mASF post by "esk6969"
posted on: alt.seduction.relationships, July 7, 2005On 7/12/05 5:02:00 PM, OceanEyes wrote:
>
>Here is the short story.
>
>I tell her I love her, what, 3
>weeks
>ago. The following rapdily
>ensues:
>
>1. The psychological cost of
>sex goes up.
>2. Mixed message manipulation
>increases.
>3. I am having feelings of
>guilt induced
>by her blaming me for some
>aspects of our
>relationship.
>4. Double bind-like "no win"
>situations occur.
>
>Ok, so at some point, and I am
>not sure
>exactly where, she has started
>to perceive
>me as weak.
Or rather, that's your perception, of her perception. May be accurate, may
not. Remember, you're looking at this through the ASF lens, so anything less
than 100% male domination in the relationship will be viewed as "weak". Which,
of course, isn't realistic, nor attainable - more of a process than an outcome
regardless.
Moving from the general, to the specific....
One of the things I have always done in my LTR with my wife, even before
marriage, IIRC, is I have said "You're allowed to tell me WHAT to do, or HOW to
do it, but not both." This accomplishes several things:
1. Since I have always said it, exactly like this, verbatim, it carries with
it the authenticity that can only come from consistency.
2. It reminds, in a half-humorous, tongue-in-cheek kind of a way (OMG.... have
I been "Cocky & Funny" all along?, LOL) that I am not willing to accept
complete control, nor even partial, simultaneous control, of my actions from
her.
3. It breaks down a meaning, i.e., permits two general scenarios to exist in
her mind, both of which are favorable to me (hey, is this like, the reverse of
a double-bind, LOL)
3a. If she tells me WHAT to do, *I* decide how to do it. For instance, she
might tell me "the bathroom needs painted". Fine, and she's probably right.
BUT, I decide how I'm going to fucking paint it - even if that means I wanna go
to Sherwin Williams to buy that cool new power sprayer I saw on TV, even though
it's complete and total overkill for a little bathroom, because I'll use it
"someday" on larger projects.... MAN LOGIC, hahahahahah!!!!
3b. If she tells me HOW to do it, I'm going to decide WHAT it's going to be.
Usually, that means it's going to be a) fucking b) boating c) fucking d)
watching movies e) drinking or f) buying shit. So, for instance, if I'm
deciding we're fucking, she's welcome to tell me how, i.e., "fuck me from
behind", etc. Really, I don't mind!
Now, having said all that, of course the scenarios don't play out that
literally; this is for purpose of example. However, there absolutely WILL be
times when I will utter the statement above, and then, later on, I will
encounter some similar version of the above scenarios... It's not like we hand
each other task lists or something, but it IS like there is very much a "give
and take", or to ASF it up, a "push and pull" sort of mentality going on.
Get used to this, if you want LTR. Negotiations are ongoing, and constant.
About the only time this is unacceptable, to me, is around sex. Recently,
thanks to ASF, I have come to realize that ALL women use sex as a weapon in
relationship, if you let them. My approach to this has been pretty direct, as
in, she will say "if you do X, you might get a special treat", half-kidding, to
which I will immediately now reply "We will not use sex as a weapon in our
relationship. Period." This gets accompanied with the "Hannibal Lechter" eyes
that basically subcommunicate that, if I am challenged on this, I am going to
eat her alive along with some fava beans and chianti. (Not literally, sickos).
This also goes right along with the "the sack is for FUCKING" frame that was
taught to me by my "natural" friend back in college, and as I have mentioned
here on ASF before. Basically, we were discussing LMR, though not using the
term for it (as this was pre-ASF), but, it is a problem men have faced from
time immemoriam, so he knew exactly what I was talking about. To me, LMR is
something that happens PRE-ltr, yet, I have come to realize that many women
employ a sub-version of this tactic in LTR, and along with it, the accompanying
realization that this is totally unacceptable, and probably a large reason for
the massive beta-isation of men in western society. It is also hugely ironic,
since women typically employ it as a device to get something they want, in the
short term, but almost invariably, wind up creating what they DON'T want, in
the long term (a betaised, feminized man who grovels for "permission" for sex,
and negotiates and trades for it with honey-do's, or even outright material
purchases, tantamount to inter-marital prostitution).
>The obvious thing to do is
>next her. What are
>the conditions under which she
>will propose
>an FB scheme? I am pretty
>sure she won't
>accept that scheme from me at
>the moment.
If you DO decide to FB her, probably the only way it's going to happen is
through non-verbal communication. You still have separate pads, so thank stars
for that. Simply call less, fuck less, etc. When she asks what's going on,
tell her you want to "cool it" for a while.
Panic!
Love, or the feeling of being in love, is literally a drug. Just the
difference is that, the chemicals come from within. See the book "why we love"
for a detailed explanation of the physiological processes. People "in love"
literally have the same brain-MRI patterns as drug addicts. Including, the
same syptoms accompanying "withdrawal" of the drug. If you really wanna FB her
(and thus, destroy the long-term stuff), see yourself as a pusher, and, like
all good pushers, draw the line out a little bit. Make her miss it. And then,
when you give it to her, give the good stuff. And back, and forth, and so it
goes. BAM! Insta-fuckbuddy. Of course, she will soon figure it out, and go
apeshit, but then, as I have stated many times, I never could figure out how to
strech out a FB. Really, I only ever had FB's for a matter of weeks, was never
able to fully convert into a bona-fied MLTR. I give props to the guys who can
string them along for years, I don't know how they do it.
>
>
>-OE
>
>----------------------------
>
>OE's First Law: Any
>sufficiently long thread on
>mASF devolves into a flame war
>about SS.
>
"Get your validation from your life, not your women." - L&C
"Girls network" is like the Mafia with the difference that they use the tongue
instead of Beretta. - Franco
|
