mASF post by "TylerDurden"
posted on: mASF forum: General Discussion newsgroup, October 10, 2003I just posted a reply on the scene and its purpose, and it got me thinking
about the obstacles that we have to overcome in order to become "pickup
artists".
To me, one of the biggest obstacles has been eradicating alot of the negative
mannerisms that I picked up from my father.
My father was a really hard worker, and had alot going for him. He was a
natural leader who got to the front of every activity he involved himself in -
from being the top at his business to the captain of all his sports teams.
But at the same time, he was extremely uptight and not emotionally engaging
whatsoever. He was also extremely tense and had no idea how to relax without
alcohol. All he ever wanted to talk about was solving problems and telling
people what to do. He was extremely physically intimidating and would get out
of hand when he lost his temper, which was always due to him feeling that he
wasn't respected or appreciated in one way or another. He was usually grumpy,
even when he wasn't raging. He also made himself extremely useful, as a way
of compensating for his lack of social intelligence. He always kept my mother
in a position where she LOGICALLY NEEDED him. Of course he also had his good
moments, like anyone else, and those were pretty cool. He did his BEST, but he
just didn't have the fundamentals that he needed to chill the fuck out, and he
couldn't control himself.
I remember when my mother was first trying to divorce him, he learned to build
violins from scratch (my mother is a violin teacher), and built her three of
them. Then he'd threaten her with what she'd lose financially if she left.
For anyone who recalls the "Social Intelligence - Vibing" post that I wrote a
month back, that's in large part what I was addressing.
I've had to try to eradicate alot of my father's uptight mannerisms, that I
catch myself in all the time. They are very anti-seducer in nature. If you
read Robert Greene's "Art of Seduction", I recall that he has a list of
anti-seducer qualities.
Because he was overbearing, my father injected alot of insecurities into my
unconscious mind.
To me, insecurities are always detectable in people. I find that I've learned
to really key into them.
And some people suffer more than others. You can see guys who were raised
really poorly, who have the most absolutely fucked up social skills.
I remember watching an episode of "The Sopranos", where Tony's
chick-psychiatrist Dr. Melfie was explaining to him that people are comfortable
in what's FAMILIAR. They are comfortable in their most familiar state, and if
they grew up in environments that were fucked up, they'd maintain it by taking
actions that would result in the same emotional states that they grew up in.
Right now I'm seeing a smoking hot sort of trailer-trash type girl. She's a
cool person (actually she's exciting to a point that' its kinky), but I think
that she grew up in an environment where the love and caring was preceded by
arguing and fighting. So this girl has a tendency to cause drama and get in
brawls as a way of getting what she needs emotionally, because unconsciously
she's recognized a pattern that says "get in fights so there will be love
afterwards"..
Alot of guys in the community, likewise, have so many internalized anti-seducer
mannerisms that are a result of issues in their "inner-game". And the girls
can pick up on their little twitches and idiosyncracies, and the hottest girls
are turned off by it (depending on the context of course, and there are many
counter examples).
These are the guys who will need around 3-4 years in the field, 4 days a week,
in order to get to a really strong level. The reason being, is that the first
year will just be learning to act NORMAL. The second year will be learning to
COOL. The third year will be learning to actually believe that the way that
people are treating them is something that they DESERVE. And from there, they
can start to reap the rewards.
It's about learning to QUIET YOUR MIND.
You get to a point where you don't have all of these voices going off in your
head anymore. You literally don't care what people think of you, and you
aren't analyzing the environments and situations around you, because you don't
care. You don't feel like you're being judged negatively, and you know that
even if you are, you have hot girls that think otherwise and you have guys who
admire you for that.
I've met up with a lot of guys now. Many of these guys have been in therapy
and tried doing things from the armchair to fix their game. Really though,
they don't have much in terms of results.
But the funny thing is, I've found again and again that the solution is in the
FIELD for 99% of guys.
Like there's so many guys who tried to fix themselves for years. But they were
still so fucked up. Then they get into the field for 3 months, and you see
them 3 months later and they're like DIFFERENT PEOPLE. It's like you can
barely recognize the person you met 3 months ago.
Anyway, that brings me back to the point about my father. He injected so much
insecurity into my thought process. I was so antsy and uptight.
I'm still that way to an extent, and I still shift into "dad mode" where I try
to take over fix everything. But I've learned to curb it drastically, and to
change my thinking so that I don't even have the desire to behave that way,
because the insecurities that caused it are no longer there.
Hopefully I can retain the GOOD things that I learned from my father, which I
think I have - hopefully to some extent anyway.
-TD
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