mASF post by "Señor Fingers"
posted on: mASF forum: Advanced Discussion, September 9, 2004Howdy Fellaz!
Fingers here with an important message for all you aspiring playas out there.
For starters, lemme just say that it's great that you found this place. A lot
of you have really improved your game and I applaud you for this.
But I sense that many of you are still stuck in a rut, you have the
understanding but lack the wisdom. The posts you read excite and motivate you,
yet you get nowhere..you are essentially all cock and no balls!
I was once at this stage and I would like to share some of the things that were
detrimental to my development in the hopes that maybe you can avoid falling
into the same traps...
Without further ado, I give you:
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THE TRAPS OF SEDUCTION
======================
Trap #1 - Seducing for the Wrong Reasons
Why are you even here? What is it that you want? A seemingly simple question,
yet I see a lot of lost souls here, even amongst the ranks of the so-called
elite! Of all the mistakes I made, this was the worst. I wasn't chasing hotties
for my personal benefit as much as for the social status it provided. I knew
how it felt to envy the player, and for once I wanted to be the one who made
them all jealous, or at least admire me. Doing this only clouded my vision
because I was aiming to impress others instead of visualizing my own happiness.
Who are you doing this for? Them, or you?
Trap #2 - Posting for the Wrong Reasons
As if this were not enough, I sought to win YOUR approval as well. Post after
post I wrote and I got some great responses here and there. But most of it was
ass-kissing...how I loved the validation...and how difficult it is for me to
admit this! My gift for writing has masked the fact that I am no seduction
guru. Yes, I am far more successful than I ever was and some of you might
consider me to be a player if you met me IRL, but the sad truth is that I never
let you guys see my vulnerable side. Pride kept me from asking for help and for
this I do apologize. We should post to share knowledge and for the most part, I
have only preached it.
Trap #3 - Sexual Addiction
So I finally got the women I wanted. Little did I know that it would never be
enough. Funny thing is... I never wanted them as much as I needed their
validation, proof that I was desirable to undo the years of bad self esteem. I
became a fiend. Sarging became a daily vice because the high I got from my
conquests was so short-lived. Never one to settle for less, I was always
looking for the better girl..prettier, sexier, bigger ass, etc. I was also very
competitive and was constantly trying to out-do my fellow players. It was
exactly what I thought I wanted, but the truth is that I was never satisfied
and the lifestyle began to consume me. As a result I found that my professional
life began to suffer and it was humbling to recognize my depression for what it
was. I finally got out of this phase by rediscovering my other passions in
life. I forgot all about the natural high I would get from performing a great
set, or creating a masterpiece. It may not be as intense as an orgasm, but the
high definitely lasts a lot longer and there are only GOOD consequences!
Trap #4 - Distorted Perception of Women
After hooking up with lots of committed women (some of them married) I began to
lose faith in womankind. I felt I could never trust a woman again, knowing what
I knew. I didnt see the big picture though. The reason I was attracting these
dodgy chicks was because of the circumstances of my approach. I was mostly
doing club pickups and my aim was fast seduction. If a girl did not get with
the program, I simply nexted her on the spot and managed to filter out the
women who actually had some morals! Realize that your perception of those
around you stems from the way you interact with them. There are some great
women out there if you have the patience to discover them. Not all seduction
has to be "fast"! Tailor your approach to fit your goals.
Trap #5 - Losing Focus
I have never been a player. My whole life, I have been more of a one-woman kind
of guy. I always figured that I had better things to do than chase skirts. And
I was right. Thinking back, these were the happiest and most productive times
of my life! However, after getting rejected by my one-itis-I began to see my
monogamous nature as a weakness, and this feeling is what brought me here. Now
that I have tasted the PUA lifestyle, I realize that it really is not for me.
As much as I wanted to believe I was a player, deep down I just wanted a woman
to INSPIRE me, you know? Someone passionate who could shake up my world and
push me to be better than what I am.... a soulmate, for lack of a better term.
But somewhere along the way, I got distracted by the ego boost of random
encounters. It consumed me, and while my love life flourished, the rest of me
began to rot from the inside out. I lost a lot of great opportunities because
of this and learned the hard way the balance is everything! The most important
thing you can do for yourself is choose the things you want in your life and
work towards them SIMULTANEOUSLY.
Trap #6 - Over Analysis
When you try to capture an experience with your logical mind while it is
happening, you miss the joy of experiencing it! There is magic in every moment
once you let go of your internal scientist and simply enjoy the ride! You
already know this, but do you believe it? Seriously, put down your microscopes
and savor this miracle we call existence! It is GREAT to be alive! Having this
fun-loving attitude will make you much more attractive than any C&F, DLV, Negs,
because they will flow out of you naturally! Need I say more?
Trap #7 - Forum Addiction
It was all too easy for me to get sucked into this trap. For one, I finally
found a place where I could speak candidly about my experiences without fear of
judgement...hell, you guys were cheering me on the whole time! Not to mention
that a lot of you are really interesting/funny characters and I genuinely enjoy
the insights you have to offer. This is great and all, but I noticed a pattern
taking place. The more time I spent reading and posting, the more trouble I had
picking up women. On the flip side, I have been most successful when my visits
here were sparse. I guess the more you try to understand an artform, the more
it eludes you! I noticed the same thing when I am creating music. When I am
discussing scales with my musician friends, it all makes sense and I feel a
level of understanding has been reached. But when I actually play the music,
scales are the furthest things from my mind. I am simply playing around,
discovering new things, and making my own rules! This is how the game should be
played! (Uh...how long you been sitting there?)
Trap #8 - Being Too Smooth
All too often, I have messed up my chances by playing it too cool. Seduction
became sort of a competition between me and women. This is a terrible frame
because its supposed to be nature's dance, not a battle! I would bust, tease
and mess around with girls, thinking that I was "upping their buying
temperature" but little did I know that they were already hot for me and all
these antics were not only unnecessary, but detrimental to the pickup! They
didn't want someone to verbally spar with them all night..they wanted a
fun-loving, take-charge guy who goes after what he wants. Plain and simple. I
thought my game had to be suave and airtight in order to score, but that shit
got blown away by a pattern of observations from my ex girlfriends. They said
that they fell for me because I looked lost....huh? WTF does that mean? For
months I pondered the implications of this till I found insight in "The Art of
Seduction" Apparently I am what Robert Greene calls a "Natural Seducer" I draw
women in by exuding a sort of helplessness, or need to be rescued. Not exactly
Mr. Smooth, eh? But after talking with my girls and hearing them spit out the
same response, I realized that Mr. Greene had my number! Trying to be something
I wasn't was one of the biggest traps I ever fell into. Live and learn.
Trap #9 - Being an Asshole
It sounds messed up, but for a time, I really enjoyed breaking hearts. It was
like a big "fuck you" to all the girls who had ever done me wrong. I thought I
was like...restoring the balance of the universe or some shit, but I was wrong.
All I did was become the very thing I hated. I thought that jerks were the only
ones that got laid while the nice guys got trusty ol Palmela Handerson. It took
me time but now I see that a real man is above these labels. He is nice when he
needs to be and is a total dick when it is called for. He rewards good and
punishes evil. Sure, sometimes he makes a bad judgement call, but his
intentions are true and at least he has something rare in this day and
age...integrity!
Well, thats about all I could think of. I know this post is sort of a
downer...not my most upbeat stuff, but I felt it had to be said and I welcome
any criticism/feedback.
Most importantly, feel free to post the sticking points you have faced, how you
overcame them and the lessons they taught you.
It's been real yall
signing off,
FINGZ
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