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You Are a Catfish
by Jay Valens
of The Art of the Pickup
July 17th, 2006
This week we’re going to talk about… being a catfish.
No, this is not the plot for a new movie about a talking purple fish and his ca-r-azy lifelong search for his soul mate.
Picture for a moment picking up women is like the analogy of "fishing". I know, it may seem like a lazy analogy used by many, but I will make it even more relevant:
Old way of thinking: You may believe yourself to be the fisherman. You are selective about what fishies you want to catch and what lures you will use.
This is an old-time analogy where someone tells you, "Would you bait a fish with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Of course not. You bait the fish with what they want. You don't eat worms but fish do."
One can't argue with that but at the end of the day, other than reminding us all of something blatantly obvious that tends to be overlooked, it's not applicable as PRACTICAL advice.
Instead, YOU are the fish. This is your NEW way of thinking.
You're a prize quality catfish swimming in the largest water resource fished by the greatest fisherwomen around. You are a prize catch and that is where you've chosen to swim.
It is your destiny to be caught but you do not want to be caught by some lowly random fisherwoman. You want to end up on the cover of "Fisherwoman Monthly" as the prize of the best out there.
Does this prize catfish take any old bait? Does this prize catfish jump into any nearby boat? Even if the top fisherwoman is nearby, do you jump into her boat and while gasping for water bubble out the words "Here I am, fisherwoman!"?
No, you want to LURE the top fisherwoman to catch you... you want to bring yourself around but not take her bait so easily.
You know your destiny is to be caught but you don't want her to drop just any old worm bait. She will get bored or not appreciate the catch and throw you back in the water (after which, trying to jump back in the boat just reaffirms why she threw you back into the water in the first place).
You want her to work the hardest she possibly can to reel you in and you want to fight the catch. You want her value of the prize and make her work to win it.
You know there are undoubtedly some bigger catfish around you who will jump into her boat at any time but they are not prizes and she will toss them back because there is no SPORT in that.
She will see your value and you will taunt her with it. She will try to lure you and you will make it clear her lures need to be better, but don't make it clear to her that you're just waiting for a good lure - make her frustrated to try multiple lures as if it is her who has not yet figured out how to catch you.
And, finally, no matter the taunting or waiting for a better lure, no matter how hard you make yourself to catch, on some level she must still feel that you are OBTAINABLE, that you ARE catch-able, so she does not give up at least trying.
Just think to yourself in this analogy when looking to be caught by top fisherwomen:
* "Am I just jumping into her boat without a struggle?"
(she will throw me back)
* "Am I being a challenge to her?"
(she won't WANT the catch)
* "Will she prize my value if I don't make it a sport for her?"
(am I being enough of a challenge?)
* "Am I concerned about other fish who just jump right in her boat?"
(I know she will throw them back anyway)
* "Am I trying to show off my value rather than presume it and allow her to chase the catch?"
(am I waving a silly little blue flag to get her attention?)
* "Am I showing her how much effort nearby fisherwomen are putting in to try to catch me?"
(will she see my value as seen by others?)
* "Has she displayed the action of already throwing me back into the water?"
(I have not been enough of a challenge or have thrown myself onto her boat)
* "Am I making her feel like I MAY be obtainable?"
(do I capitalize on her own narcissism to give her the HOPE of catching me?)
During this, you do not tell her, directly, as the fish, "I am the prize catfish". It must be obvious in her interpretation of what she sees and experiences with you.
You don't stick a little blue flag in your gills to say "Here I am, fisherwoman!" but you do put yourself into places and situations where she is bound to notice you and want to catch you.
The hardest you should work initially is to ensure she has gotten to this stage - the initial desire to WANT to catch you. Because if you don't get to that point, all you are doing is swimming around her boat trying to get her attention as if you are the one who is trying to be caught.
To get a deeper understanding of how to be chased versus being the chaser, you should pick up a copy of “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs.
Your aquatic trainer,
Jay Valens
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