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Ping Her like a Professional
by Ray Devans
of The Art of the Pickup
July 14th, 2006
In past issues of the “Pickup Arts” Newsletter you may have read about the concept of “speed bumps” that you have to deal with from women. These are just any obstacles she throws at you that you have to deal with to move forward with her. One of these speed bumps is when she doesn’t return your calls or emails.
Today we will discuss how to deal specifically with her not communicating with you using strong concepts of value and utilizing modern technology to make your life easier.
First, let’s talk about what the average guy does when his calls are not returned and his emails go unanswered:
He calls and emails more, and mentions in those calls or emails that the woman has not kept in contact. He probably ends it all with “would really love to hear from you!” As if she doesn’t know all that already! Pointing out the obvious only communicates to her that it matters to you and that you are needy.
Now we know that looking needy is not good so the answer is not to just try harder to get in touch with her. But what can you do if you cant even get in touch with her? Sounds like an impossible problem.
One common approach among guys who are good with women is simply to “next” her. That is to say, just erase her contact information from your phone and address book, and move on with your life and go meet new women!
This is good from the perspective from keeping you away from being needy and wasting your time. After all, if you spend lots of time sending long mails and thinking of cool messages to leave on her machine, that is time you could be spending chasing other women who actually do answer.
A final element that men seem to like about the “next” strategy is that it saves them their pride.
I used to be a big proponent of the “next” strategy too, but I am a persistent pragmatist so I gradually developed a better tactic. I call it “pinging”.
Just what is a “ping”? One dictionary had three definitions for ping as follows:
1) A protocol that sends a message to another computer and waits for acknowledgment, often used to check if another computer on a network is reachable.
2) A sharp, high-pitched sound, as that made by a bullet striking metal.
3) A river, about 563 km (350 mi) long, of western Thailand. It is a major tributary of the Chao Phraya.
OK then. The two important ones here are 1 and 2 (if you can think of how to use definition 3 to get women to call you back, then I will award you the Nobel Prize for Pickup this year).
If there are any former/current computer geeks like me reading this, doubtless you will know that a ping between computers doesn’t take very long, like on the order of less than a second, usually measured in fact in thousandths of a second. And if you ever watched any submarine movies like “The Hunt for Red October”, you know that a ping is a short sonar sent out to see if there is another submarine around (if one is, the sonar is reflected back).
The point is they don’t take much time or effort.
So how does this submarine and computer technology help me, you are asking?
Well, here is the deal…
When you aren’t getting a response from a woman, you really can’t be sure why. The simplest explanation is that you didn’t attract her enough at first, and she just isn’t interested. Or on the flip side, maybe you attracted her too fast, like you made out one minute after meeting her on the dance floor, and now she feels like a slut and doesn’t want to talk to the source of that feeling. (As you get better, you will be sure to find the middle ground of this attraction process.)
However, there are 1000 other possible reasons.
I used to live in Tokyo, and I realized that after a woman and I have said goodbye and she leaves, she is exposed to tons of other competing stimuli.
All kinds of distractions like flashing neon lights, other guys trying to pick her up, guys calling her who already have her number, her bills and work, her friends and family, TV shows, etc. Maybe even her current boyfriend she didn’t tell you about, you simply don’t know.
The same types of distractions happen to women in just about any metropolis in the US.
Trying to overpower all this if she isn’t replying to you by making many calls or sending many emails is not an option because it makes you look needy AND wastes your time. And throwing the number or email away entirely is like admitting defeat, so what I started doing is “pinging” these girls. That is, I send a short message to see if she would be reachable now.
Like a computer or submarine ping, I hit her with a brief email. Or I would send her a short SMS on her phone. The point is to keep it short and see if she replies back (“pings” me back).
If she didn’t answer my first 2 or 3 contact attempts, I put her at the bottom of my priority list for contact (I actually keep a file that prioritizes which women I should contact next), and would contact her only 2 weeks later with another very short ping message.
This ping would be short and basically just mentions something cool that happened to me recently or that I did, and asked her what was up in her world.
There would never be any hint of me caring if she got that message or any other message I had ever sent.
There would also not ever be any request for her to write me back.
If that follow-up ping didn’t work, I lower the ping frequency down to 1 month. And then maybe once every 2 months, then half a year etc.
You may think this would be fruitless or a waste of time but a funny thing tends to happen. Actually very a nice thing could happen, so let me share one of my experiences with this…
I got a reply from one of those pings about half a year later, from a girl who I’d only talked to for a few minutes one night, and never spoke to again except for those pings, and she wanted to meet me for dinner. We met at a restaurant I chose, one conveniently right under my apartment. I took her straight home and had sex with her all night, even though that was only the second time I had ever met her in person.
Total effort expended on the cumulative pings was less than half an hour, but the payoff was great!
I asked her later what she had been up to all those months in between us meeting again. She said she was just busy and also confused because she had broken up with her ex-boyfriend around the time we had met.
With a little prodding I got her to also admit that she had gone without sex for all that time, and actually hoped that we were going to have sex that night!…
…yet common advice would have had me throw away her number. I remember thinking to myself while she was in my bed “I am sooooo glad I kept her contact info.”
So that is yet another benefit of pinging, you can also get lucky and time things “just right”! After all, she was attracted enough to you at one time to give you her contact information, she can be attracted to you again.
I kept up this pinging with other women after that and it worked well, I converted a number of hopeless cases, some of them who were incredibly attractive women.
Yes, some others still never answered, but the ones that did made the minimal effort well worth the net effort.
So that you don’t get things wrong, here is an example ping.
“Hey Sarah, what is going on with you these days? Things are great here, just got back from a summer vacation to Vegas. I would tell you what happened there, but you know the saying… Have you ever been to Vegas?”
The fact that its short says I am not needy and also that I am not devoting much time to her. She has to wonder why I don’t write her a long love letter like half the other guys she meets. And she sees that things are fun in my life, she is intrigued. Finally, I end it with a question, which might lure her to reply.
So that you can create your own pings correctly, here are the rules for do’s and don’ts:
Do:
1) Keep it short, not more than 3 or 4 sentences max.
2) Ask how she is doing or how she has been.
3) Mention something (believable) that signals things are great for you.
4) End it with a question.
5) Occasionally add some special bit of information about her that would surprise her that you still remember.
Don’t:
1) Mention how you haven’t heard from her in a long time or bring up that she doesn’t respond.
2) Don’t invite her to do something, you want to keep her intrigued and rebuild your image as a challenge.
3) Don’t compliment her; don’t profess your love for her, etc.
4) Generally, don’t call her as a ping. Email or SMS is best.
Before closing this issue, I will elaborate a bit on “Do” item number 5, and “Don’t” item number 4.
After my first meeting with the girl who was my first converted ping, I wrote everything I could remember about her and what she told me down for future reference. This is just a personal habit, I like to do this because it also helps me learn more about women in general and how they think.
In the ping that finally got her to meet me, I mentioned something that really surprised her that I would “remember” (and in fact I had totally forgotten until I re-read her file). That somehow made her want to meet me more, she told me later.
As for why a ping is generally not a phone call where you leave a short message, the reason is that your voice can betray the fact you want her to call or contact you, and it “seems” like it takes more effort from her vantage point.
OK, that concludes this edition of “Pickup Arts” Newsletter. You now have some guidelines for how to ping a woman. The takeaway is: don’t throw away contact information for women that don’t answer, ping them instead!
To get a deeper understanding of how to communicate with a woman in general and especially after you have gotten her contact information, including what to say, when to call, and what to write in emails, stop by “The Art of the Pickup»” web site.
Your ping-tastic guide,
Ray Devans
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