mASF post by "Vince"
posted on: mASF forum: General Discussion newsgroup, September 9, 2004As you become familiar with the tactics and strategy of getting intimate
with women, the subject of appearance, clothing, scent, etc. will
undoubtedly occur to you. However, until you get your head screwed on
straight, dressing like a rock star, smelling like the next trendy
fragrance, or having perfect hair will avail you naught. Not only that, it
won't matter shit, neither. The same goes for pickup linesflashy cars,
tons of money and all the other surface stuff that AFC's think is just
killer stuff to have when hunting the wild, full-breasted mattress
thrasher.
Make no mistake: peacocking , canned material, clever games and such are
used by the best of the best, and very successfully. The difference is,
they have already mastered the basic mental and emotional skills that allow
them to use these props with panache. "The right means in the wrong hands
works the wrong way."
The first thing you have to realize is that you don't know, in advance,
what a given woman will like in a guy. That is, the cute little blonde
cheerleader with the boobs you just met may only date black guys. Or the
statuesque brunette you just spotted may have already decided YOU are just
her type, despite the fact that her expression communicates boredom and
annoyance. Never assume, because you can make an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
By the way, if you are black and in the Scranton area, I'll gladly
introduce you to the cute blonde cheerleader with the boobs. No, really!
The first thing you have to realize about yourself is that most of what you
assume you know about women is either wrong, mistaken or based on negative
emotional experiences. If you've been repeatedly rejected by HB's, I'll
wager you have preconceptions about them that are flat fucking wrong. No,
you are not the type of guy who can't have a 10. No, she is not necessarily
shallow, stupid and self absorbed because she's drop dead gorgeous. Just
because ONE beautiful woman rejected you out of hand does not mean ALL of
them will.
I don't care what your excuse is; too short, too ugly, too poor, too
handicapped, and too stupid. It really doesn't matter if you're willing to
look past whatever you think is a shortcoming. I can say this with
confidence because there are splendid examples of great women who already
do. While it may not be the usual thing for you to see, I know you can
think of at least one example of a seriously good looking woman who hooked
up with a guy who was ridiculous. You know, the sort of guy who made you
feel YOU would be a better choice for her than him.
Life isn't fair - so take advantage of it! If you're waiting for someone
else to even out the odds for you, you will wait in vain. The first step to
take in improving your odds is accepting that what turns on a woman is in
her mental/emotional being, not her eyes. Sure, chicks like cute guys, but
they fall for Romantic Heroes. They fall for guys who stir feelings in them
that are powerful, overwhelming, oceanic, greater than self. In short, they
fall for adventurous, arrogant, cynical, domineering bad boys, who carry a
scent of danger about them (thanx and a tip of the hat to Major Mark
Cunningham for his description of the Romantic Hero).
Now, if you are a nerd with greasy hair, a pocket protector and bruises
from a recent drubbing you received from a bully, take heart. It only takes
a few changes in yourself to change your persona into a guy who's "Mad, bad
and dangerous to know." Seek out adventure. Try parachuting, bungee
jumping. Buy a motorcycle. Do that which frightens you, and learn that the
fear was in the anticipation, not the doing. Now, I counsel you to use
common sense. Avoid confronting 6'4" carjackers with a psychotic streak
(unless you absolutely have to). Stand up for yourself, even if it means
you have to go against the common wisdom and defy your peer group. Learn to
ask for what you really want. In fact, observe people who seem to always
get what they really want.
Learn how to deal with rejection. Just because someone says, "No", does not
mean you cannot proceed to persuade him or her to say, "Yes." In fact, this
skill can mean the difference between settling for second best and earning
first place. Here's a little hint from those who are accustomed to repeated
rejection: telemarketers.
1. Agree
2. Change subject
3. Sell benefits
4. Close
Example:
He: Wanna dance?
She: Not with you.
He: (1) I understand. (2) You've probably given up on meeting Mr. Right
tonight. (3) A dance can be comforting, you know, especially if your
partner makes you look good on the dance floor. (4) Feel free to change
your mind [holds out his hand]. Join me [smile].
Even the best PUA finds himself experience a momentary lapse of confidence,
google, state or whatever you call being the cool guy. It may be lack of
sleep; too much greasy pizza; red, red wine; she's too hot or whatever.
Nevertheless, there he is, suddenly out of his element. He may not show it
(the best ones don't), but he's lost it. The Brits call it "losing your
bottle".
As you get better at what you do, you'll attempt things you'd never have
attempted when you were unskilled. This means you'll probably get in over
your head, compared to what you used to be able to handle. Here's where
state management saves you from reverting to your old self ("I'm not
worthy!!!")
First of all, you absolutely ARE worthy. She's only human. Even if you have
to keep repeating it to yourself, she IS only human. You may be her first
chance to be with a guy who won't fold under the pressure of her
"wonderfulness". She's in luck. You're around.
You need to apply some rules to yourself that may not be ABSOLUTELY true,
in the sense of other people's perceptions of you. Fuck them. You are the
best possible choice any woman you choose could make. Think about that.
First, it's your choice as to whether she gets to be with you. Can you
think of a time when a woman forced her attentions on you against your
will, who was NOT your arresting officer or your mother, insisting you
clean your room?! Therefore, if you don't choose her, she hasn't a prayer
in the world of being with you.
Can you think of a time when a certain person wanted desperately to have
your attention, but you were, at best, indifferent to his or her need? I'll
bet you felt free to fuck with them, knowing you could not drive them away
by being a ballbuster. That's one kind of state you need to be able to
recall at will. Whether you use NLP anchoring, operant conditioning,
Pavlovian response or simply picture that person in your mind, practice
recalling that feeling.
Now go out in the field and find some HB's that would normally break your
state of relaxed confidence. Recall that feeling. Approach said HB's and
bust on them. Get used to believing that you can get back that state of
mind and feeling at will.
Now, perhaps you are already skilled, yet you still lose your "bottle"
every once in a while. This is where you need to have preset methods of
dealing with the temporary state of less-than-confidence. There are methods
suggested by the material published by seduction experts and trainers, and
I suggest you familiarize yourself with them. My personal method is to
stop, assume my moody look of an adventurer who is remembering something
from his haunted past, stare into the distance (the 1,000 yard stare), then
reacquire the target with a burning glance. Whatever you do, it must become
a habit so that she doesn't catch you with a look of uncertainty in your
eyes.
Another point to cover is that the more attractive she is, the more likely
it is that she is used to drawing other people into her reality. This can
be disconcerting if you are not typically dealing with elite women. I can
guarantee you; there are women out there who have NEVER encountered a man
they could not control. You may have the pleasure and privilege of
challenging her for the first time in your life. This will only happen if
you are prepared to do so.
The challenge for many of you will be dealing with a woman you formerly
considered out of your league. Remember that's only true if you allow her
to be. It may be a fact, however, that you have little experience dealing
with this caliber of a woman: .90 caliber, the sort of big-bore beauty that
shoots you dead from across the room. This is where synthetic experience
may help.
Your fieldwork will undoubtedly provide you with plenty of examples of the
manipulative tests women subject potential lovers to. However, it may not
just be the amount or intensity of the challenges you will face with the
SHB. She may have moves you don't even see until you are doing things you
had not planned on doing or are suddenly faced with a challenge new to you.
More important than any canned response or premeditated move you have will
be your willingness to actually walk away. If you even suspect she's trying
to put one over on you, tell her it's time for you to go. Then go.
Here is where State Management and behaviors intersect. You have to be able
to feel that ejecting is no big deal. Believe me, it will show in your
posture, your attitude and expression. While it may be 'factual' that you
won't have another opportunity to get with a goddess like this one any time
soon, nevertheless, you must feel that this little Drama Queen is history,
unless she shapes up in a hurry.
You might have to rehearse giving her the boot. No doubt, she has had to
shut down any number of guys at any level of intimacy, because she knew she
could always do better than the current bastard before her. Go thou and do
likewise. Imagine, in detail, telling her, "Gotta go now." "Too bad, you
were doing so well with me..." "I don't put up with that kind of
treatment." "I respect myself too well to allow you to continue with me."
More importantly, you have to feel less than upset. You're Michael Corleone
telling his sister, "If you go away with this man ... you'll disappoint
me." You are dealing with this like any other minor annoyance, and you'll
be over it as soon as you turn your back. You've stated your position and
moved on.
I can't emphasize strongly enough the need for every man to be a man when
it comes to shit tests, no matter who offers them. A man doesn't lose his
cool and start behaving like a child having a tantrum. Sure, he may growl,
bark or show anger, but he never loses control.
This part of State Management is more of a challenge for some than others.
If your most recent fistfight was grade school and you deal with people who
act out all the time, you're probably fine. If you tend to anger, have a
short fuse or otherwise deal with frustration by exploding, you must learn
how to cope without over-reacting. Remember that force of habit is the most
powerful force in the Universe. Freaking out is a habit. Do what you need
to do to break it.
Finally, I should share with you how I move through the world. I do so
generously. I even let some folks take advantage of my generosity,
sometimes. I always have time to smile at a child, play with a dog or laugh
for no reason. There may be times when I'm striding along, like a man with
a mission, but I am also busy noticing what and who is in my environment.
After all, it's MY reality, and I may be needed to tend to something
important to me. No game is so important to me that I ignore either the big
picture or the little things.
Hope this helps.
Vince
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