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Why Dating Many Women Can Be Better
by Ray Devans
of The Art of the Pickup
October 16th, 2006
Today we are going to crack another misconception that many men have about dating women, the idea that you have to focus all your efforts on “that one special woman”.
This is an interesting problem since many of the clichés in our modern life tend to advise us against this kind of thinking in general but, when it comes to women, so many men simply ignore it. Here are some of these types of clichés:
“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”
Translation when applied to women and dating: “Don’t put all your effort into just one woman.”
Or another:
“Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched.”
Translation when applied to women and dating:
“Don’t assume your effort with one particular chick will pay off (so put some effort into other chicks just in case).”
Hmm, those were a lot of poultry related examples; let’s look instead at something from the financial world.
“Diversify your portfolio”.
Any of you who have ever invested in stocks are probably familiar with this one. Instead of buying just one or two stocks, you should have multiple stocks in multiple industries. That way if just one stock goes bad or even a few different stocks that you have in just one industry then you aren’t wiped out.
Translation when applied to women and dating:
“Date more than one woman at a time!”
If we sat here long enough we could come up with a number of other analogies, but you get the point.
So why is it that a lot of guys try to date just one girl when so much common sense would tell them to do otherwise?
Don’t get me wrong, once you are in a relationship with a woman and she is your girlfriend already, then that can be just fine if that is what you like. But I am talking about when a guy focuses all his energy on just one girl who isn’t his girlfriend yet in the “hope” that she will someday become his.
I have found a few main reasons for this type of thing:
- He doesn’t want to “get caught” dating other women.
- He really likes this girl so much that he doesn’t want to date other women.
- He doesn’t have confidence in his ability to get another woman
Let’s examine each case.
In the first case, the guy is giving in to social pressure to be a good guy. His real desire may be to date different women at the same time, but he knows that if any of the women he dates finds out they might get mad or offended. He is letting the possibility of other people’s negative reactions that haven’t even happened yet rule his behavior.
The fact is that some women often date a lot of different men all at once. They do their best to hide it (and it is my opinion that women are actually better at hiding such things), but it can be a double standard where they will date other guys but expect the men they date to only date them.
So given that you don’t want to get played, and the fact that you should follow your own desires, the solution is to date as many women as you want initially.
In the second case, the guy just isn’t interested in anybody else so he concentrates all his efforts on just one woman that he does like. It’s as if he has blinders on to the fact that there are other women more beautiful and talented than her. This is maybe OK if she clearly likes him in return, but if he only hopes she will like him someday then he is acting crazy. This is because usually if a woman doesn’t like you within your first meeting, she is unlikely to change her mind unless a miracle happens (like you get your copy of “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs and learn how to attract her despite a poor first impression).
The real truth is that no matter how amazing a woman may seem, there is always one better somewhere, and even if there were not it’s not worth wasting your time for too long if she will never return your affection. I have known guys who literally spend years only pursuing one woman only to get nowhere. They waste time and money for nothing.
The third case is maybe the worst; it’s when a guy latches onto the first woman that gives him even the slightest sign of attraction because he is not confident in his ability to meet other women.
All of these problems can be solved with the right mindset and knowledge. If you need help in these areas, and haven’t already done so, be sure to get yourself a copy of “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs:
So the takeaway for today is that if you find yourself only dating one woman who you aren’t even physical yet with and getting nowhere, you should not feel guilty about dating other women. You will gain lots of experience, and will have more success.
Many happy returns,
Ray Devans
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