>relaxed when I meet them, and I can't even remember the last time I wasn't
>able to get into a reasonable conversation with someone I approached
>(whether or not they were available or interested to know more). I think
>the Silent Pause, and everything else, works a lot based on your own use of
>it and how you come across. A lot of the techniques you read here work in
>a
>large part because you "are the man", as they say. And when you aren't,
>they don't work (or at least, they don't work as well).
LOL That is so true. If you're not sweating and stammering and getting too
close you can say just about anything to a woman, and everyone is scared to
do it at first. I have yet to experience a woman getting flustered just
because I talk to her, and it's because I'm coming from a non-threatening
place, and I'm only going to ask for her number if she shows me that she's
perfectly comfortable and not about to end the conversation. I generally
number close because something in the environment is making the conversation
end or I, myself, am not ready to take the seduction further. If I don't
number close, it's because I sensed that the girl was not responding and not
giving me enough to work with. In that case she always lets me off easy. So
what's the big deal about walk-ups? For those who are scared I would suggest
meditation to calm thyself down before the sarge session. You might even
want to wank it a few times. Remember a state when you were totally
confident. For you Quebecians maybe it's your high school hockey game when
you slammed that winning puck? For me it's a concert I played for 10,000
people in Atlanta. When you get that confident state anchor it to your wrist
so you can squeeze the hell out of your wrist right before the walk-up.
Right before you go out you might want to wank it one more time for good
measure (j/k) and make yourself feel sexy like a girl does when she primps.
You know that's why they have those bad ass bitch shields up when they're at
the clubs - they are working themselves up into a state through thought
conditioning and incidental anchors.
My Comment: "Quebecians"? I think the term is "Quebecers", but no one I
know really uses it...
Joseph continues:
>I've come across women who
>I chat with for a few minutes and then try to close to get
>numbers...and then they say they have a boyfriend. Now they
>didn't bring it up before that and sometimes I'm not too
>sure they do have a boyfriend in the first place or
>just giving bullshit tests to see if I would accept
>that as a reason leave. Would it be better to just
>proceed onto the b/f destroyer anyway and not worry
>about if she does or doesn't have one?
I almost never get the boyfriend excuse even when they do have a boyfriend.
I suspect you are not gaining rapport before asking for the number. I just
went to an Essential Skills Seminar which really helped me on this, so I
suggest www.essential-skills.com.
I suggest being amused when they pull the borefriend deal. You didn't ask
for his number, after all. And anyway, you never should be asking for
anything - give her the opportunity to give you the number.
>One thought that I have (that I got as I was writing this), is it might be
>possible to intermittently lean real close to your girl and say something
>in
>her ear -- a display like that might let people know that you are sexual
>with her, without giving her the great satisfaction (and decreased interest
>level) of holding her hand.
Yes, this is a worthy technique to show her she's special without giving her
too much attention, but you seem to suggest using it for a different reason
which I don't agree that you should desire...
(snip)
>So obviously, the point is this: When you're with a chick, if you can
>communicate through your body language» that you are with this chick
>sexually, then just IN DOING THIS YOU WILL DETER A LOT OF CHALLENGES FROM
>OTHER GUYS. But if you fail to communicate that you're with her, my feeling
>is that over the long haul, you're going to get challenged a lot.
>
>But yet, and this is the point, how do you communicate that you're with
>your
>girl sexually, through body language», without giving your chick the
>constant
>kind of intimacy that will eventually lower a chick's interest level in
>you?
>
>Smart people (or real lady killers), it'd be nice to hear from you on this
>score.
OK, first off you're wondering way too much about this. It shows it's
importance level to you. If you're doing your job as "the man", then unless
you come in contact with a ninja seducer or she's an unquenchable nympho,
you don't have anything to fear. And, if one of those two are the case, a
public display of affection won't save you anyway. So do your job and don't
worry about how other people perceive the relationship. If someone steals
her from you, then he deserved to.
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Mark:
This week I sent the following e-mail to this one girl that I have been out
with 5 times in the past 4 months. She claims to be single but always seems
to have her weekend booked weeks in advance which leads me to believe she is
not single or has several men on the go about which I really do not care. A
few times I asked her out on a Monday for the following weekend and she
always claimed to have plans. It has been about 2 months since I have seen
her and I decided to be a little bold and say:
"How about a movie this Friday. It's been a while. It would be good to catch
up.
I do not want to hear any nonsense about you having plans already. If you do
cancel them and make time for your old friend. Tell all your boyfriends they
can
have you on Saturday and Sunday. All my women can wait as well.
How about it Cat lover?"
She called me back and said that she does have plans to play pool but she
will
cancel them and go out with me instead. She said she could not believe the
message
but liked my attitude and agreed to go out. There is nothing like a little
fearlessness.
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Tom:
We come from a culture where people will habitually say no or give some lame
ass excuse that they can't buy it today, sorry, I have a boyfriend, etc. I
find that most of them do not have boyfriends. How do I know this, you ask?
Well, I'm definitely a student of the school of Steve Piccus. I live in San
Diego and am friends with him as well as get alot of coaching from him. My
style is definitely straight forward when it comes to approaching women.
Usually a very nice thunderbolt and smile and say hi!
then usually do a small "rose induction" or simply give them an honest
compliment and whatever happens from there who knows. Now here's
something I found to be very effective. YOU offer them your email address;
frame
it with: "I know this is a little unusual meeting like this, so here's my
card in case...you decide that you would like to get together sometime...
just send me a short email and I'll call you back, etc." Guys, have you ever
seen a beautiful woman wished you would have talked to her and she walks
right out the door never to be seen again and you end up saying Shit! I wish
I would have said something, anything? Well, guys, ladies do something
virtually identical. They get a little embarrassed, flustered, whatever.
Think you're nice (especially if you can throw thunderbolts -- do quickie
trance inductions and genuinely act like a very happy, balanced, fun "take
care of business" kind of guy (remember this is about them feeling excited
and comfortable
to be around you). I GET VERY GOOD RESULTS WITH THIS! Surprisingly good
results. (Just got one today from a SMOKIN' hot lady who is also very, very
cool.) You set 'em up, make 'em feel real good, but take into account that
people
will naturally flake more often than not. So, you just frame it as a
natural
reaction and give them a way to get in contact with you (once they come to
their senses). Believe me, walking up thunderbolting rose induction,
handwriting analysis, etc, will definitely create an experience she will
think about afterward, and she also will be thinking "Man, I wish I would
have at least let the guy take me out for coffee, etc." and more than likely
you'll get some kind of a
response back. It sometimes takes a little while to get a response, but
this
is from one who supposedly got away or wasn't interested, etc. during the
walk
up phase so any responses you get will be a bonus, anyway.
Also this is a very quick way to introduce yourself and make an
impression -- a
very good one! And move on (sometimes I don't even offer to take them out
just give them the rose or the card and say bye. Beyond a good operating
system, you must have customers. I am in the process of making a shitload
more
cards and by next week will be introducing myself to at least 20 a day --
it's
all in the numbers. Remember to make an impression (a viscerally powerful,
positive one and leave a "loop"open for her to use and watch the imaginary
boyfriends (and some of the real ones) disappear.
Also feeling incredibly powerful, happy, and congruent magnetizes people
to you. The frame you start with is the frame you get.
Checking my email has never been more fun!
P.S besides numbers and operating systems the most important thing
to good business is a....QUALITY PRODUCT! (Hats off to Steve and Mark for
their help in this department.) You never have to lie or make up any kind
of
bullshit if you have an exceptionally valuable and unique product. I look
at this simply as a sales consultation when I'm with a woman. I'm also
evaluating her as well. QUALIFY your buyers as well.
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Mi.Me.:
Here is one female answer re:
"Because the more the guy holds her hand, THE MORE THE GIRL
THINKS HE IS INTO HER.
And the more the girl thinks he's into her, the less of a
challenge he is.
It's the same principle that says a guy would be dumb to bring a
rose on the third date or tell a girl how beautiful she is.
Because once a chick knows that a guy is really into her, her
interest level goes down because he's not a challenge, I really
believe this."
- NO!!! It is just one way of ... It can be holding
each other's little finger, or holding each other by the side
(much more sensual). Or even not touching... and it can be very
charged. Or some touching, here and there...
But holding hands is much more related to the timing in the relationship;
at an early stage in the relationship it can have more meaning. Later, it
can be assimilated to a habit, then it is time for change.
The thing about domination is not so much in using the culturally
stereotyped gestures you mentioned (OUR culture, but not the one
I was born in :: ) (it's nice to have more than one culture ::)) to
refer to) - e.g. how do you like this one??) but :
Why is there such a strong need of domination? Should it not
be...being accomplices??? Then it is much more subtle...
in expressing, focusing on a certain awareness.
Use the eyes.
Wrap her with your energy. (She certainly will do the same with
you... )
Hardly touch her, but be connected.
Pace your way of walking: two people walking at the same pace
and merging into the same...realm (?) are creating borders
separating them from the rest of the world. The territory is
unlimited. I think this is enough.
I perceive a man behaving this way with me (arm over neck,
holding hands) as more than dominant when it is not the right
time for me or in the relationship (short or long term): it is an
intrusion. It has to do with my need of having privacy, a private
life and of preferring secret agreements.... What do you say about
this?
On the other hand, to come back to more classical behavior :
opening doors and walking on the street side while on the side
walks are real treats... It starts there. I always say thank
you, because it is a pleasure to be treated this way. Most of the
times, I am surprised when it happens...
Hmmmmm....
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NightLight9:
First I want to say that this message struck me as overthinking, but I can
relate to that a little. I think that PDA's are specific to each girl and
situation.
> D.S.:
[snip list of WPDA's]
You left out my favorite which is to walk beside her with my hand on her
back. I find holding hands to be annoying and inconvenient. Sometimes I do
it at the movies.
> Anyways, the point of me bringing this up is that I've noticed a dilemma
> that guys face with regard to wpda's.
>
> And the dilemma is this: I think that a guy if he is with his girlfriend
(or
> a chick he's banging) in public and walking with her, he must communicate
> that he is with her sexually, so he must use a wpda.
I know you explain this more later, but this just makes me scream. "Why?"
I just don't get it. I don't get guys trying to pick up chicks I'm with,
and if they do, I just alpha male» them away...
> And most guys
> recognize this and hold their girls' hands -- kind of to say to other
guys,
> "She's mine." BUT YET IN DOING THE WPDA, the guy is also giving a lot of
> intimacy to the girl, and he's conveying, in the girl's mind, a lot of
> FEELING FOR HER. And this is a bad thing for the girl's interest level and
> for the guy's attempt to maintain challenge in the relationship. Because
> the more the guy holds her hand, THE MORE THE GIRL THINKS HE IS INTO HER.
I don't have this problem. Are a lot of the girls you're hanging with not
girls you've boned yet? That could be a difference, but I also get the
feeling that you are insecure about the whole thing. I'm just not that into
PDA's and it doesn't hurt me. The real and obvious goal should be to get
her
to be jumping on you, making you the obvious object of her desire. Great
social proof. Wards of wood-be suitors. Very dominant.
Also, if you are hanging all over a girl, that will indicate you are in too
deep, but just holding hands occasionally, this will not create that (false)
sense of security, it just feels nice, which will make her want you more.
Particularly if you use the never give a straight answer thing. These
contradictory communications are great.
> So the point is, how can you satisfy your need in telling others that
you're
> with this girl sexually, without giving her so much intimacy as holding
> hands?
Seriously, one of the key PDA's I use (if you know me you know I am far from
a Neanderthal...) is a good slap to the ass. Not when anyone is looking,
but
when people are around. The girl will almost jump and turn around and act
all angry. I'll just blow it off. Women love to get angry at you,
especially over shit like this.
> One thought that I have (that I got as I was writing this), is it might be
> possible to intermittently lean real close to your girl and say something
in
> her ear -- a display like that might let people know that you are sexual
> with her, without giving her the great satisfaction (and decreased
interest
> level) of holding her hand.
Lean in and also put your hand on her waist. That's more personal than any
other move.
> Because consider this. When you see a very hot woman in public with a guy,
> you always know whether they are sexual with each other or not, right?
> Because almost always (at least in my experience), the guy will be holding
> the chick's hand, or even more of a dominant male, he might have his arm
> around her. Because if I saw a very hot chick with a guy, my first thought
> would be to wonder whether they are together sexually.
You probably would be mistaken with me, as I let her run without a leash. I
think most times a guy with a girl is assumed to be sexually involved until
proven
otherwise. I think that people almost universally over assume a
relationship when they see two people together.
[snip]
> dj eclypz:
[snip a bunch of stuff on learning to not see a 10 as different from a 5 or
6]
Fuck that. If you don't FEEL a difference between a 5 and 10, just stick
with 5's. What's the point? Even if you get great at getting them, you
will find them boring. For me, the challenge is half the fun (leaving a
quarter for good companionship/mothering and another quarter for sex).
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Brother Marcus Surrealius:
A response for D.S., concerning holding hands and such.
> D.S.:
> I'd like to raise the issue of public displays of affection (pda's). Or
more
> specifically, pda's while walking (wpda). What I mean by this is the
> showing to others while you are walking with your girl that you and she
are
> on a sexual basis.
>
> And the dilemma is this: I think that a guy if he is with his girlfriend
(or
> a chick he's banging) in public and walking with her, he must communicate
> that he is with her sexually, so he must use a wpda. And most guys
> recognize this and hold their girls' hands -- kind of to say to other
guys,
> "She's mine." BUT YET IN DOING THE WPDA, the guy is also giving a lot of
> intimacy to the girl, and he's conveying, in the girl's mind, a lot of
> FEELING FOR HER. And this is a bad thing for the girl's interest level and
> for the guy's attempt to maintain challenge in the relationship. Because
> the more the guy holds her hand, THE MORE THE GIRL THINKS HE IS INTO HER.
> And the more the girl thinks he's into her, the less of a challenge he is.
> It's the same principle that says a guy would be dumb to bring a rose on
the
> third date or tell a girl how beautiful she is. Because once a chick knows
> that a guy is really into her, her interest level goes down because he's
not
> a challenge, I really believe this.
>
> So the point is, how can you satisfy your need in telling others that
you're
> with this girl sexually, without giving her so much intimacy as holding
> hands?
>
> So obviously, the point is this: When you're with a chick, if you can
> communicate through your body language» that you are with this chick
> sexually, then just IN DOING THIS YOU WILL DETER A LOT OF CHALLENGES FROM
> OTHER GUYS. But if you fail to communicate that you're with her, my
feeling
> is that over the long haul, you're going to get challenged a lot.
>
> But yet, and this is the point, how do you communicate that you're with
your
> girl sexually, through body language», without giving your chick the
constant
> kind of intimacy that will eventually lower a chick's interest level in
you?
I can tell this is rather important to you. What I am unclear on is how it
is supposed to benefit you to show others that you have made a sexual
conquest. You know it, she knows it, the American people do not need to know
it. Why? Because it isn't their decision.
I've had many, many men (and some women) put the make on my primary GF in my
presence. I have never felt threatened by any of them. Any tension I feel
when that happens is only a concern for how she is feeling about it --
usually
uncomfortable. Her lack of comfort transfers to me because we are in
rapport.
Again, I'm just really not sure why it matters to you what others think, or
even what she thinks. I would venture to say that it isn't how much PDA you
have with her, it's the attitude with which you approach it that comes
across to her. If you have the feeling that you have to do a tightly
regimented schedule of PDA in order to scare off Vandals and Visigoths
coming to take her away, I imagine it may even cause more of them to appear.
I noticed a sharp reduction in the number of them once I accepted that they
would happen. I accepted it because I realized that any interaction between
another man and her is only about them. It really doesn't MATTER what I
think. Their interaction does not reflect on me in the least. And a lot of
the time, he's just paying her a compliment, after which he'll turn to me
and say how lucky I am. If he's upbeat and friendly about it, I even enjoy
it. Getting frightened about it would only encourage him if he knows what
he's doing.
Far better to enjoy her the way you want to. She's a big girl and can make
her own decisions. If she decides to run off with somebody else because she
can't handle someone who's real, then you should thank her for freeing up
your time for someone who can.
Let's go ahead and posit a guy who actually has the skills to take her away.
He wouldn't care HOW much you were fondling her butt in public. You can't be
there all the time, and she would be even LESS interested in you if you
were. Seems to me this whole issue dissolves once you let it go. It just
can't affect you once you start having fun with anything that comes your
way. I should hope you would find a woman who enjoys being enjoyed, anyway.
I thought that was the whole point of sex and intimacy. If you frame things
right, every time you touch her only serves to intensify the bonds between
you.
To sum up, I don't have a need to tell others I'm with her and she is with
me. It only matters whether SHE knows it.
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