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How Having Money Affects Attraction
by Sebastian Drake
of theApproach
September 19th, 2006
for women". There's no doubt to anyone that men who are very
wealthy have an extra edge with women: Why is that? And how come
some of them don't capitalize on it? And how big of a deal is
having money, really, in being attracting and getting with the kind
of women you want?
Today's entry is geared towards men of all levels of wealth. We'll
look at it from every perspective, so you can know what to do to
get more success, regardless of if you're in Forbes 10 richest men
or still living with your parents. Let's roll:
Attraction can be broken down, precisely, into three elements:
Value, Attainability, and Compliance. VAC for short. The question
is: Does being more wealthy make men more attractive to women? The
answer is: yes. So the question becomes: What part of VAC does
wealth affect?
Most people would point to value. There is some truth in that.
Being more wealthy is good for value, but not for the reasons you
might think. After instructing professionally for over two years,
I'm blessed to have friends from all social strata all over the
world. Here's the crazy thing: Of the wealthiest of my friends, the
most socially successful spend NONE of it on women. Or very little.
So, could it be that women like a man who is dressed well and has a
nice place? To be sure, yes, they do. A little. But what's much,
much larger than that is that wealth communicates you're a
successful person. In the Western world, there are opportunities
for people to succeed. The fact is, if you are confident, and
intelligent, bold, and hard-working, you can become wealthy. The
opportunities are there.
And by becoming wealthy, you signify you do have those traits -
which are very valuable to women, much moreso than your watch.
Wealth does something else to value - It affects mindsets. I saw
this clearly when I was in the People's Republic of China, with my
girlfriend who is on TV over there. Treated like celebrities, and
with my currency trading 8:1 against the Chinese yuan, we were
eating at the nicest restaurants and staying at the nicest places.
If you've never lived in really, really high society for a while,
you might not know just how fawned on you are.
I'm talking high-high-high. Top 1%. I was blessed to see that world.
By being treated so well, and having people there for your every
beck and call, you learn to develop a few important things: A sense
of abundance - This translates to not worrying about any one
particular woman, because you know there's lots more. A sense of
entitlement: Never worrying if you're good enough or if you've
impressed her enough, so you don't try to "win her over", instead
you just go for it. A lack of patience - Being bold and decisive
are very attractive traits, and basically necessary if you're using
cold approaches. A lack of patience, believe it or not, goes a long
way towards getting success.
So, due to circumstance, men who are in the top 1% carry themselves
differently and behave a bit more differently, specifically - in a
more valuable way to women.
Now, here's the bomb to be dropped on you: It still isn't about
value.
Attainability is the idea that women have a chance to get you. For
women of privledge and of high self-esteem, they see themselves
with a high caliber of man. They don't see themselves struggling.
Women close their eyes, and think to themselves, "Is this the kind
of man I see myself with?" Many very beautiful women see themselves
with a man of means, especially for the long-term. You need to know
this, and accept it: Many beautiful women see themselves, in the
long-term, with a wealthy man. She might see you as very valuable
even if you're not wealthy, but she might not see you as "her type".
This can be overcome.
Value, Attainability, and Compliance generate Attraction. This is
called VAC. VAC is beautiful in its non-linearity. While there's
some common indicators of value, like non-verbals and
conversational skills, where our deepest value comes from is
different in all of us. Being passionate about something in your
life is good for value, regardless of what it is.
Which brings us to attainability: First, there are lots of women
who are very nice, very cool, solid girls who could care less
about wealth, and if you make them laugh, you'll be in good shape.
But what about the ones that do care? Let me give you some quick
tips.
FOR THE WEALTHY MEN, REGARDLESS OF AGE:
The most common mistakes among wealthy men who aren't successful
with women is that they try to flaunt or show off their wealth.
The second most common mistake is spending too much money on
women without demanding lots of compliance in return.
Trying to impress a woman will murder attraction. What you should
do is get your affairs into order, and spend money on YOURSELF,
not on women. Understate your success - use "verbalizations of
lower value", be modest, and understate your success. This will
make you appear even more confident and successful.
Do not flaunt it, and if a woman starts to see you as out of her
league, use heavy doses of verbal attainability, like
qualification: One of the best you can use is "down to earth" -
"I meet a lot of girls with their heads in the clouds, but you
don't have time for that. You're so down to earth and relaxed, I
feel really comfortable around you."
Then, put 'em to work! Here's one of my personal favorites, from
my own little bag of tricks. Take out a bill, hand it to a girl,
and say, "I've got to go greet this cat over here real fast, can
you pick me up a vodka tonic from the bar? You can get yourself
something too if you want." Most women, if they like you and you
have not been flaunting your wealth, will go buy drinks for both
of you and then give your cash back to you! It's a pride thing.
So work them a lot. If you're high value, and they know they have
a shot at you, it's up to you to work them so that they can feel
like they deserve you.
SUCCESSFUL BUT NOT WEALTHY, ALL AGES:
Many men are successful - they get what they want out of life,
but aren't necessarily wealthy. Musicians. Artists. People who do
community work. These men may be quite respected, but they don't
have ridiculous amounts of money. Newsflash: You're still very
potentially attractive to women!
Again, wealth is an indicator of good traits about you. Success in
other fields is too. And quite likely, if you've achieved some
success or acclaim in a field, you get treated really well in that
area too: Take your mentality from wherever you get success - the
one of abundance and privledge - and apply it to everywhere you go.
After that, you need to be attainable: Show her that underneath the
art, or speaking, or whatever your chosen path is - show her that
underneath that, you're like her too, with similar hopes and dreams,
and successes and failures. People who are really successful in some
respected, enlightened element of our culture can be intimidating,
so show her that a girl like her can get a guy like you.
IF YOU'RE OLDER, AND NOT SUCCESSFUL:
The nice thing about being men is that our value gets higher as we
age - as long we achieve commensurate with our age. Look at men who
have consistently achieved more and more success as they get
older, who never stop, retire, or let themselves stagnate. Men who
keep achieving more become more attractive as they get older. We
only cease to gain value from aging when we stop achieving more.
Take a look at Hugh Hefner, as a great example, of a man who never
stopped achieving more, and has in fact become more and more
attractive over the years.
If you're older than 40, and you haven't achieved anything in terms
of art or culture, in your professional life, in your leisure time,
in your family, or anything else, then it's time for a gut-check.
Social skills go a long way towards getting better with women. I've
seen quite a few students below height 5'5 get plenty of success,
as have guys of all levels of physical attractiveness, and all
ethnicities and nationalities.
But the fact is - if you haven't achieved anything in 40+ years on
this planet that you're proud of, then it's time to overhaul that
and start anew. Women aren't attracted to men who have achieved
accomplishments because of the accomplishments themselves. There's
thousands of things that can be done in this world that people will
respect and admire, and here's a true statement: It's not because
of the accomplishment itself. It's because the kind of man who gets
things done, who strives and works hard, and is decisive and bold
and confident - this is the kind of man that accomplishes things,
and if you're not accomplishing things, then you're signifying you
probably don't have those traits.
Here's the good thing, though: Many men overlook a lot of great
things they have going for them. If you've raised children who are
now happy and successful, that is an accomplishment, for instance.
But if you haven't achieved anything yet, then my first suggestion
to you is to start getting involved. Pick up a new hobby, or start
working hard in a new profession. Doing this concurrently with
learning social skills goes a long way towards showing you are,
again, bold, decisive, intelligent, creative, confident, etc.
IF YOU'RE YOUNG, AND HAVE YET TO LEAVE YOUR MARK ON THE WORLD:
A lot of younger cats can clearly see how they're going to be
successful and leave their brand on the world - but they haven't
yet. Many times a cat under age 30 wonders if he's achieved enough,
if he's doing enough, if he can be attractive to women when other
guys have done more, have more already.
Here's the great thing for you: If you're under age 30, you're in a
position where you can talk about what you're going to achieve -
even that you haven't started on yet - and it will give you the
value of being confident, bold, decisive, et al, and it will let
girls be able to picture themselves with you long-term.
If any cats under 18 years old snuck onto this list or see this
article reposted somewhere, you are truly blessed: You can make as
many unsubstantiated claims as you want about how you're going to
take over the entire world. Remember that going "too far" with them
can actually hurt attainability ;) But talk about how you want to
have a pool, and a beautiful garden, and a glass sun-room inside
your home, and how you want to travel the entire world...
Go for it. As you start to get older, some - just a little - of
your value gets tied into whether you've started to achieve
professionally or creatively. Before that, painting vivid pictures
that show you're a dreamer can capture all the value. Of course,
you'll need to back it up by being decisive, confident, and the
rest WITH HER - women can't be faked out per se. But if you act
confident, and talk confidently - you've got all the value of being
confident.
Oh, and everybody - Get lots of compliance. Compliance is good.
Sebastian
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