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Learn From A Natural Ladies Man
by Ray Devans
of The Art of the Pickup
July 9th, 2007
If you’ve read enough of my newsletters, you might assume that I was born with some natural ability to understand women. You might even think I was one of those guys who just naturally got all the girls in high school and college as if by some unseen magnetic force.
Unfortunately for me, most of high school I had more of a natural, unseen repellent force for girls. I was a grade A geek, down to being captain of the chess team. We had exactly one groupie, and she was pretty scary...
So high school basically sucked for me and I often marveled at the guys who just seemed to naturally attract women. Today I will you about one such guy, and what you and I can learn from him.
Part of my journey to getting better with women involved watching one of my good friends interact with women, I will call him John. This guy was tall, and muscular, and maybe even a bit handsome, so that was something not all of us can copy.
However, it was more than this that made John irresistible to women. I really have to say it was his attitude toward life, and that can be copied.
The first thing about John is that he really never cared what other people thought about him. He just lived life the way he wanted, under his own terms, always seeming in control of his own destiny. He would say things to women that to this day I probably couldn’t mimic, and not care.
One story I like to tell about John was when we were in a bar in Tokyo. There was a hot bartender from Australia working and John just stared at her until she came over. She asked us what we want to drink, and he said something like:
“Nothing, I’m just looking at your body.”
I was actually a bit mortified by this at the time; I was expecting some feminine backlash to ensue. Instead she smiled and laughed. They made some small talk and later he tells her point blank, “I really like your ass”.
I am expecting at this point that she was going to have the doormen throw us out, but instead she seemed to like it. John wasn’t even drunk, he was just telling her how he really felt.
She went away but when she came back John upped the ante with another brazen complement of her breasts. The bartender then told him “I have to be honest with you, I have a boyfriend, but if I didn’t I would let you take me home tonight.”
Now I am not suggesting repeating what John did, but rather trying to show how it’s possible that when you combine genuine sentiment with a lack of care what others think, some crazy things can happen.
This wasn’t the only way that John would show he didn’t care what others thought. When we would go out to restaurants, he would make these really loud noises of appreciation for how good the food was and these exaggerated pointing movements to the food, all to the point where people at other tables would look over at us. But the fact was, he was that passionate about good food, and just didn’t care what they thought. And somehow I always enjoyed my food a bit more when hanging out with John and watching him do this, so I also never cared what other people thought.
John was the same way on the dance floor. When I would go to a club with him, it didn’t matter if there was nobody on the dance floor, he loved to dance and would go out alone to dance on the dance floor and would always inevitably magically draw others out onto the dance floor like a process of dancing osmosis.
The tough part for me was that he would always somehow manage to talk me into going out and dancing with him, just us two guys. It seemed gay as hell to me the first time, but I stopped caring after I saw how we would soon be surrounded by the hottest women in the club and wind up dancing with them.
Always one for results like that, I was happy after that to join him on the dance floor, but always found that I was also having fun just for the sake of dancing just like he was. Again, his genuine enthusiasm was a state that rubbed off on everyone around him. We used to call the effect “John crack” because it was like being on a happy drug being around him.
When John got into a serious relationship, it was definitely not the girl who controlled him. His straightforward manner extended to him telling her matter-of-factly all the areas he felt she could improve herself in and told her that their relationship’s future depended on her doing those exact things.
This was another area where I initially couldn’t relate and actually felt sorry for the girl. But she definitely rose up to the challenge and really improved her own life in the process. And that was usually the result of John not being afraid to ask for what he wanted, only good would come of it.
I could go on and on about John, but to sum it up he didn’t care what others thought and was passionate in everything he did. If you can just manage to copy these two traits just a little bit your success with women will greatly increase.
Now if you think about it now, do you know any guys like John who are naturally good with women? If so, hang out with them more and try to understand what it is about them that makes them so good with women.
In the meantime, if you want to get a fast track to learn the secrets of guys like John, we put it all and much more into our “Art of the Pickup»” DVDs. Be sure to have a closer look at them if you haven’t yet.
Wishing you the success of the naturals,
Ray Devans
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