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Approach Vectors
by Jay Valens
of The Art of the Pickup
September 6th, 2007
Today I’m going to help you with mechanics.
We’re not going to learn about car engines or how clocks work, but we are going to break down all the various ways men can initially approach women and how to best choose the right method for you based on the circumstances.
I’ve been at this stuff a long time and I regularly see arguments about what the “best way” to approach is, as if there is one best way for every guy, every girl, and every situation.
There is no best way, there are numerous differences between guys, girls, and the situations, and all these differences will require different kinds of approaches, which we can call “approach vectors”.
Here are a variety of scenarios which dictate what kind of approach you can initiate: from behind, from the side, at an angle, walking towards her, on the street, in a store, in a café, in a bar, in a club, at a party, with initial eye contact, without initial eye contact, with a touch, without a touch, when she is with a group, or by herself, during the day, at night, having a mutual friend or acquaintance, being introduced, she doesn’t know you, how she is dressed, how you are dressed, you are with someone, you are alone. I could go on forever.
There are just simply too many variables to be able to use only one way of approaching. Here are some examples of the most common scenarios:
* During the day, if you see a girl by herself, pay attention to whether she appears to be in a rush or more relaxed and open.
If she’s in a rush of some kind or you’re forced to have to sustain a fast pace just to catch up to her then it’s best to follow from a distance until she’s stopped somewhere like at an intersection or to look at something and open her by commenting on something interesting in the environment and, if she reacts, introduce yourself immediately. This kind of approach is not going to be high turnover but at least this is a way to work a scenario that a lot of guys are too hesitant to even try. If you find this still doesn’t work for you even some of the time, you can try one other variation where you ask the girl something about herself when you open, something that causes her to stand out against other people, something she might be wearing, her vibe, features, or perhaps a unique item she’s holding.
DO NOT make it apparent that you had observed red her or chased after her at all prior to opening her. You must situation yourself as if you just happened to walk up to where she walked up to.
If she’s not in a rush and in a mode where she seems to even be “absorbing” her environment or appear to have specific plans or a specific place to go, simply bring yourself somewhat close to her but not so close that you’re right in front of her, just close enough for your presence to be detected. Most of the time she will gaze in your direction, which leads to eye contact. Hold the eye contact briefly, smile, and then move towards her closer and open her with whatever you are most confident with, which could be direct, indirect, funny, observational, or just plain asking her a question. You will gradually find what works best for you.
NEVER open a girl by coming up to her from behind and tapping her on her shoulder. Very few guys can make this work, and the reason is because she really doesn’t know how long you’ve been observing her before getting her attention this way. I till make her feel uneasy and that is not a feeling that works well with pickup. Also, by pursuing in this way you are already telling her that you went well out of your way to initiate contact with her, and sets your value lower by setting hers higher, from the get-go.
* If during the day, you see a girl with a friend, and want to approach her, they will generally not be in an apparent rush but MAY have plans or be distracted in some way. Also, you must be prepared for the possibility that her friend may get in your way.
The most reliable way to approach this kind of situation is to open indirectly. Typically this can be asking them for an opinion on something and continuing on from there. The trick with this approach is to get them both engaged and not project your interest in one specific girl too quickly up front. You want them to accept you presence to get things rolling.
* If you’re running errands during the day which are likely to find yourself in lines for, like at the bank, or buying groceries, try to situate yourself in line just AHEAD of girls you might be interested in.
The reason to get in line ahead of her is it puts the control of the interaction in your hands, because nothing keeps you from turning around to talk to someone behind you (her) or, if you get out of line before you get the chance to open her you are able to stall long enough to catch her getting out of line, too. If she was in front of you, you can’t control easily whether she will turn back to talk to you and you can’t control how long it will take you to get out of line after she does.
* If you are somewhere like a temporary “shared environment” among multiple people, such as a class, a laundromat, or group activity, the basis is that you have something basic in common and the best way to initiate contact in those scenarios is to comment on that commonality. Don’t linger too long on the commonality, that’s boring, but ultimately opening this way will not generally be responded to with hesitation or resistance.
* If you’re in an environment where the girl you’re interested in knows somebody that you know, get that person you have in common to introduce you to the girl. There’s no better way to meet a girl than to be introduced by someone she already likes and trusts on some level.
* If you’re in a bar or club, people tend to be there in pre-established groups, and approaching takes a lot more experience and finesse. Most commonly you will want to approach the group as a whole first, not the girl directly. The types of things you open with and talk about are generally going to be indirect but you must also be interesting or engaging or you’ll lose interest too fast and not capture the attention properly of the girl you’re interested in.
If you’ve gotten good eye contact from her initially and she appears to not be overly protected by her friends, you CAN open a girl directly in a bar or club environment, but you must also sustain a consistent level of confidence and congruence and this will only come with practice.
That’s a lot to take in, I know, but review this a few times to be prepared for your next approach opportunities.
Jay Valens
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