mASF post by "finalD"
posted on: mASF forum: General Discussion newsgroup, June 6, 2005manuva wrote in news:[email protected]:
> Typed out a response to Legion5's 'Dealing with up front social value
[snip ...s snip]
> I called her on Wednesday.
>
Thanks for this mini-field-report thing.
Fact is, when you "barged" through the group of "leeches" (heh) and then
addressed her, there were six or ten or a thousand things going on that
you simply did not convey in your initial post. Imagine, if you will,
FAILING at that approach. You'd know what was missing -- tonality, body-
language, confident bearing, directness, height, wide shoulders, decent
clothing, thick hair, square jaw, some type of grooming that isn't AFC,
maybe even peacocking outfit or hair dye or sunglasses or something.
There's a billion ways that this "cock-sure" approach, and the cocky-
funny attitude behind it, will simply fail. It's not very helpful for us
to read about WHAT MOVES A COOL GUY MAKES. If we aren't already that
cool guy, then trying out his moves won't help us, so what we probably
need to hear, is HOW TO BE THAT COOL GUY IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I don't mean to slam on you, any positive field report is a useful bit
of information; and I do believe that this type of approach will
eventually start to work for anyone who starts to use it effectively.
But what's missing from the description is the overall 'bearing' or
'demeanor' behind it, and capacity to portray congruent attitude to that
demeanor with all other ancillary things. You can't just leap in like
that, it won't work. I know this from field experience. I've been using
the "direct and cocky" type of approach that you describe for about
three years now, and really haven't fine-tuned it to the point that
I'm getting anywhere with it at all. Evidently I display some kind of
incongruity in body language, or posture, or vocal pitch and tonality,
or something. I try to be suave, or sometimes I don't try to be suave
and just "let it flow" instead; but I don't get the closes. I don't even
get numbers, just "yeah they're like leeches." Sometimes I also get "so
are you" or "so what? they're my friends, I like them" or "every girl in
here thinks you're a jerk for calling their boyfriends leeches" or
"hunh? excuse me -- BARTENDER! [back turn]" All of these are valid
responses from the woman -- she's trying to make me qualify to her. They
all require some kind of quick thinking on my part that will allow me to
demand that SHE qualify to ME and thereby return our pair into MY frame
instead of residing in hers.
Don't tell me what the quick-thinking solutions are. Don't tell me what
to do if she says X or Y or Z (examples above). I don't want to know
NOW, sixteen hours too late. I want to know HOW TO THINK THOSE
RESPONSES UP ON THE FLY and / or HOW COME YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.
Get it? Otherwise, it's just another field report from a natural that
somehow suggests that the natural is more natural at being a natural
than the rest of us non-naturals are, and therefore it's useless.
--
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in
higher esteem those who think alike than those who think
differently.
Friedrich Nietzsche
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