mASF post by "demilano"
posted on: mASF forum: Advanced Discussion, May 5, 2004On 5/9/04 7:09:00 AM, Jade wrote:
>>You've got to face your fears, not your parents.
>
>Yeah, but even if you face it
>in your other interactions
>with people, the primary
>source still remains and keeps
>poisoning your mind.
Are your parents standing besides you, threatening you with a club or whatever?
It all takes place in your mind, which is great, because else it would be a
heck harder to change it.
You might
>be the biggest uber-alpha in
>the universe when you are
>around chicks, but around your
>parents you are still a puppy.
>That's gotta bring you down
>because you are not being
>internally consistent; your
>behaviour changes depending on
>the company. Even if you cut
>all contact with your parents
>(which I prefer not to do),
>deep down it will still gnaw
>at ya. Especially if they
>phone you every once in a
>while, like mine do.
I don't know what you fear, but I for my part speak directly with my parents
tell them straight whenever they're pissing me off. If they object without
solid reasoning, then, O.K., we gotta escalate it if it has to be. As long as
there's no physical violence involved, its only words that insult. Got no
lasting problem with that. As written above in another post, my parents should
be the first I should apply my filters to. No exceptions: "You can't choose
your family, but you can choose your friends".
>>Realize that fear is actually a good thing
>
>Fear is a good thing to an
>animal since it has no higher
>mental functions and therefore
>has to operate like a robot;
>it is generally no longer a
>good thing for a being who can
>operate beyond that level. If
>a lion attacks a fearful man,
>this man will run away in
>panic until the lion catches
>and eats him. But if a lion
>attacks a fearless man, he
>will run if he has a chance to
>make it, and fight for his
>life if not. Most likely he
>will have a spear and other
>tribe members helping him.
Basically right, what I tried to say was that fear was and often still is a
useful mechanism, a heuristic as psychologists say. It can be very beneficial
when timing is crucial, you've got none left to analyze. Fear always has a
trigger, a response mechanism and (most importantly and still very
underestimated) an AIM. Seriously, do the following when you're in the mood:
write down your fears, analyze when they kick in, what specifically makes them
kick in and especially what purpose the fears serve you. What does your
subconsciousness want to protect you from? What is the 'positive' aspect of
that fear? Once you understand your fear, you can replace it with a logical
alternative and install it e.g. with NLP. Fear is good, thank god (or satan or
whomever LOL) I was too afraid back in the days when the war was going on and I
was verrrrrrrrry close to suicide due to depressive thinking patterns.
>>when it gets hot, ONLY option 1 is working.
>
>Agreed; that's why I'm so much
>in favor of it.
>
>>I'm gonna change cities
>
>Yeah, but your other comments
>show that you have already
>confronted your parents. If
>you had not, this would seem
>like running away from your
>fear to me. Deep down it would
>always be there, because at
>some level you would always
>know that there is something
>in this world that scared you
>so much that you never dared
>to face it. You will always
>know that you are fearful.
>It sounds like you have
>confronted your dad but not
>your mom actually; is she the
>hard one?
Interesting, didn't realize that myself. I've indeed confronted my father, but
it wasn't 'the one' confrontation that changed it all but rather many
confrontations I've still got to wage from time to time. Status is earned, it
is not inherited.
Problem with my mother is that she's stubborn and lacks even the most basic
social and other kinds of intelligence. I've accepted the fact that she's got
the mind set of a girl from another world and that it's her problem not mine.
I've wasted too much time on the problems she should have solved herself long
ago, therefore I ignore her mostly. "Toxic relatives" is the best description
for such people (mentioned in "Attitude is everything").
>>show him in a cold hearted, logical way that
>>he is wrong and that he cannot influence you
>>with the respect
>
>Yeah, that's just what I was
>planning to do. Anger is
>always a sign of fear, so I
>plan not to get angry. The
>other side is actually
>_trying_ to cause anger,
>because it kinda provides a
>moral justification to use
>more extreme measures to
>subdue what is now seen as an
>"attacker". For example, if
>you get into an argument at
>the club, the surest way to
>get a fist fight going is to
>get angry in retaliation. You
>can stand your ground without
>getting angry; he is just
>looking for proof that you
>intended to harm him. Just
>stay calm and explain it
>without offending him.
Explain what? Something that really helped me tremendously was the
understanding the frame and metaframe of an interaction - apply the principles
of prizing. Do a search on these topics, it's worth it.
>>>>In order to love someone, both sides must
>>>>consider each other equal; and that is just
>>>>not true as long as you are being dominated.
>>WRONG. That's just not true as long as YOU LET
>>YOURSELF BE DOMINATED.
>
>Same thing really...
>
>>I wore satanic crosses, death metal shirts with
>>pentagrams with an impaled jesus on them...
>
>Hehe, nice; but did you also
>wear them while your mother
>was watching? ;-)
Didn't go to church with my parents, but I would not have worn them if we had
gone to church together :-).
Else I did wear them: you only get as much out of life as you fight for.
Catholic schools are really cool during puberty: there are so many inofficial
rules, beliefs and conventions you can break that you don't even think about
breaking criminal laws. Pissing your religious teacher off during classes in
religion is a pricless experience, or during those brain washing sermons :)))
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