mASF post by "silverblue7766"
posted on: mASF forum: General Discussion newsgroup, December 12, 2004I spent the last week or so working on how I could instantly recognize a needy
behaviour and to how get rid of it. It is not a new topic and I am sure
everybody has a vague idea about what it is.
Nonetheless, I did a search, read quite a lot of material from various people
and found some very interesting stuff.
I’ve come up with list of 49 common needy behaviours and noticed they could be
classified in 6 different categories. You can find them below.
It is 11 pages in my Word document. You will find:
- Why this attitude is important? Why neediness is unattractive?
- What is neediness?
- Why people are needy?
- How does neediness develop?
- How can we know whether a behaviour is needy or not?
- Examples of needy and non-needy behaviours
- Consequence of neediness on other people. What kind of cues should we look
for?
- How to remove neediness? How to internalise a non-needy attitude?
Best,
SB
**********************************************
I’m not needy.
I never look for approval, acceptance, appreciation or acknowledgement (4 A’s).
I take responsibility for myself and I don’t relying on others
I can resist to my urges for gratification
**********************************************
WHY THIS ATTITUDE IS IMPORTANT? Why neediness is unattractive?
- If you don’t follow this attitude then you will make other feel
uncomfortable. It will make people react negatively even if they don’t say so.
They will start denying you. It will build active hostility (animosity). They
will feel they can take advantage of you. They will feel empowered to use you,
disapprove you or discredit you in some way. People will put you below them in
the social ladder and you become less valued. Neediness destroys dignity.
- If you follow this attitude then she will be far less likely to be picky
about you or your behaviours. You will be far more likely to get her approval
and acceptance.
Excerpt from Silent Power in DYD - CD 4.8
****************************************
- Don’t lean psychologically and emotionally. (Leaning = showing neediness).
When you lean psychologically or emotionally on people or toward them it is a
sure sign of insecurity. It makes other feel uncomfortable. They resent the way
you are laying on them and will react by denying you. They don’t like your self
indulgence (indulgence = the inability to resist to a sudden desire) and your
insecurities remind them their own insecurities. Animosity builds. Consciously
and subliminally, they sense the weakness your leaning creates. It grabs their
energy and overcrowds them. They have to buy in your needs and emotions whereas
they prefer to concentrate on their own. They don’t prefer the in position they
often react negatively even if they don’t say so. Alternatively they accept
your in position you are weak. They feel they can take advantage of you
emotionally, financially or sexually. They will feel empowered to use you,
disapprove you or discredit you in some way. Remember, when your energy touches
others they subliminally know if you are weak or strong. It affects how they
see you.
Thus one of the first step in silent power is don’t lean. It is obvious but
most don’t know it. When you are frantic to people (marked by uncontrolled
excitement or emotion) you lean in an air of desperation. They weaken you and
push things away from you. Have you ever had a romantic relation where the
other person was all over you like a heart ache, desperate for you? What did
you do? Probably, for the first few days you enjoyed the attention but on day 3
you gave this woman a hard time and started to tow her around by the nose. At
the end that need and desperation bug you. Eventually you toss this person out.
When you are in love and crave someone and this person keeps some distance and
retreats from your desires increase. If this person advances too far forward
then your desires lessens or if dissipate completely. When you are desperate
for a deal you wind up paying more.
Before buying it, remind you don’t need it. If you don’t get it, it doesn’t
bother you. If you do get it, it would be under your terms and you won’t pay
too much. Some people want always to be around you, touching you, etc. They
lean. They can not go off on their own. People who stay with the group until
everybody part away are leaning. The guy who leaves first has the power. Those
who have the less personal power will hang out at the very end. Think about
this when you are dealing with all kind of relationships. Because if you are
leaning they will feel it instantly. As soon as someone pulls back from you,
you have to pull back a little bit further. Don’t try to grasp, don’t call her
too often.
- Don’t try to get her approval. When you try to buy approval you supplicate.
You imply that you don't know how to legitimately display your own worth, so
you need to resort to trying to buy the approval of those you are implicitly
acknowledging as being higher-value than yourself. If she wasn't cooler than
you, why would you care what she thought? - Hitori
WHAT IS NEEDINESS?
- It is a state where people think they are in a lack of something. It is a
belief, a perception. In reality, they may not lack about anything but that is
what they perceive and feel.
- Neediness is also one’s exaggerated need to express to other people that
he/she exists and wants to be valued.
Being needy has many different forms. I found 6 types of needy behaviours. It
includes:
1) Looking for approval,
- You look for approval when you need people telling you are right when you do
something or giving you permission.
2) Looking for acceptance,
- You look for acceptance when you need people to accept you.
3) Looking for appreciation
- You look for appreciation when you need people thinking you are good or
important.
4) Looking for acknowledgment
- You look for acknowledgement when you need people knows you exist and give
you credit for the things you do.
5) Relying on others to compensate for your lack of confidence,
- You rely on others to compensate for your lack of confidence when you don’t
take responsibility for yourself, you don’t trust your capabilities and
constantly ask for help. In a team you are a burden.
6) Inability to resist your urges for gratification
- You are unable to control your urge for gratification when you respond
quickly or take advantage or the first opportunity. It is also when you are
unable to resist to a sudden desire. It shows that your need was SO big that it
could not wait longer.
WHY PEOPLE ARE NEEDY?
- Needy people usually have low self esteem. Somehow they don’t value
themselves completely and they think they will be better with cool people in
their lives. They forget they are cool people too and others are also attracted
to them. They simply don’t see it. But they do see it when others are attracted
to somebody else and it is that attention they want. They want the attention so
they could get the feeling that they are acknowledged and appreciated. They
want also to feel important and they are right. IOW, they want to be valued.
- Needy people have the feeling that people around them don’t understand them
and perceive them as selfish.
- The lack of validation hurts them and they don’t fully understand why this is
happening to them.
- They don’t feel fully satisfied with the things they have.
- Needy people don’t have the willingness to walk away at any time because they
are too attached to the outcome.
- Since they have little influence and power on their environment, they may
feel they have to quickly grab the few opportunities they get before they go
out of reach.
- A Nice Guy (or a needy guy) believes that he needs the woman to make his life
complete and because he is so hungry, he is willing to pay whatever price she
asks. The Jerk is not hungry and doesn’t need her for anything because he
probably has more women than he can handle now. RJ
- Hitori: People with low social status suffer from a deficit of validation.
Sometimes they legitimately don't get the recognition they deserve, and suffer
from unwillingness or inability to reframe; other times it's because they're
neurotic and LSE and no amount of validation will ever be enough. Unable to
validate themselves, they seek approval and acceptance from other people.
HOW DOES NEEDINESS DEVELOP?
- Neediness develops when they feel they are not acknowledged by the people
they value. They give them a lot of attention (or eye contact). They begin to
be nice with them, and try to show they are good persons either directly
through their language or indirectly with their actions. They try to
sub-communicate they are important to them and they indirectly want their
attention even though they don’t admit it to themselves. They try to prove
themselves to others. They qualify themselves. They tend to easily ignore or
minimize their second class behaviours, and keep focus on what makes them
attractive. They laugh at all the dumb jokes and give kino. They keep trying
hard because in their mind it is the most logical thing to do. They focus on
other people not on themselves.
- The funny thing is as soon as they get more and more validation and the ego
becomes bigger, they may begin to push those same people away. They will
perceive themselves valuable and may begin to snob those they now perceive
below them (ex.: turning their back on them, ignoring them, etc.).
- Non-needy people feel understood, and acknowledged.
HOW CAN WE KNOW WHETHER A BEHAVIOUR IS NEEDY OR NOT?
You can easily find whether a behaviour is needy or not by identifying the
intent of the behaviour. You try to find WHY they are doing X, Y, or Z. You can
also speed the process up by asking yourself 6 simple questions.
1) Does this behaviour seek approval?
2) Does this behaviour seek acceptance?
3) Does this behaviour seek acknowledgment?
4) Does this behaviour seek appreciation?
5) Is this behaviour a way to compensate for a lack of confidence in oneself or
oneself capabilities?
6) Does this behaviour show an inability to resist an urge or desire?
Examples of needy and non-needy behaviours
1. Don’t try to please other people in advance. Don’t act extremely friendly
and nice especially in the beginning.
Those men are looking for appreciation. When around women, guys also tend to
act like they want and need the woman’s appreciation or approval, just like
they would want in any other situation, by being nice, courteous, and by always
trying to find a compromise, etc. The paradox and irony is that needing her
approval, kissing up, letting her lead and you respond, will never cause her to
feel that gut attraction for you. Don't appear too keen, just create attraction
and then offer them an opportunity to spend time with you. Sometimes following
what seems to be the common accepted way of behaving with a woman just won’t do
it.
***** Dangers of being too nice *****
- When you just meet a woman, they often associate what you are doing nice to
them as you trying to seduce her with your actions. You then come off as a
cheap man they can get without effort. - SB
- If you do women favours, ask them lots of questions and kiss their asses,
then they don't have to earn the pleasure of your interaction. You are giving
your attention away free of charge, and your attention becomes cheap! You are
subliminally telling her that you don't value yourself enough to let your true
personality shine; instead you have to manipulate her with your favours and ass
kissing to win her good graces. This is repulsive behaviour! DD. It shows
neediness.
- No good deed goes unpunished with a woman. If you help a man, he will be
helpful for you after. If you help a woman, you will diminish your attraction
on her. The more you help a woman, the less they will do things for you. Rick
H
- Why? Because she will think you try to please her to get into her pants. She
is not attracted to a man who always tries to please her, she wants a valuable
man who is the price and she will try to please. You cannot be the prize if you
always please her. - SB
- Never try to win her affection with attention, compliments, dinner, gifts,
boozes, and other favours she can easily perceive as you trying to gain her
appreciation, acceptation, or approval.
- The more you kiss ass, act as a wuss, and compromise, the less attractive you
become. It is a good thing to act kind. Help a grand-ma to cross the street…and
be good guys. But there is a point where it becomes leaning. When you start
doing too much. And the other person starts disrespecting you. Don’t continue
giving, giving and giving. You can be nice and courteous, but don’t do it to
the point where you start to lean psychologically (DD).
- I found out that what she was thinking was irrelevant. In fact, breaking her
train of thought was the ticket to getting better results. Only a guy who was
trying to please her, in advance of her proving her worth, would want to know
what she was thinking. In point of fact, she needs to figure out what you are
thinking.
Any guy who develops the communication and attitudinal skills that Pick Up
Artists master become the prize to be sought. An AFC suffers from the Romantic
Fallacy that he has to provide something of value to be desired by women. A PUA
demonstrates value, without 'providing' anything in advance. The way he moves
through the world sends a message that this guy is "the goods". (Vince Runza)
- More info DYD CD 10.3 – the wuss cure
2. Acting nicer than usual and trying to get noticed. To make people
comfortable you must not get all over them. Instead give them a lot of space.
3. Start giving them things right away.
4. Giving more than necessary when you give something. There should not be some
kind of bonus.
5. Scoping every single girl on your path.
- NOT LOOKING AROUND. I am big on this one. I say it all the time to everyone I
go out with. "Stop looking at them! Don’t stand there and scope the room! You
are fucking it up for me with your uncoolness. You have to have your own shit
going on!" The 3 second rule is worth sticking to. (Toecutter) (it also relates
to the attitude: I’m not impressed, I live in my reality, I keep my power for
me.)
6. Constantly looking around to figure out what you should be doing, thinking
and believing. Instead, have your own life going on and don’t depend on others.
7. Always trying to make lots of future plans with the girl even if you don’t
know her much.
8. Trying to control people. Insecure people try to control people because it
is a quick way to revalidate themselves. They need to see if they still have an
impact on others so they can feel important again. - SB
9. Assuming way too much rapport (or intimacy) too soon. A LITTLE assumption of
rapport is a great thing, too much is bad. Quitesomebody
10. Seeing her friends as threats. When you don’t see other people as threats
it implies that you are so secure about yourself and your capability that you
don’t care if someone talks to her. You don’t need to amog everybody but you do
it only when it is appropriate and they deserve it. (They usually deserve it
when they give you second class behaviour.) –SB
11. Not afraid that other guys talk to your chick. Again, it implies that you
are so secure about yourself and your capability that you don’t care if someone
talks to her. However, if you suspect her getting attracted to another guy, she
is playing with fire and may lose you if you don’t accept this kind of
behaviour. Don’t blame the other guy; she does not belong to you. She is
responsible of her own actions and she decided to stay with the other guy. No
need to show drama. Keep your cool but don’t accept her behaviour. You are the
prize and you can disqualify her. Your value will rise at the end. SB
12. Getting jealous or angry if she talks with others or you suspect her
leaving.
13. Always afraid and looking for signs that you are less friendly or maybe
leaving. Ex.: anticipating and looking for shit tests, cockblocks, and other
potential problems – ijji.
14. Looking for a sign that she wants you (Looking for acceptance). Instead of
assuming acceptance.
15. Trying to impress her with bragging or by pleasing her.
- Alpha male never brag or even remotely explain things... they don't say "I'm
tired right now", or "I'm really hung over", or "My good clothes are at home",
or "I used to be able to lift that weight, but I haven't been in the gym for a
while.", or "I could do that, but I'm having a bad day." Similarly, they don't
talk excessively about all the chicks they've laid, or all their girlfriends,
or all their success. WHY? Because they don't even GIVE A FUCK enough about you
to even tell you about it. TD
- Alpha males don't talk too much, because that is qualifying yourself. So how
do we run a good PU? One way to get over this hump is to just go and make
statements, run routines, etc, in a way that conveys that you're just in the
mood to TALK, and it has NOTHING to do with impressing them. TD
- Offering too much about yourself too early.
- Offering the cube, magic or photo too early TD
- Don’t show off.
- There is no need to impress, instead assume other people are into you.
16. Taking too many sentences to state an idea that could stated in less space.
(trying to impress her)
17. Replying with overly thought out of logical answers or overly clear/formal
pronunciation – TD
18. Chasing her if she turns her back on you.
19. Following her around for no apparent reason instead of taking the lead.
20. Seeking the attention of other people. You do things to get noticed.
21. Being afraid to show your sexual desire. You think she will reject you if
you do it because you don’t want to lose her acceptance. Never make excuses for
your desires as a man. It is important to be a sexual guy, but don’t come off
as a horny/desperate guy.
22. Thinking stuff like "I really want this person to become my GF. What shall
I do to make it happen? What to do? I need to be really nice and do X, Y and Z…
and I need to call and get the person to meet me". Do you ever find yourself in
that frame? This type of thinking makes pickup impossible, because it puts you
in a needy frame. No matter how good you think you are at acting cool, there is
no way you can hide this 'desperate loser taint' from a girl. – ijjjji
23. Don’t be a try hard. A confident person ASSUMES that other people will like
him, without having to try so hard. A confident person takes his time. He knows
that the only person he can control is himself; others, he can only influence.
– Quitesomebody
24. If you are not looking for the approval of anybody, you are willing to take
risks and go against the current beliefs and way of thinking. You are not
afraid to fail and accept failure as a useful tool in your learning - SB.
25. If you hurt someone and you apologized sincerely because you know you were
guilty, don’t over-apologize. Over-apologizing is needy. - SB
26. Trying to find something to reply to everything she says. Don’t adopt the
frame where you have to react to everything she throws at you. You give way too
much importance to what she thinks or says. It can be easily interpreted as you
trying to get her attention or recognition.
27. Keeping asking her questions while she does not give you attention or
interest. Also, if you keep going with rapport while you have little or no
return is needy.
28. Talking with a woman who does not give you any positive feedback after
awhile
29. When somebody does not believe what you say, don’t over-explain yourself.
IOW don’t try to convince them with persistence because it can appear as you
want them to believe you, and you put a lot of importance on what they think
about you. SB
30. Don’t compromise often and quickly. People who compromise usually seek
appreciation, approval or acceptance. You can compromise but only on occasion
and as a reward because she was nice with you. It is also good to fit one or
some conditions when you compromise as a way of keeping control - SB.
31. Talking to chicks in an uncomfortable position.
- TD: SIT with the chick ASAP. GET COMFORTABLE IN THE SET. Girls can tell
instantly when you're being an entertainment monkey. If the set is seated, do
not bend over and try to get their attention. STAND UP STRAIGHT, say the first
sentence of your opener and then 30-second false time constrain, sit and
IMMEDIATELY jump into one of the opener or more material (…) Get her on the
couch, or SOMEWHERE COMFY that you can work. Take over the set, don't be a
loser who stands there in the middle of the club, too afraid to take charge and
move the pickup somewhere comfy.
- SB: it can appear as you try to gain her acceptance.
32. You never want to try to overcompensate for your shortcomings or
insecurities – TD
33. You never, ever want to make an excuse for anything. TD (Try to be nice,
try to gain her approval)
34. Don't linger too long when you want to leave.
35. Don’t be frantic to talk to people and anxious to establish rapport.
36. Be somewhat selfish.
37. You don’t wait for the approval of your group to take a decision but don’t
hurry to take a decision.
38. Don’t accept all her offers.
39. Don’t get all over them.
40. Don’t turn your head eagerly when you are addressed.
41. Always answering questions quickly
42. Too eager to pay attention, saying –what? – if you cannot hear her, prior
to being in rapport.
43. Talking too fast. – As if you think you won’t have enough time to tell her
everything you want to tell her – TD (trying to get her acceptance)
44. Laughing at your own jokes to get her approval - TD
45. Saying ˝right˝ or ˝you know˝ after your own statements
(nervousness and acceptance)
46. Going back to a prior thread that was interrupted at the first break in
conversation. That means you put a lot of importance on the conversation.
47. Don’t nod the head too frequently or say yes constantly. (try to get her
acceptance or approval)
48. Avoid leaning in or pecking when you are in a loud environment. Otherwise,
you will appear as trying to get her acceptation. So keep your back straight,
and speak louder. Move your body without leaning, or deliberately miss what she
is saying. In the later, you will have a good excuse to do a mini take away in
a quieter place.
49. Not being needy includes also the following 3 attitudes. They are explained
only briefly because they contain a lot of specific information.
1) I’m comfortable with my own views and I am not affected by the judgments of
others.
If you are affected by the judgement of others it is because their
opinion about you counts a lot. You value their approval, acceptance or
appreciation. It also shows you don’t have your own shit going on. SB
2) I don’t accept disrespect, drama, whining or excuses (aka second class
behaviour)
If you put out with second class behaviour, it is because you don’t
want to make anybody mad and try to keep peace. You don’t want to lose
friendship. You want to keep acceptance or appreciation even if it is at your
expense. SB
3) I can control myself and wait – I can delay gratification.
If you cannot delay gratification it shows that your need was so big
and urgent and that it can not wait to be fulfilled. SB
CONSEQUENCE OF NEEDINESS ON OTHER PEOPLE. What kind of cues should we look for?
As you have already seen before, neediness pushes things away from you.
In summary:
- It makes other feel uncomfortable.
- They resent the way you are laying on them and will react by denying you.
- Your insecurities remind them their own insecurities and they don’t like
that.
- Animosity builds.
- It grabs their energy and overcrowds them because they have to buy in your
needs and emotions whereas they prefer to concentrate on their own.
- They often react negatively even if they don’t say so.
- They feel they can take advantage of you emotionally, financially or
sexually.
- They make you wind up paying more.
- They will feel empowered to use you, disapprove you or discredit you in some
way.
- You come off desperate.
- Desperation bugs them and they eventually toss this person out.
- Their desire lessens or dissipates completely.
- It weakens you and pushes things away from you. People close up.
- You demonstrate lesser value.
Sometimes the effects of neediness are none or subtle. Some other times, it is
the opposite. It all depends on the situation, who was the other person and how
you came across.
An example:
Question: Many times when I shown my true interest in chicks they began to
behave like SHBs. Even one UG that I was 'teasing', began to play an SHB when I
gave her little more attention than usual.
Answer: If you've got UGs acting like SHBs then something has gone badly wrong.
In effect, it means that they perceive themselves has having higher value than
you. In other words, you may have appeared very needy to them, and they think
they have power over you – Quitesomebody.
ARE THERE SOME CIRCUMSTANCES WHERE WE CAN BE NEEDY? IF SO WHEN? WHAT CAN WE DO
IF WE HAVE JUST BEEN NEEDY? (To be completed another time)
ADVANCED TECHNIQUES (To be completed another time)
- When you open a set, just talk and don't try to get rapport, or say things
that could be interpreted as qualifying yourself. I don't go for rapport with
her, until she goes for it with me, and then I initially tease her that I won't
reciprocate this intention ("guess", C&F answers, etc), for the first minute,
until I do give it to her. Don’t ask questions to the chick, don't ask her
name, or where she works, or anything until she starts asking YOU. TD
- For some chicks a great way to do this is jerk routines, which are negs
because you are saying that you don't want them, so they interpret that as not
qualifying yourself, which makes them perceive you as alpha, which attracts
them to you. TD
- Don’t face her body directly towards her before she earned it. TD
- Ironically, the way to get her approval is to not need it in the first place
– and make SURE that she is aware of this fact (by mentioning it subtlety,
dealing with her tests correctly, and most importantly, MAKING HER WORK FOR
YOUR ATTENTION AND APPROVAL. If a woman is working to get your approval, she is
far less likely to be picky about you or your behaviours. Don’t use this info
to be abusive but keep in mind that the higher your standards are, she is far
less likely to be picky about you or your behaviours. DD
HOW TO REMOVE NEEDINESS? How to internalise a non-needy attitude?
- First you have to believe that being needy push things away from you. You
have to see it yourself in real life with your own eyes and to learn to pay
attention to its effects on people. We pointed out a few here but go interact
with people and notice it on your own. This step will convince you and help to
install the belief in you. You must believe and be able to recognise needy
behaviours (see paragraph: How Can We Know Whether a Behaviour Is Needy or Not)
and their effects before trying to change yourself. - SB
- Then, recognize your own needy behaviour. Become self-conscious about them.
You can write them on a sheet of paper and try to find them all. You may even
carry a pen and a piece of paper to write them as the day passes by. Each time
you do a needy behaviour try to find out why you were doing it. You may have to
ask yourself several why questions in a row. Spot your conflicting and limiting
beliefs. Then find a new appropriate behaviour and start a new habit. Michael
Hall: There is no need to fight old habits. It is the resisting of an old habit
that puts you into that trench. Instead you freshly observe your responses now.
Take interest in it, discover its range. Observe without interfering. Otherwise
we get into a negative downward spiralling loop. This occurs when we turn our
thoughts and feelings against ourselves, which we do with rejection, disowning,
judgment, etc.
More tools to remove neediness
- Be grateful about all the things you have or experiencing right now. Consider
yourself lucky everyday to be in a rich country. Be grateful about all the good
things happening to you and forget the bad things. You will keep a positive
attitude toward live and remove the bad feelings that can lead to neediness. SB
- Remember you have inherent value – SB
- Learn to love yourself and realise your own value without the need of
somebody else telling you. SB
- No girls -> Neediness -> Bad vibe
… Find a way to break the link between "no girl" and "neediness". You need to
come from the frame that you are perfectly ok WITHOUT a girl. You don’t look at
girls like the key to a happy life - believe me, they are not! You see girls
more as entertainment and less as potential girl friends. Remove girls (sex
with girls) from the platform/foundation you build your happiness on. When you
are happy no matter what, you are ready to meet girls on LEVEL TERMS. From that
moment PU will be fun and rewarding instead of frustrating. You will still have
a way to go, but you can’t start walking until you fix this. Be happy with who
you are *without* a partner. That's the Secret of Life. – ijjji
- Don’t make women central in your life. Ijjji: Take classes and learn new
things, meet new people. Go read an interesting book in a sidewalk café, etc.
- You should be the most appealing and interesting person you know, and if
you aren’t, work on becoming that – Kermit.
- Part of not being needy includes taking responsibility for yourself and not
relying on others. You may use knowledge from other people to give you some
perspective in a particular area and attain a goal quicker. You can even ask
for their help but it should not become compensation for your lack of
confidence. Somehow you deeply know that you can attain that goal by yourself
and others are only helpful hands you. You should be making the choices in your
life and when you make them don't ask if it was the right one. Be confident
about your choices, rely on yourself and control your life. Give yourself
permission to be wrong. – SB
- I feel my life is fulfilling and I don’t absolutely need her to be happy.
What does it take for you in order to feel happy or satisfied other than having
a woman? - SB
- I am INTERNALLY centered, not EXTERNALLY centered. Most people intuitively
associate people who are INTERNALLY CENTERED with SUCCESS. TD
- I am self-validating and don't actually need a single girl that I can rely on
and lean on. (Toecutter)
- Never forget how many HBs you have in your city. (Even when sarging SHB.)
Scan their personality. When you see only looks you will be 100% into them. But
when you seek flaws in their personality you will be less needy. – Jettiger
- I don't need to win all the time; I size up a woman's potential and either go
for it or move on and cut my losses FAST. Sometimes the best choice is just to
say, "adios" and move on. When you realize that you don't have to win all the
time, then it takes the pressure off and you become much more relaxed.
Ironically, and paradoxically, this almost always leads to your winning far
more often than you ever imagined possible!!!! DD Give you permission to fail.
SB
- There is plenty of women around. It is not about getting the one but about
getting the skill. DD
- There are millions and billions of women out there. Do not worry about a
particular woman is not interested in you, move on to the next. Often the
reason why you’ll want this particular girl is because she doesn’t want you.
She set the right frame on you. Don’t be too attached about what you are doing.
Never attach excess meaning on being accepted or rejected.
- Get out of the scarcity mentality where you have to get this particular girl.
This mentality where you say: there must be a way to get this girl. There are
more women of your type out there than you could possibly meet in your life. It
is not getting the one but getting the skill. DD
- Needy people don’t have the willingness to walk away at any time because they
are too attached to the outcome.
- Where there is reverence there is fear of loss. Have the willingness to walk
away.
- Don't even worry about these people thinking you're a cool guy. Just relax,
be the cool guy you know you are, and they'll figure it out on their own. –
BiggieMacks
- Assume everybody approve you on every single action.
- You stop seeking approval when you genuinely don't NEED approval anymore. It
can't be faked, its an internal thing you need to get handled. Everyone is
different. Ask yourself: why do I seek approval? What is it that makes me need
approval from others? Dig deep. Think about it. Once you know WHY then figure
out what would make that go away, Then work at it. – Lifestyles69
- Don’t try to fit in with other people. Assume their acceptance.
- Banish thoughts of what people think about you, GOOD OR BAD as soon as you
recognize them… I simply do not care if people thought I was cool or not...I am
even slightly dismissive when people give me compliments. Sort of like "cool,
thanks {move on to more interesting discussion}" – Intuit. This is how you will
be valued. It shows you have more going on in your life.
- Ijjjji - The moment you see a girl you like, you decide to interact with her
and go with the flow of the moment, without thinking too much. Stuff that does
not happen between during the interaction can not be created later through
clever planning. Thinking about it is bad for you and takes the PU from 'hard'
to 'impossible'.
- Being non-needy is a feeling of contentment.
- Lastly, it is not enough to think these things, but to take actions based on
these beliefs – Kermit.
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