mASF post by "transition"
posted on: mASF forum: General Discussion newsgroup, October 10, 2004I just wanted to write down my thoughts about the last two weeks since I quit
smoking/drinking.
I have been dealing with drinking too much as well as smoking too much for a
long time. A few weeks ago I started thinking about quitting, but while I
really felt I should, mentally I had all these reasons why I shouldn't or
couldn't. I had to consider that my LTR drinks and smokes, as well as any FB's
I have.
One day I went to the bookstore and purchased "awaken the giant within" and
"the lay guide" (cause it was cheap) and later that afternoon, I started
reading "Awaken the giant ...". I was immediately stricken, within a few
chapters, with a strong desire to take ACTION. Mentally I was at my low point
and this whole idea of perpetuating my weakness was making it worse! I set a
date,and made a plan of action. I was going to quit drinking and smoking, and
start hitting the gym again. Which by itself doesn't sound that hard, but
imagine a life socially, physically, emotionally, mentally, and even
financially developed around drinking and smoking. I realized this, and said to
myself, "Fuck It". I knew I had done bigger things than this before, things
like that fat chick two years ago on St. Patty's day.
I started associating self defeating thought with pain, if someone would
question my decision I would associate them with my enemy (I know its wrong but
I felt I had to) I bought like 20 dollars worth of gum a day, as I didn't want
to use a nicotine replacement. And I waited for the big pain of quitting to
hit, and waited, and waited. It didn't come, sure I had moments were I thought,
"something is missing", then I would remember that the feeling came at times
when I would normally have smoked, like after a meal, that's when I would pop
some gum. And move on. BTW, from what I understand the average craving last
only 10 seconds, so if you can get by that, your set.
Anyway, after only two days, I decided to challenge myself and hit the bars. I
was surprised to find that everyone was very supportive of my quitting smoking,
not so much
about the drinking, so I used that, I would say, I quit smoking, so I quit
drinking so I won't be tempted. Regardless, I had to tell people to fuck off,
dump drinks purchased for me, oh and I started punching people in the arm if
they gave me too much shit ... like ("punch!, fuck off dude, I QUIT, get it
through your head") But I wasn't sarging that night, I was just playing Tuesday
night pool (WTF is up w/Tuesdays, is it universal that NOTHING should happen on
a Tuesday?) Oh yeah, and I had to tell my main FB to fuck off, as she just
wasn't as interesting once I quit drinking for some reason.
So, at this point, I get cravings about once a day, but alcohol smells like
vomit, and people who drink and smoke reek of pure ass to me. Sarging sober
isn't hard once you get into state, it's getting into state that seems hard for
me. I am working on a prep routine but, I think just jumping in the water
really is the only thing you can do. I'm still working this one out. I'm saving
fucking TONS of cash by not drinking and smoking which makes me less stressed.
And I've also noticed my Sex drive has gone up exponentially. I will get into
sexual state just looking at chicks, it's like I am back high school. I wonder
how long
these effects will last ... it feels so good it tickles.
-transition
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