mASF post by "IN10SE"
posted on: mASF forum: Advanced Discussion, June 6, 2004Hey guys,
I attended one day of the LA Real Social Dynamics seminar a while back and
listened to some of those guys including Playboy, The One, and Tyler D. Props
to those guys for what they do.
Now Tyler’s talk really got me thinking. He mentioned something about
validation vs. disvalidation and that got my wheels spinning as far as how
that’s worked in my own experience.
So I decided to both work out my own ideas on it as well as put them to
conscious practice. Here’s what I found.
But first just a little background on my game:
My game is based on the model that uses both attraction and comfort/rapport -
and about cycling between the two, all the while amping up the seduction game.
I focus specifically on mid game and end game in my book, and the stuff out
there already for attract game (Tyler D, RSD, MM, Swinggcat stuff, Thundercat
approaching stuff) I'd highly recommend.
Its interesting though how a chicks moods will control her and the way she
thinks... essentially the way she see's the world, which is why going for
FEELINGS is so important.
In the End Game, though most of the time a chick could care less about how you
look, how YOU feel... you’ve already past THOSE hook points and all she cares
about now is how you make HER feel - and how you can VALIDATE her.
If she can get validation without the sex, will she? Of course. Giving up the
sex to a chick is like giving up her power. Why would she want to do that?
Sure, there's a pleasure component, but that's secondary thanks to
sociocultural programming.
Validation is about her living up to her OWN image of herself. And when you
disvalidate, it creates the NEED within her to prove you wrong - and this need
creates the MOVING TOWARD behavior where she begins to seek approval from
you... The frame being that you have higher value... otherwise known as
ATTRACTION. When you validate her, it gives her COMFORT – but the key to this
stage of the game is that it HAS to be sexual.
Which is why validation must be LINKED TO sex. It must also come as a REWARD
for sex. Interesting how that works. Now this is the case in a normal healthy
chick, but in those that have been abused etc., strangely sex has ALREADY been
linked to DISvalidation – and this creates a mechanism which keeps them seeking
validation through sex, which really only exists in their fantasies because
although when they get the validation they don’t want it (because sex is bad in
their minds at an unconscious level) , and when they DO get the disvalidation,
they want it more. Sad but true. (For example, S + M, being treated like a
slut in bed, etc.) But this post is about the opposite case.
Now, back to normal chicks. Value and attraction get you in the door.
Disvalidate to keep up the tension, and add just a little bit of
comfort/connection and elicit the feelings leading to seduction (END GAME) -
link the sexual phase (END GAME) with validation, and you'll get laid.
So ways that I’ve linked validation to sex? I have several chicks recently that
I’ve been testing this on and it has worked like a charm. Remember, validation
is about a woman living up to her OWN self image. Here’s some of the things I
do and have done in the past:
1) When she does something sexy or something that turns you on – tell her, but
don’t give all the validation away. For example, “It kind of turns me on when
you do that” or “You look sexy when you do that” “You’re good at that…”
2) Qualify her for sexuality. “You know, if you and I were to be together, (I
use a lot of vague phrases like this – does this mean BE together as in
boyfriend/girlfriend or SEX or what? – SHE fills in the blanks and processes
all possibilities automatically) we’d make everyone that saw us totally
jealous, we’d have this total physical connection, and emotional connection,
and it would be amazing… but I’m not sure if you’re passionate enough for me…”
If you’ve passed the attraction and comfort hook points, she’ll be literally
jumping through the next hoop – the seduction hook point to prove how
passionate she is. Remember, she’s validating her OWN self image to herself. If
you’ve convinced her of a self image you’ve given her, then all the better.
3) Qualify her for being a GIVER. “So are you a self centered person… so many
women are, I can only be with someone who is able to give to a relationship and
take care of what my needs are… because when you have both people giving then
both people are receiving… “
4) AFTER sex comes the emotional validation. The physical validation must be
DURING sex, (and not too much before, otherwise you risk losing the sexual
TENSION that comes from the DISvalidation during attract phase. This is why I
don’t give women typical compliments and only compliment them on things that
they think are Unattractive about them. For example, if I know a woman is
insecure about her stomach, I’ll touch it often and comment on how I like it.
If we take pictures, I’ll keep the ones that she wants me to delete. So after
sex, you can validate her emotionally by holding her, caressing her hair while
you hold her, talking softly to her… etc. If you do this too much BEFORE sex,
you risk losing more TENSION. After all, if a chick can feel totally
emotionally connected to you without having sex, do you think she’ll avoid sex.
Yes. Because remember for a woman, having sex gives away her power. How many
guys do you think she’s been with that she’s had no power over after the sex?
That’s just how it works.
5) With some chicks, you can give her emotional validation DURING sex, by being
slow and sensual with massive eye contact. Test it out. Some chicks need this
during sex.
6) Set up the frame and challenge that a perfect connection with you would have
both emotional and physical connection. “There’s so many relationships that are
unbalanced… either they have too much physical and not enough emotional or too
much emotional and not enough physical… the ideal would be to have total
emotional and total physical connection… but I’ve never been able to have that…
I don’t know if you’d be able to handle that…” She needs to know that for YOU
as a man, total connection only comes through sex.
7) Even after sex, as the relationship continues – make her seek the emotional
connection through sex. Don’t give too much of it away for free by telling her
that you love her (and if so, use it once for every ten times she tells you),
or by giving her complete ASSURANCE that she’s the one for you. She may ask
you, “Do you see us together in the future?” etc. and you should answer, “I’d
like to…” Never give definite future possibilities.
Well that’s just a few ways.
Comments, Questions?
IN10SE
www.social-mastery.com
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