mASF post by "TylerDurden"
posted on: mASF forum: Advanced Discussion, February 2, 2005While I was writing the inner game» portion of the RSD ebook, I <
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spent about a year thinking and analyzing my own internal thought
patterns. Basically I would write down and track my internal
thought patterns, and tried to sift out the good ones and the bad <
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ones. I did this for a long time. In the process, I became very
aware of how my mind worked, especially my inner dialogue and <
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how it changed based on my moods.
About three months ago, I realized that I'd been going out into the
field so much that I'd neglected to work on my business. As a
result, my business was not doing the things that it could be
doing. So what I did was I decided to get a girlfriend, and stop <
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going out for a while.
The first thing that I did was go to a place where I knew that the <
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girls were a bit more my personality type and less focused on
"going out". I went to Hermosa Beach instead of Hollywood,
because
to get girls there is ridiculously easy and they are very down to
earth
and cool. The skills I learned in Hollywood make is so easy to
meet
these girls.
Rather than trying to pull first shot, I took 7 phone
numbers that night of the girls whose personalities I liked the most.
I called the girl who I liked the most, invited her over, and fucked <
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her after about a half hour date. There was hard LMR (4 hours,
extreme
LMR) but I plowed through it by dominating her.
She came back a few days later, by which time I'd decided that I <
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wanted her as a girlfriend. While I was fucking her, I'd stop and <
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say "Tell me you love me. Say it. Just say it, you don't have to <
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mean it. I haven't had a girlfriend for a long time, I just want to hear
it as like a kinky thing. It's just for fun. Say it. Say it." etc etc..
She's like "Are you crazy? What's wrong with you?" and I just
plowed through it and made her do it by pinning her down while I <
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was fucking her and saying it right into her ear so that she couldn't
think straight. I had her say it over and over, until she believed it.<
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I think it works because she links the feelings of sex to love. It is
only
field tested a few times, so take your chances with it.
I actually field tested this a few months ago, and found that it got <
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girls to fall in love with you very quickly. The act of them saying it <
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while being dominated connects with them on a psychological <
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level. I got a lot of these ideas from reading Franco's posts about <
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domination and submission, and thinking a lot about how our
social interactions affect our emotions and how things go from <
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there.
Anyway, once she was in love with me, I convinced her to move in.
I did that by creating drama for her until she went insane, and then
made her think the solution was to move in with me. That was how
I got a live in girlfriend within a few hours of interacting her. It was
interesting to see the reactions of her ex-boyfriends, all of whom <
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tried to marry her or move in with her. They're all confused about <
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it. It really goes to show how badly guys need to get a wakeup call
of how "attraction is not a choice" as David D says.
At this point in my game, I know female personality types so well, <
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that I knew that she would be an outstanding girlfriend, which she
has been for the last two or three months.
The personality type that I was looking for was the following:
-outgoing, always happy
-analytical/educated, so that I can talk to her about analytic topics<
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-non validation centered
-no drugs or alcohol
-high sex drive
-high social calibration, always able to one-up me conversationally
in terms of humour and frame control
-strong confidence
Those personality traits were important to me personally, at least <
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for a longer term relationship.
The outgoing and always happy thing was crucial, because I deal
with depression problems. For me to be surrounded by people <
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with depression problems is not an option, because my internal <
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strength is not always consistent enough to be pulled down by <
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other people.
The analytical thing was because I am an analytical guy, so by <
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nature I like talking about analytical topics. I needed a girl who <
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was well-educated and who liked talked about my nerd interests.<
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The non validation issue was important because I although I like <
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having sex with girls like that (they are often hot and fuck better to
get validation), I usually find that I don't get along with them in
relationships. I have difficulty relating to it.
The no drugs or alcohol thing was because I don't use them
myself. If I did, I'd want a girl who uses them. Because I don't, I <
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don't like to be in relationships with girls who aren't in the same <
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headspace as I am (again, unless its just for sex).
And as far as the confidence and social calibration, I needed a girl
who was very confident because of my job. Obviously I need a girl
who is a bit high on herself, because she needs to think she's so <
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hot that no other girl can pull me away. Otherwise she won't take <
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me seriously as LTR material. I've found that in the past, many <
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girls will fuck immediately because of the RSD thing, but most will
not consider me for an LTR because they think I'm unreliable.
As far the high sex drive qualification, I find that a girl who might <
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have a low sex drive for one guy could have a high sex drive for <
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another. For example, when a girl is in MY frame, then she will <
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have a high sex drive because she will continually reach out
physically in order to be pacified emotionally. But if I am always <
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chasing, the girl will have a low sex drive.
In this case, I don't initiate sex very often, and she knows that I
have other girls wanting me because my cell phone is always
blowing up with different girls calling me asking me why I won't see
them anymore. She also sees my photo album filled with hot girls,
and when we go out to get a bite to eat I often have girls that I
dated coming up to me and other girls flirting with me. I NEVER <
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throw this in her face, because it would be try-hard. It's just
something that's obvious. She wants sex continually, as is almost
always the case of any girl who is in the frame of the guy she's <
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dating.
On my instruction, I had her read books on nutritional cooking, and
she started cooking for everyone in Project Hollywood. She
spends most of the day shopping and preparing meals, and in <
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between that, she goes to the gym. On average she goes to the <
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gym 2 hours a day for 7 days a week.
This was a very important issue to me, because I've noticed that <
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most couples in relationships go into a "Cornecopia Effect". What
that is, is that when a couple feels comfortable then they will start <
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eating and drinking and getting ugly and out of shape.
They do that both because they feel validated and no longer
motivated to stay pretty for other people, but also because usually
there is an uglier person in the relationship and if they both get out
of shape and all that then they'll feel more equal with eachother. <
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I'm not sure if this description is accurate, but its something like that
anyway.
It was important to me not to become like that, so as soon as I went
into a relationship I immediately changed my habits to actually <
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take better care of myself than I was a PUA.
From there I also thought that it would be useful to teach my
girlfriend help the guys at the workshops. It was easy to do
because
she's social and confident, and it definitely adds a value to the
program that I'm pleased with. She's by far the best wingwoman
I've
ever seen, and helps get us into clubs and helps newer guys to
talk
to girls and get a bit of experience under their belt without being<
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blown out, etc etc..
This has been a good experience for me, because it has allowed <
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me to get my professional life back in order. The same 6-10 hours
a day that I was committing to going out and doing day2s, I am
now
committing to my professional life.
At the same time, I found downsides. First off, I didn't realize that I
previously had a social anxiety disorder. What was happening, <
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was that going out and playing the game was actually
SUPPRESSING my social anxiety. I find now that when I walk <
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around, that I have difficulty maintaining eye contact with people <
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and speaking with a clear voice. I can still do it of course, but I <
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have to think about it consciously rather than just doing it.
Also, my game has deteriorated. I do not spark attraction in set <
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anymore. I can talk to girls the exact same as before, but they just
get attracted. It's interesting to watch, and reminds me of what it <
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was like to be a student. I'm surprised that my game deteriorated <
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within such a short period of time. It's interesting to see how
quickly it happens, but I think that most people probably wouldn't <
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have this issue because I was coming from a lower place than <
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most people when I came into the community.
I just did a guest speech for DYD last weekend, and it was
interesting for me because my social anxiety was so high that I had
to leave the stage in fifteen minutes. I got up there, and I looked <
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out at the crowd and I just drew blanks. I wasn't even scared, but
rather just numb. Luckily I had notes with me, and I just said the <
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material and it went well-enough. I've done enough public
speaking at this point that I'm not going to have a "bad"
appearance, but rather just not an outstanding one.
One thing that I found interesting about it was that early on I
realized that I was too nervous to crack jokes. It was actually early
my recognition of it that saved the speech. I find that if I'm nervous,
that I can't make jokes "hit", so to speak. What i mean is that they <
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won't get a good reaction, because it is obvious that I'm trying too <
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hard to get a reaction.
This is sort of an interesting thing I see in the game as well. Until a
girl is in your frame, if you try to put up hoops (a hoop could even <
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be cracking a joke and expecting her to laugh), she won't jump <
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through them. So in a pickup, if you try to put up a hoop, and she <
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doesn't jump through it, it is actually a demonstration of lower
value. Like, it draws attention to your lower value, and you're
done. But if you just lay back and chat, and wait until she's in your
frame, then you're OK. This is basic social calibration.
So in my speech, because I was too nervous to take the frame from
the audience (I realized it at my first joke attempt which didn't hit), I
just laid back and said the speech and it went over alright. Not <
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amazing, but OK enough that it was solid. If you guys purchase <
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DYD products, if you compare the "Bars and Clubs" speech that I <
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did, to the "Bodylanguage" speech that I'm talking about here,
you'll probably spot the difference.
Anyway, after seeing this I was curious to see what had happened
to my in field skillset. I actually did this a few weeks ago, and I did
amazingly well. It was interesting, because the extra nerves
actually made me try harder, which made me do better. That night
I had one of the best nights of my life. But last night I had a
different experience. I went out with Madbad (who was in
attendance), and decided to hit the field again.
My first few sets went very poorly. I was blown out on the opener <
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on the first few, and told to fuck off by one girl who was drunk. I <
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was pretty surprised, because I haven't had that experience for a <
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while.
I kept at it though. I remember saying to Madbad "OK dude, let's try
another one." and keeping a positive attitude. I approached these
two Brooklyn girls who threw up hard bitch shields, and I plowed <
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through them for about five minutes by yelling at them. I eventually
venue changed them to a restaurant and my girl started qualifying
herself and giving me a lot of kino.
I ejected once we got to the restaurant (20 minutes in) because I <
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wanted to do more sets. The girl started gagging and tearing up a
bit. She was like "This was all bullshit? Are you totally full of
shit?!" I was happy to see her reaction, in the sense that it showed
that I'd hit back my groove, but I felt bad for upsetting her.
Then I did another set which was mediocre, and then another
which was a lone wolf and it went extremely well. The girl took me
outside and tried to get me back to come party with her friends at <
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her hotel. I was basically standard game, where I opened and <
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teased and said "Which way are you walking" and walked with her
and just told stories and joked around. I feel that the set went well
because the girl wasn't super confident herself (although she was
really cute). Had it been a hard 9 or 10, the same set would have
blown me out.
The main difference is that I am not keeping strong eye contact, I <
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am talking too fast, and my voice isn't projecting properly. I'm too <
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obviously reacting to the girl, rather than getting her reacting to
me.
What I'm really noticing is the difference in my internal state. When
you go out all the time, you are in party state. You have jokes
coming into your mind naturally, and you are actually
CONDITIONED to be alpha and funny. Your mind is wired like <
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that. It's actually wired to think faster.
When you start sitting inside and working for 10 hours a day, you <
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can't do it because your brain has become addicted to stimulation.
To stay in and write a book, you have to sloooooow down your <
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mind. You can't actually sit down and write for 10 hours because <
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you're jittering and you can't keep focus. But with time, you
actually become conditioned to staying in and working, and you <
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start to like it. You actually want to sit in and work, and you don't <
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want to go out. Your brain adapts to it.
I've talked to guys like Coolwater, who said that when he went into
the field a lot, that he couldn't concentrate on his lectures anymore.
I was the same way. You actually re-wire your mind to be adapted
to stimulation, so much to the point that you can actually control the
energy and stimulation around you.
But then once you start conditioning yourself to stay in and work, <
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you go out to a club at night, and you feel all introverted in the back
of your own head. Like you're so focused on your work, that you <
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can't relate to other people the same.
So that was last night, and I'm here today just processing it. I am <
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disappointed that my social anxiety has come back just because I
am in a relationship. I find that I'm feeling very AFC. I think that <
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perhaps the old anchours of being in a relationship are coming <
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back, from my first relationship when I was 19-21.
When I was a PUA, I would walk around on top of the world. I felt <
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like a pimp, and girls would give me approach invitations and be <
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attracted to me instantly. Now I feel more like an AFC and it
shows. I have a harder time in social situations, and my sense of <
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humour has been reduced from being pretty good to pretty weak.<
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It seems like going out is similar to lifting weights. You are
exercising your social muscles. You are building them up. If you <
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stop going out, you won't lose all of your muscles, but you won't be
in tip top shape.
At the same time, it alerts me to a bigger issue. In my case, I'm <
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coming into the community from a lower point than most guys. So
its natural that when I sink back, that its more noticeable than it <
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might be for the average guy. For me, there is an issue that I have
to find my sense of value not so much in being a pimp, but in other
areas.
I have to develop talents in areas away from the game, and I also <
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have to streamline and condition my thought patterns to a level <
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where I'm not suppressing social anxiety but actually dealing with
it. That will probably take me another few years, but I think that <
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once I've dealt with it that I'll have done a really good job.
I'm thinking of taking up stand up comedy, as well as going back <
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into sports and dance class. Those areas are difficult ones for me,
and I think that by taking on the challenge that I would improve my
game more than by actually going out.
I will also probably start going out with my girl to clubs once or <
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twice a week, just to go out and socialize. She is amazing, so it <
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will be fun and it will give me a chance to work on my sense of <
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humour and frame control again. We'll see if this causes drama or
not, but I think it will go over fine because she has a tendency to <
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eclipse most guys so she will probably get as much attention as I <
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do.
At this point, I think my relationship skills are top notch, only
because relationships are so easy to maintain when you know <
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how to PU. All you do is lay the girl, and then lay back and keep <
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the frame. I find this very easy, and I don't expect to learn anything
from staying in a relationship. I feel that guys who talk about
relationship management are thinking about it too much. Just be <
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cool and hold the frame. That said, I'm probably talking a lot like <
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how a natural talks about PU.
I have internalized everything I need so it is unconscious. Having
tactics to keep a relationship could probably really help guys who
are not natural with it, especially guys who do not have much
experience in field but like a girl and want to stay with her before <
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they complete the mastery of their skillset (usually a bad choice in
my opinion, but I can't judge a guy whose shoes I'm not in).
A few things that I do are:
-never insult her, EVER
-never argue with her, except if I think she needs it
-if she needs it, I'll yell at her to dominate her (1 minute tops), and
then
I'll grab her and kiss her until she's giggling and her state
changes
(I do this because I believe girls need you to do this once in a
while)
-I'm always in control of myself and respect myself, so she'll
respect
me too.
-I'm really nice to her, and always reward her for being a good
girlfriend
-I draw the line firmly and very quickly at bad behaviour. It is
obvious
enough that she wouldn't even think about it.
-I'm like her dad and she's like my mom. I make her feel protected
but
also qualified to be with me, by doing that.
-She always knows that this could vanish (she's actually right)
-I never qualify myself to her, EVER on any level.. I just chill and
joke
around.
-I have a lot of cool friends whose friendships she values.
Again, to be honest, I really don't put a lot into this stuff. I'm posting
this,
and surprised I even have that much to say about it. It's just a
natural
thing.
I think by being in a relationship that I'm going to be forced to work
on other areas of my life that I have neglected. So for now, I want <
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to be the best boyfriend possible and to get caught up in other <
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areas. From there, I'll decide how I want to proceed.
Anyway, I wanted to post about my experience really honestly, <
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because other guys will undoubtedly go through the same thing. I
wanted to post about it to share my experience, in case other guys
have similar experiences, they may relate to it.
-TD
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