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Let’s Play The Frame Game
by Jay Valens
of The Art of the Pickup
June 10th, 2007
One thing I realized we don’t do enough of in the newsletters is give you specific assignments. Sometimes it might be easier to understand a concept, idea, or method we share with you by going out and following a specific assignment.
Now, just so you know, I don’t really want 15,000 emails next week of people telling me about their progress on the assignment, LOL. I would prefer you go through it and experience what happens and appreciate it for what it is – an opportunity for you to practice a specific productive thing and add it to your repertoire of skills.
You are doing this for yourself, not me, and anything you might do like follow advice from these newsletters or our DVDs is not for me but for you so it’s up to you to take the action of obtaining the knowledge you need in order to have the skills for success.
Alright, so today I want you to start playing a game. The game is called “The Frame Game” and it involves one very simple concept. The concept may be simple but putting it into action might take some effort. That’s OK, because once you get used to it you will find yourself doing it without thinking.
The Frame Game is taking a thought inside your head, or comment or request or question from others that is NOT productive or positive for you and re-“framing” it in a different way that IS productive or positive for you.
If you think about any thought or statement or question as being inside of a picture frame, and that frame defines the intent of those things, then re-framing is taking the same exact thing and just putting a better frame around it.
I will give you some examples:
- “I’m not very good at being stylish.”
- Re-frame: “Being stylish is something I can learn and it might actually be fun to do.”
- Someone to you: “You drive a crappy car.”
- You: “It gets me from point A to B and costs me less than yours.”
- Someone to you: “Why do bowl so poorly sometimes?”
- You: “To achieve success takes some failures, and I am willing to fail in order to succeed.”
So The Frame Game is taking such things and, rather than accepting them as they are or stated, modifying them to be more positive or productive for yourself.
The Frame Game can also be practiced regularly with your friends. Each of you can throw out some challenging statements or questions, and you challenge each other to respond with a productive and positive spin.
It’s an awesome tool to have because women challenge men all the time by putting them on the spot to see how they’ll react, or if they even CAN react without breaking down and accepting that they’ve failed the challenged. Even the mere act of not accepting someone else’s negative frame of you, or you of yourself, is a positive thing.
To recap:
Me: “You’re a beginner at the frame game.”
You: “But the cool thing is after I practice it, I will be awesome at it.”
Jay Valens
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