mASF post by "AlterEgo"
posted on: mASF forum: General Discussion newsgroup, May 5, 2004Basics: Approaching - Getting started...
Abstract:
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Recap of many things known to this board and even covered in TFM. This
document is supposed to be more extensive than what is already available and
should be up-to-date with the current common knowledge gained on this board
over the last few years.
Problem:
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Many readers here have a lot of PU knowledge, but don't use it in field.
Main reason is taking the hurdle to actually approach in the field. Reading
this board, people focus on PU and mid-game and take approaching for
granted. They conveniently ignore that their approaching skills suck. Fear
of approaching is one of the main reasons why people don't practice PU in
field and keep reading this board without results. This fear consists of:
- Fear of rejection
- Lack of experience
- Feeling unnatural doing approaches
Other readers who do have the courage to overcome this fear still get
themselves in trouble when they take approaching for granted. By focussing
too much on the PU, they fuck up their approaches and face many rejections
before they get solid game. They blame it on the PU stuff and take
suboptimal corrective actions. This unstructured way of learning PU is
inefficient.
Goal of this post:
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Provide a linear plan that helps you gain experience in approaching without
facing rejections in a way that sets you back. Following this plan, you get
a solid base to build further PU skills on. In addition, you'll learn to be
more social and talkative in general, non-PU-related situations. It is also
an interesting social experiment if you are interested in general social
interactions.
Fundamentals:
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TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME. Forget about PU for a while and focus only on
approaching and nothing but approaching. Without experience, trying to PU
while thinking about PU will fuck up the approach by definition. By
practicing the approach and experimenting with it, you will gain so much
experience that the approach will become natural and you do it without
thinking. With the approach on auto-pilot, you can focus on PU-related stuff
and not waste energy on other things. Approaching is so fundamental, that it
is worth the investment of time and putting the pure PU stuff on hold for as
long as necessary.
Approach everyone everywhere. Men, women, children and people of age, even
babies and animals will do ;). Focus on starting a conversation and keep it
rolling. Experiment with different sorts of material and witness reactions.
Consider it as experiments to learn from. Actively try to do
counterproductive things to learn from. It doesn't matter if you get
negative responses, you weren't trying to pick up this 47 years old man
anyway. You do get experience with conversational material. And you do have
situations to try body language modifications and other stuff. Later on,
without putting effort in it, you'll create many opportunities to experiment
with stuff like DHVs, 101s or whatever.
Really... forget about PU, do not think about it at all. Not even when you
accidentally approached an SHB. At this stage it is not important. Just keep
the convo rolling and become an expert at that. When you feel your
approaching and conversational skills are good enough, you'll have plenty of
opportunities to build on.
Material
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These are examples. Invent your own, use canned stuff and make up on the
fly. Monologues written here are not meant to be monologues. Mix them with
feedback in the convo. These examples are meant to get you going. As you
read them, you notice they are not very different from other openers on this
board. Only now you are reading them with the idea to use them to approach
ANYONE and keep conversations going. They do not need to be good as pickup
lines. Focussing on approach and not thinking about PU and clears your mind.
You can put all your energy in the approach and nothing but the approach.
That's the most efficient way to get good at it.
The examples here are field tested. They are good because they do not make
you seem needy, unless you are deliberately experimenting with acting needy.
You convey a positive attitude and come across as someone fun to hang out
with. If people do not respond to this, most likely it is not you, nor the
opener. They are just people with negative sides you don't want to hang out
with anyway. Recognizing that is also a positive thing.
Note: These are not all openers. Just use the pieces when you think they are
appropriate.
*** PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION ***
Opinion opener: random stuff everybody has some opinion about. For example
the recent rumour on David Beckham. Pick a newspaper and start talking about
what you just read. Later on, experiment with provocative opinions and see
what happens.
Comment on how people in your country don't talk to strangers in the train.
In other countries this is very common and people think it's odd you don't
do it. Find out if the passenger is interested in his/her surroundings and
has a view of his own on social dynamics.
Conduct an experiment: Are passengers on the 9am train more talkative than
people on the 8am train. Is there a difference between people who chose
their seat in the front of the train, the middle and the back? Tell
passengers about your experiment and ask for opinions. Talk about how some
people that approach strangers are annoying, while others - no matter how
insignificant - you remember for a long time. Ask about their past
experience with conversations with strangers. Everybody has stories about
this.
Ask: are you going to do anything fun today? Go from there.
Find out what is most important to become happy in your life. Ask for
opinions. Explain your own. Comment on neediness and insecurity. Propagate
diversion, learning new stuff and doing things that give satisfaction.
Ask about their views on their surroundings and other passengers. Comment on
the person sitting next to him/her with this person hearing you, but act as
if he/she is not there. See what happens.
Buy a foreign newspaper. Comment on how people are absorbed in their own
small world. Reading foreign media puts your life in perspective. Make them
qualify. Mention noteworthy stuff you read.
Ask people reading news papers if they are reading them out of interest or
because they are bored and have nothing else to do. Comment on their choice
of papers and build from there. Make them qualify.
Do cold reads. "Just a wild guess: you are a student on his/her way to
school. You study something that involves people. You still live at home
while you should be living on yourself by now. You have many friends, but
only a small number of them you consider real friends. You're in a
relationship for 2 years. You love him/her very much and couldn't possibly
separate because of that. On the other hand you have known him/her for such
a long time that you are getting used to it. You have the risk of taking
each other for granted. Bla bla bla. Am I correct? Oh, explain..."
"The trains here should be like the ones in Japan. In Japan the trains are
always on time. If they are as much as two minutes late, the driver risks
losing his job. The downside is they put too many people in a small cabin.
It's very crowded. But in a way that is also charming. Have you been in
Japan? The food there is great. I decided to try anything they cook as long
as it's not moving while it is on my plate. I had some strange things,
like..."
Pretend to be AFC, analyze responses: "I need your opinion. There's this
girl I like very much. Fact is, I've never talked to her. I meet her in the
lunch room once every week. She smiles at me. She is very pretty, and must
have at least 25 guys asking her for a date each day. I would like to
approach her and ask her for a date. Point is, when I like a girl, I always
fuck up the approach. On the other hand I have no trouble approaching random
girls at all. Just when I like her, thoughts keep crossing my mind, holding
me back. When I start talking to her, she must sense I want something from
her. That puts her in a position of power. As much as I hate it,
unconsciously I'll feel the need to qualify myself, which works
counterproductive. Not approaching also conveys insecurity and doesn't get
me anywhere. What do you think I should do?"
Pretend to be a player, rephrase something like "I need your opinion. I made
a huge mistake and planned two dates tonight, almost at the same time. One
girl I met last night doing XXX. Bladibla. The other I have known for a few
weeks now. I cannot cancel because YYY-excuse. On the other hand ZZZ-cool
thing I did. The only thing that can save me is a somewhat evil plan
involving XXX. To many people this sounds wrong, but you seem different and
not judgmental. What would you suggest? Nah, that's too sweet, I need an
evil plan..." Try to say this as if you are massively qualifying. Also try
to say it in a natural, convincing way.
*** SUPERMARKET ***
"I need your advice. I have XYZ-person/date/friend coming to eat with me
tonight. I have the habit of making food I have never made before and my
guest has never eaten before. In the past, I had the best results asking
random people for advice. I hoped you could give me some suggestions. Can
you remember a time when you cooked something very special?" Elaborate and
work from there.
"Do you know something good to eat with this (whatever is in your hands)?"
Make up a story about their suggestion and turn it down or ask them to teach
you how to make it.
"I'm cooking XYZ. Could you suggest wine for approx. 7 or 8 euros a bottle?"
Turn down French wine for being French. Elaborate.
Talk to mothers with babies. Tell them about yourself when you were a baby
as if you actually remember it.
Ask random questions about the content of people's basket. Show interest,
comment on it, pretend to be unintelligent, do anything and watch the
reaction.
*** OTHER SHOPS ***
"I need your advice. I am looking for a present for X-person with Y
description, but it cannot be Z-ridiculous object. Could you suggest..." Try
to take them with you on your shopping tour.
Try clothes on, pick up gadgets. Ask for opinions. Try to ask in a way that
leads to conversations.
Comment on stuff people are buying.
Find people who look as if they are trying to find the cheapest item and
tell them to go to XYZ ridiculous store that is not related to the current
shop. React as if they are retarded when they disagree.
*** MEETINGS ***
In small social circles, when you meet people you've never seen, claim you
know them from XYZ event they visited. When they don't remember you, accuse
them of having been drunk. Claim you have material to blackmail them, but
never tell what it is. If it works, play from there. If it doesn't work,
accuse them of being impolite for not remembering you even if they were
sober.
Same situation where someone introduces him/herself for example "Hi, I'm
Mary-Claire". Respond with "Are you THE Mary-Claire?" Watch the response and
play along. "Hihihi, I have heard SO MANY things about you..." "What, what,
tell me?" "Nah, that would be embarrassing. Don't worry, you can trust me
with this." Of course you have never actually heard about Mary-Claire. Play
with it.
*** CLUBS ***
"Have you seen my puppy? I lost him. He was going to drink from the toilet.
I saw you leaving the toilet earlier. You flushed him didn't you? OMG, you
flushed my puppy!!! How can you be so cruel? Don't you check the toilet for
puppydogs before you sit down, hasn't your mother taught you how to use a
toilet? You really did not flush him? I don't believe you if you don't help
me find my puppy here..." Try to bring her to the next set.
"I need someone to dance with me on stage. You should dance on stage." Go
dance with him/her or accuse him/her of being frightened. Work from there.
If you see someone on his/her own, looking around, trying to find his/her
friends, put your hand on his/her shoulder for a second and say with a
convincing voice "they are in the back, over there". Okay, not
conversational, but funny.
*** ANYWHERE ***
Talk to everybody, anywhere, anytime. It is a natural habit. The outcome
doesn't ever matter, because talking to random people is always fun.
Ask for opinions on anything. Places to go out, situations made up or real
situations.
Comment (somewhat negative, but still funny) on anything in a charming way.
Later on, try to push it, play with body language and see how people
respond.
Try any good opener on this board without the intent to PU, but with the
intent to see reactions. Use openers on guys. Try "best friends routine" on
guys or married couples. See what happens.
Optional: try to fuck up on purpose and see if you can handle negative
responses. (A game of crash and burn - sounds familiar?)
Next steps
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Once you have the approach down, do it naturally and do it all the time, you
have many opportunities to build further PU knowledge. You can add anything
posted on this board and see how reactions are. I suggest trying this
material also on other people than just HBs. You can learn a lot from
responses.
Start incorporating DHVs. Add routines to your toolkit. Experiment with
negs. Try to make people qualify themselves. Learn body language. Try
anything! Accomplish ridiculous but funny goals. It's a "game", remember?
With the experience, you can change your goal and set new challenges. Focus
on the next important aspect or sticking point. I would suggest taking small
steps and slowly working towards the "end goal". For example, the next step
could be venue changing. Practice until you have that down and move on.
Trust me: taking small steps, setting an easy, reachable goal and becoming
an expert each step will get you way further in the end than trying to do
everything at once. It makes life easier and failures easier to accept. A
failure means just a tiny experiment failed, not your whole approach or
persona.
Science is conducted by changing just small aspects of the experiment
(ceteris paribus) and analyzing the result. Social sciences involve large
numbers of experiments for validation. Breaking your game down to small
pieces and optimizing it works the same way.
AE.
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