mASF post by "Dimitri"
posted on: mASF forum: Advanced Discussion, August 8, 2004From what I read on here, I think there's lots of guys that are very competent
in different areas of pickup, but aren't getting the results they want: Lays,
mLTR partners, girlfriends, or other kinds of relationships.
I see it, and see why they're frustrated. I can identify, because there's
periods that I've gone through of being far more theoretically knowledgeable
than my ability to put it into practice (in fact, it's arguable that I still
am... but my "putting it into practice" ain't so bad these days), and there's
plenty of times that my execution was A+ through 90% of the pickup, but I
couldn't convert.
Well, if this is happening for you, here's the two questions should be asking:
-Why is this?
and
-What can I do about it?
I've pinned down a big part of the "why": Pickup is a skillSET, not a skill.
You can't be good at "doing pickup"... you can be good at all the little things
that make up a pickup artistthen get your ass out there.
The list of skills that go into an overall pickup are variable from situation
to situation and person to person. Even the common skills that go into most
pickups are far too numerous to list.
But there definitely are some basic skills that can be touched upon. I've found
that a number of skills are universally useful: Confidence, self-esteem,
happiness, ability to have fun, open-mindedness, willingness to learn, et
cetra.
There's five... how many more are there? *Millions*. Eye contact, body
language, style, calibration, perception, subtlety, language usage, presence,
tonality, stride, nonchalance, logic, reflexes, strength...
Millions more. Literally.
Not all of those will be consciously used every time (and sometimes, not used
at all). Most of the time, you won't be consciously trying to do most of it,
actually... but there are a good bunch of skills that are almost necessary to
have a base proficiency in, and useful to almost any degree beyond that.
There's also a bunch of skills that a pickup artistcan use to help in pickup,
that aren't necessarily required for any specific interaction: Dancing,
driving, singing, writing... any skill, actually, could conceivably be used.
Alright, so where am I going with this?
No matter how good you are at certain aspects of pickup (and everyone will be
more or less naturally inclined to different parts of it), being inept at
certain skills at certain times will make the whole thing fall apart.
I remember reading a post recently (Madbad, maybe?) about guys that'd watch
expert PUA's open and get directed in it until they got it down. They'd become
"opening guru's" themselves, able to open and hang in set for a while... but
then they could never bring it the rest of the way.
I've also read about guys that weren't doing so well, but then got some very
basic instruction (maybe GWM or some other, similar fundamental plan), and
instantly went out and turned lays.
Why?
In the first case, "opening gurus", these guys have at least one part of the
skillset down: Opening.
In the second case, guys that were struggling, but then break through, it's
because they were lacking one or more fundamental skills, and basic proficiency
in that area completed the package.
You can have mastered many skills that go into pickup, but not be able to get
what you want.
The fact is, it's more important to have a base proficiency in the essential
pickup skills than it is to be mastered in half of them... a guy that's got
base proficiency in all the essentials, whether he's conscious of it or not,
will be "cool" and "not weird" throughout his interactions with girls... it'll
flow, and he'll excel where he'd naturally excel, and he'll lay girls.
If, on the other hand, a guy is completely terrible at a specific skill, he
might never get results. If he routinely fucks up logistics, for example, no
matter how much the girl wanted him or how connected she felt, he'll have a
hard time pulling.
Woodhaven: I met this guy through the community, and we've become friends. He's
already excellent, and his growth has been amazing in a short time.
It was really interesting watching what he did. He's got some amazing thoughts,
but watching him in action, you'd think he's pretty average.
I mean, he doesn't do anything crazy... glorious... as far as pickup goes,
nothing incredibly memorable...
But the guy turns lays like crazy, has seven Asian girlfriends, has women
fighting for him and clamoring for his attention and buying him lots of
stuff...
See, he's good in some areas, great in some actually, but more than that...
he's PROFICIENT in everything. It's not weird at all, and he doesn't fuck vibes
up (from what I can tell, I don't get to see his "3 seconds after fucking vibe"
myself...)
Really, though, that's all you need: Solid enough in all the critical areas to
not give off a weird vibe. Good enough at connecting and vibing that she'll
want you, then good enough at logistics and analytical thinking to make it
happen. Oh, and then persistence and a thick skin.
With me so far? Now, HERE is where I think it gets overcomplicated sometimes.
At THIS point is where a lot of guys come up with ridiculous terms for
ridiculous concepts and people go, "What... the fuck?"
I think roughly 70% of the primary skillset issues will sort themselves out if
you get the base "you stuff" straightened out. Start to genuinely like
yourself, embrace who you are, start living your life to the fullest. Act with
confidence and be decisive. Accept your shortcomings and start trying to fix
them. Start having fun.
Once you're doing those things, most of this shit will sort itself out. If you
really like yourself, you won't have to focus on bodylanguage to achieve a base
proficiency: It'll happen.
But what happens if you're not getting results?
LOTS, and LOTS of problems come from here.
A guy doesn't get results, so he abandons whatever he was doing and he tries a
new method or commercial product. He gets a quick results boost from that
product, but then his growth stagnates and oftentimes, quickly recesses.
I've pinned down a huge part of this: The guy's entire SKILLSET isn't fucked,
just a few of his skills are. When he goes to a new camp, some of his
"problems" get fixed... but since most methods, free or commercial, are
somewhat enveloping and dogmatic, the method insists he do things the way it
tells him to.
So, he fixes his problems quickly, but then he starts breaking the stuff that
already worked for him. Guys coming into pickup read some silly ass fucking
rules we've got written on the FS101 main page and start breaking natural parts
of themselves that are actually pretty good... at the very least, "passable" in
that area.
They start practicing non-supplication (good), start being persistent
(good!!!), and they start... getting angry when she flakes (!!!!??????)
Okay, Dimitri, we know you're going to take over the world someday, enough with
the melodrama. What do you propose, oh swashbuckling pick-up artist-Here's what I propose, guys:
Stop thinking of "your game" as broken. Instead, identify your strong points,
and take pride in them. Hold your head up high, and KNOW you can do some great
things in those areas. It doesn't matter if you're a heart surgeon, whatever
you do well, start realizing you're damn good at it and taking pride in it.
Now, if you haven't already, identify your best pickup skills. Think it over
really quickly with your eyes closed, pick out a few good things, and give
yourself a silent nod of approval.
Still with me?
If they need work, handle your internals. You need to be confident, you need to
like yourself, and you need to have fun socializing. There's other stuff, but
this is irrefutable: Those three things, everyone needs to succeed in any
social endeavor.
Now, the meat and potatoes:
When you don't succeed, try to identify what the problem was. Don't focus on it
too much, or dwell on it negatively, but just objectively, analytically get an
idea where things went wrong.
After that, start trying new solutions and acting in different ways in that
area. Try related areas, and things that happened around that time frame. If
you don't have any good idea where to start on that, search a few solid guys
who you've had results with in the past.
And realize, throughout this whole process, that you're getting better ALL the
time you're getting out there. When I met Woodhaven, he was *so* good, but he
had no fucking clue he was as good as he was (he still doesn't know how good he
is, but he's starting to get it).
Seriously, the guy had minor flaws in a couple fundamental areas, and as soon
as he corrected them, the floodgates were motherfuckin' opened. That's why any
commercial camp gets the fanatical testimonials they do: Yes, what they do CAN
be amazing, but really, they correct a few things and they guy's natural
ability pours out.
The bad news is, no written or online material, nor personal instruction, could
cover the entire pickup skillset. The good news is... you've probably already
got a base proficiency in more than half of it. When you hammer out the
SPECIFIC areas you're getting hung up, the results will come.
Let me wrap this up all nice and purty:
Pickup is a skillset, not an individual skill. In that skillset, there's
bazillions of skills that can be potentially used, and some that are almost
universally used.
Most people have a base proficiency in most of that skillset... but being
flawed in just a few areas can hold back results.
Of the primary skills, the three that EVERYONE completely *UNDENIABLY* need are
confidence, self-esteem, and the ability to have fun socializing and in
general.
After those primary three are attained, many of the skills that were malaligned
before will also fall into place, but...
...if you're still not getting the results you want, realize that you ARE good,
you just have VERY SMALL things that you can work out to get better.
Figure out what those problems are, and start testing different ways of doing
those things. Stay open-minded and try anything until you find something that
works.
Beyond that, it's just persist, persist, persist. I still haven't met everyone,
but 90% of the good community guys I've met have something in common: They get
out there and socialize a helluva lot.
S'it. Really. Get the essentials down, isolate and fix small problems, persist.
Stay confident in yourself and take enjoyment out of the process. Good luck.
Grandmaster Dimitri, Swash-Buckling Pick-Up Artist-
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