mASF post by "TylerDurden"
posted on: mASF forum: General Discussion newsgroup, October 10, 2003...I realize that I have one-itis-FUCK..
Fortunately its only on a level where if I go out of my way to think about her,
I can feel the slight weird feeling. Not on a level where I think about her
compulsively.
Some thoughts..
Don't mindfuck yourself into one-itis-Last night I was on the phone with Harmless, and we called up a bunch of girls
I was either already seeing or who I was trying to see or who were flaking on
me (the last group we busted on - it was funny and I'll post on it later).
Anyway, there's this one girl that really gets to me. I've already gone out
with her, and decided not to make attempts to hookup with her because I knew I
had a serious one-itis-issue with this girl.
Now guys will say "it's OK to have one-itis-or just be polyamorous". I
understand and agree that this is great for alot of guys. I also think that
for veteran PUAs its absolutely fine, if not even ideal.
For me personally, I suffered through nasty cases one-itis-for a LONG time,
again and again and again the entire time I grew up. Of course the difference
was that back then, it would be for like some girl who told me that I had a
cool baseball cap or gave me extended eye contact, and I thought that we were
going to fall in love and get married. Then after a few months of fantasizing,
the harsh reality would kick in that the girl didn't even know who I was, and
that our connection was all in my mind. Then I'd be depressed for a week or
two, and then get one-itis-for some new girl - hence the cycle of lame AFCness
would continue. Needy.
The thing I find with one-itis-is that I usually don't even think about
sleeping with the girl I'm pining over. I daydream about snuggling her and
dumb shit like that. Or introducing her to my mom or vacationing together. I
also find that sometimes I can't remember what they look like clearly, until I
see them again. Does anyone else get this?? Like its just for girls I get
one-itis-for, not for girls I'm sleeping with.
I've found that the number one thing that will cause one-itis-for me at this
point is when I can tell that the girl is genuinely infatuated with me. Like
she thinks I'm hot and she thinks I'm an awesome person. Like as opposed to
most girls I date who just think I'm a socially proofed alphamale.
This girl, I always have fun with her. I walk around like I'm mentally
retarded when I think about her. It's like being on drugs.
To be honest, one of the reasons I don't drink anymore is because I find that
feeling to be annoying. Like I used to like it, but to be honest I much prefer
the way I *normally* am now, which is just pretty chilled combined with getting
laid by hot girls and its just a sexual thing.
Now just thinking about this, it gives me a few insights.
#1: Sexual attraction is caused by the stuff that we talk about on this board.
But ONE-ITIS-type attraction is caused by QUALIFICATION and COMMONALITY. In
the case of this girl, we have massive commonality, and she constantly
qualifies me by telling me that I'm so amazing, blah blah.. I remember my first
AFC girlfriend who had insecurity about her looks (she was retardedly hot also,
but too young to be getting hit on in bars everynight and she was pissed that
nobody competent would hit on her). I got her because I said "You're honestly
one of the most stunning girls I've ever seen, and you're an incredible person,
and if guys can't see that then it blows me away." I also had some value
because she knew me as a local badboy, so that helped also. But this girl got
a LEGIT crush on me. Like the kind where they don't flake. That's what caused
me to get a crush on HBoneitis. She complimented me on shit that I'm insecure
about and makes me feel like when I'm with her, that I'm better than I "really"
am.
#2: One-itis-is caused by MINDFUCKING *YOURSELF*. I knew that I had the
potential to have oneitis for this chick. But last night talking to Harmless,
and calling several girls in a row, I was forced to actually side by side
compare the girl I now wake up to find I have oneitis for, compared to other
girls. Also, the big thing that did it was TALKING about it. Like me saying
to Harmless, "dude, isn't this chick cool.. this chick is so much cooler than
all the other chicks we called.. they're all bimbos but she's so awesome.. blah
blah.."
Thinking back, that's exactly how I used to get one-itis-It's the CONSISTENCY
principle. The more you talk about it, and think about it, the more you
backwards rationalize that its REAL. And then the more your AFC-indoctrinated
brain starts connecting the dots between all the media and social conceptions
that you've been exposed to, and the situation that you're in.
What's worse for me though, is the GFTOW solution doesn't work anymore. I
literally without exaggerating have a day2 lined up with a different girl for
the next four days (all HB9+). I also have girls I'm already hooking up with.
So for guys who don't have that, they can go out and its all EXCITING for them
to hookup with new girls. I used to get that all the time. Like I'd get a
tinge of one-itis-and then I'd hookup with some new girl and I'd be so excited
about it that I'd completely forget about the other girl. But now I'm
ACCUSTOMED to that, so it doesn't feel unusual.
Now OTOH, the GFTOW argument stands, because the idea behind it is that either
A) it will cure your oneitis, or B) you will have the skillset to get the girl
that you want. In my case, I'm happy to say that its B. But I also know that
if I sleep with this girl, I'm going to revert back to AFC-mode, which I'm NOT
dealing with right now.
Also, its fucking my game up because I have a day2 with a SMOKING chick Friday,
but when I talked to her on the phone my game fell-off a little bit because I
felt too much like I was talking to a retard. I kept thinking "I'd so much
rather be talking to HBONEITIS right now.. She's so much cooler, and she'd love
it if I called.. Why am I wasting my time talking to this girl?.. Life is
passing me by.." Like it wasn't drastic. But it wasn't as tight as usual.
The reason that I really don't like one-itis-aside from it feeling like you're
on drugs, is that its just not a lifestyle that I'm into. I don't like feeling
needy, I definetely don't like being tied down, and I don't like how it has
affected my friendships in the past. Also, I always meet guys who are players
but settle down, and honestly its fucking LAME, yo. And its not because my
identity is overly tied up in my pickup skills and I think all guys should be
like that. It's because their girlfriend inevitably starts causing drama (or
the guy does, to be fair), and then the relationship becomes some kind of weird
drama case perversion of what it was originally intended to be, and it slowly
sinks into only twice a week routine sex that are usually preceded by fits of
jealousy over trivial bullshit.
Of course the middle point is to enjoy the relationship while it lasts and not
be afraid to cut it off at the first sign of bullshit. But if I was in a
relationship with THIS girl, could I cut it off that easily? NOPE. And I know
that. I'd fake it of course and I'd do better than most guys, but in the end I
would be dealing with the same bullshit that Commander Zap kept dealing with
from HBLipstick.
I remember when I used to be in a long term relationship, and if I had to
travel I would crave the sex. Now when I travel, I can go on a dryspell and I
don't even give a fuck. I honestly think its because I was more needy than I
was horny. The sex was filling a void in me back then.
I don't have that void anymore. I'm not needy at all. And IMO, because I'm a
new PUA, it takes a few years single to really internalize deep lasting change.
Like the AFC -> PUA transformation is something that takes place on a number of
different levels.
First you start seeing girls just showing attraction alot more. Then because
people like you, you get the balls to change up your style and look, and you
get rid of all the old AFC anchours. Then guys start to show you more respect
cause of the socialproof and look change, and you stop doing dumb shit like
qualifying yourself or acting fidgety. Then girls start to pickup on your
social status, and you start getting laid by the girls who were previously just
somewhat attracted. Then you notice that you don't even feel attached to these
girls anymore, or really develop strong feelings for them, because you don't
rely on them for validation. Then everything SNOWBALLS and you wake up coming
across like a totally different person - still with many of the same core
values and beliefs, but without all of the insecurities and twitches that got
in the way of your ability to convey yourself and values that I suppose on some
levels make you who you are.
That also reminds me of another point. In the past few months, I've begun to
understand why hot girls flake more and more. Because I get constant sexual
validation as a PUA, I dont' really feel needy anymore. And I tend to flake on
girls that I'm attracted to, if its in anyway inconvenient for me to meet up
with them. Now consider that on top of me not feeling needy causing flaking
SOMETIMES, and then that I'm brainwashed by ASF and the pickup scene to try to
rack up notches on my bedpost, how motivated a hot girl would be to meet up.
Like there will be girls that I'm attracted to, but because I don't have that
neediness anymore, unless its convenient for me, I really lose motivation to
meet up. But of course my ASF indoctrinated brain tells me "push push push".
So I'll meetup anyway. But for a girl who is totally not needy (because she
has gotten validated all day long for the last 20 years), imagine HER
motivation to meet up? Not much.
So its not necessarily about being attractive enough, as just being STRATEGIC
in the way that you go for a day2 meet.
Anyway, as for how I'll avoid oneitis in the future -
LESSONS:
1) Don't talk about girls to your friends, because you'll mindfuck yourself
into thinking that they're special (even if they are, you don't want to be
thinking that way until AFTER you laid her.. in this particular case I believe
I could, but that's not always the case).
2) Don't think about girls in your head.
3) Love is SELF-HYPNOSIS.
I'll just let things play out with this girl, but I'm not putting much effort
into it. If its really "true love destiny blah blah" like society says, then
shouldn't it just happen on its own, and on its own schedule and with on
manipulation from me?? :)
-TD aka snoogy-woogy
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