mASF post by "jlaix"
posted on: mASF forum: Field Reports Discussion, March 3, 2005I was in the airport in Auckland, New Zealand, being threatened by a security
officer.
Frank had warned me about this in Sydney, right before he gave me the pill. We
had just gotten off a totally fuckin’ punk rock RSD workshop, and I was in no
mood to stay awake for the duration of a trans-Pacific flight watching insipid
“films” such as “Fat Albert” and “Shall We Dance”. “If you take it with
alcohol,” he said, “it gives you a buzz and amnesia before you pass out. It’s
the same stuff that the singer from REM took when he was arrested at the gate
after going on a rampage on the plane. He couldn’t remember anything.”
So naturally, I drank a shitload of liquor prior to taking it.
Next thing you know, they seat me next to a screaming infant. After this, they
make everyone de-plane because of a mechanical problem. I started muttering
curses about it being “fuckin rediklus”, and apparently this was enough to have
me taken aside and admonished by security. After several apologies for my
language, I was given a different seat and told to behave. Fuck, okay.
So 16 hours later I get home to the RealWorld SF pad. I walk into my room and
drop all my shit. It is dark and smells like pussy, but not a pussy I’m
familiar with. Chessy is asleep in the bed. I wake her up and start regaling
her with Aussie tales, like how I got with my first British chick there, and
all the weird, wild times we had with the students.
Turns out Chessy’s been up to some mischief of her own while I was away.
Apparently she had gone to some fashion show with a couple of her hot ho
friends, picked up some designer chick, and had a five-way strap-on girl
gangbang. She has large bruises all over her from the mania. Holy shit… I know
these chicks she’s talking about, and they’re hot. I’m not even back in town
for five minutes, and looks like my dance card is already full for the week…
we’re gonna bang one of the girls each night.
So flash forward to the next day. It’s a Monday, and you know what that means:
El Rio Dollar Drink Night. Chessy arranges for the fashion show chick to meet
us there. Now, Chessy said she’s been banging this broad all over town in the
brief time she’s known her, including at my house. So the chick knows she has a
boyfriend, and also knows what we do for a living.
We haven’t been playing the “covert” game anymore (where we tell the chicks
we’re just “karaoke buddies”). I’ve found that when we do that, we get more
cases of the chick freaking out back at the pad when we spring the threesome on
them. In other words, they must UNDERSTAND what is going on before we pull, not
explicitly, but implicitly on a sub-text level.
The old model was this: I run attract, Chessy runs rapport. Not anymore. We
BOTH have to get attraction before pulling. Of course, girl on girl attract is
different than a guy’s but that’s a whole ‘nother post entirely.
My plan is to lay back, be a chill cool guy, pepper some high octane shit in
there, and get grandfathered in. We get there late. The chick is already there,
I get drinks, then Chessy introduces me. I start off sort of aloof, but quickly
gear things up where I’m in her space, I’m smiling brightly, my eyes are
bright. I move us to a more secluded area in the back where we can work.
I do a name memorization IVD. Again, I plan to go very light on the routines,
using them very strategically. Vibe vibe vibe. Drink drink drink. I run
“Sincere Compliment”. BT spike. Vibe. Little Sister. Vibe. I am in total
control. I’m wearing a pin on my lapel that says, “DUMP TINA”, and the chick
asks me what it means.
“It means tweekers suck,” I say. “Tina” is San Francisco slang for crystal
methamphetamine, it’s my little anti-drug statement. “I mean, hey, I like to
blow rails off a shitty dive bar toilet tank as much as the next guy, but I
kinda frown on meth, ey? I’m too old for that shit.”
Two giant black dudes roll up all of a sudden and start gaming both of the
girls. These guys are fuckin’ HUGE, they roll up and go in. I throw my arm
around the one on the left. “I LOVE THIS GUY! He’s like my little brother! Just
look at those wittle cheeks!” I pinch his cheek and go “boobooobooboo” and
start laughing. The one on the right starts to move in. I’m like, “These guys
are good! Hey man, pick these chicks up man, let’s see this shit!”
The guy’s like, “Yeah, yeah, look at you, man, look at your hair!”
I say, “Hey, just trying to impress you, man!”
He goes, “Well, it works! I’m impressed!” LOL this guy obviously understands
DLV. I like these guys, they got class. I continue…
“No way man, you’re the master! Look at the STYLE on this guy!” plucking at his
shirt. “Dude, these girls are my little sisters, they just broke up with their
boyfriends, you should talk to them!” The guy on the left tries to cut me off,
but my elbow ‘somehow’ gets in his way…
“Awww shit, he’s givin me the elbow! He’s givin’ me the elbow! This guy!!” He’s
laughing.
Meanwhile, the other one tries to cut in on me more… I turn around and see
Organic and the boys, who’ve been watching the whole time. I wave them over.
“Hey guys, I want you to meet my friends!” The AMOGs turn to see, and I
backturn them and cut them out.
They turn back around… “Aww shit!! He gave us the backturn!! The backturn!” The
other one says, “Fuck this, let’s cut.”
As they leave, I’m like, “I like you guys! Fair play man, fair play!” This was
pitch perfect AMOG tactics. Very jovial, just like busting around with your
buddies. These guys could have pounded me into a fine red mist, but they
didn’t. Fuck, I PINCHED HIS CHEEKS. The key? My frame was rock solid, and I was
making them laugh, not trying to “humiliate” or “destroy” them. This is why
AMOG tactics get a bad rap, people don’t understand the distinction. In any
case, the chick is clearly more attracted to me after this.
On a side note, I kind of wanted those guys to stay around so I could befriend
them… in my opinion, a giant black dude would be the perfect wingman for me due
to the fact that he would be diametrically opposed to me as far as appearance
is concerned. I hate it when I see guys winging who look identical and are
dressed identical. It’s like fuckin’ Tweedledee and Tweedledum, know what I’m
sayin?
Chessy goes to get drinks, I do the Trust Test on our target while she’s gone.
It goes perfect, I guess both numbers right in the “3, 7” ESP part. It’s fuckin
on. I do a takeaway and let her talk to some other gay guys she knows who are
there.
Chessy pulls me aside shortly after this and says, “Listen, we should pull her
now, to go do drugs at your house.”
I’m like, “She has blow?”
Chessy says, “No, she has meth.” Oh brother. No wonder she seemed kind of tepid
when I explained the pin to her. Fuck it, let’s go. I can pretend to sniff it.
No way I’m doin’ that shit, I can’t bust a nut on it, I’ll just sit there
pumping away for hours and hours to no avail.
So we walk out arm in arm. The Nigerian door guy gives me that sly old look
again, I tip my invisible hat to him.
Back at Club Jeffy, the chick goes to bust out the meth, and… there’s none left
in her little satchel. Boo fucking hoo. Awesome, now I don’t have to fuck with
that shit. Mix up some drinks, the next thing you know the girls are making out
on the bed. I just join in. No dual induction necessary. The chick is hot, a
low 8, huge tits, but I don’t like the way she kisses. Too aggressive. She
reminds me of the stripper that Chessy and I did that ended up wandering
downstairs in the middle of the night and fucking my roommate and his
girlfriend, thinking it was us. A total cokewhore. God bless ‘em!
So there we are, we’re straight FUCKING, busting out all these different
positions, full blown porno time. I’m lovin’ it like McGriddles. We go into the
triangle position to finish off. Then the chick’s phone rings… she stops and
answers it, with some lame excuse, “It’s this guy I’ve been trying to bang for
ever I have to take this!” she goes off to the other side of the room and takes
the call.
I tell Chessy, “This is fuckin rude, let’s kick this bitch out. Do you hear,
bitch? Fuckin rude, takin phone calls while we’re having sex?! WTF.”
She finally gets off the phone, then makes some lame excuse, “I just feel weird
getting between some couple, being the third person.”
I say, “What the fuck? You’re not the third person, okay? You’re like the
fifteenth person. You think this is the first time we’ve done this? Oh, I’m so
nervous! Oh! Haaa!”
She says, “I’m so sorry, it’s just this guy blah blah blah etc.” I suddenly
realize what’s going on, the guy is her fuckin’ meth dealer and she desperately
needs her shit. So I cut her some slack.
“Listen, I understand, okay? It’s just sort of disconcerting when you get up
abruptly during sex like that. We like you. It’s cool.”
She goes, “OMG, I’ll be back and I’ll fuck you guys better than ever, I
promise! I just have to go now! I’ll fuck you so good, I promise!” She
pantomimes this behavior, to my amusement.
So she puts her clothes on. While this is happening, I say to Chessy, right in
frnt of the chick, “It’s only 1:15, we can go to Phone Bizzle and pull another
if you want.” Chessy says yes, we put our clothes on, and we all walk out
together. The chick hops in this gold Datsun 280Z that pulls up and says, “I
love you guys!” as she speeds away to get her fuckin’ tweek. Chessy and I, on
the other hand, go to the Phone Booth. What could be more delightful than two
threesomes in one night?
Not many targets there. We open all the viables, using this new opener:
Chessy: “Hey guys, we need a female opinion. Does his face smell like pussy?”
Then I shove my face up in theirs so they can assess it.
One chick runs off in horror, others laugh and concur that yes, it does in fact
smell of stank-ass pussy.
We don’t end up pulling, but we sail off into the night regardless, singing
“Faithfully” at the top of our lungs, high on life…and scotch. And weed.
-jlaix
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what's the difference between us? we can start at the penis; or we can scream
"i just don't give a fuck" and see who means it.
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