mASF post by "Jimbo"
posted on: mASF forum: General Discussion newsgroup, July 7, 2005Hey bro,
let me get into the subject.
IMO the reason opinion openers and other "canned" indirect openers are not
working for you is because you are way too "genuine", you have great social
skills, and those openers seem to be not such "genuine" as you are.
You have ability to flow with people, and you just don't feel how those canned
openers may be used in "harmony" with the situations or environments where you
are. Personally, i can't see how "Do you think David Bowie is hot?" might help
me in opening a set in the slightest, no matter how i say it. Well, maybe if i
heard a set talking about him...
What i mean is that you (and i) can feel perfectly when something doesn't fit
in a social setting. I'm not talking here about social conditioning restricting
what we belive is "polite" or allowed to do or not. I'm talking about how we
know that there is always an "smooth" and "harmonious" way to get into a set
without triggering "warning alarms" in any member of said set. Note for those
not taking it: and "smooth" and "harmonious" way might be completely wild and
outrageous, but yet congruent with the specific situation, ok?.
From those discussions we had here in mASF regarding pAImAI, i arrived to the
conclusion that the first step in any good PU is not the opening, but that
"first contact". My take is that any first interaction between too people has
to help their mind and emotional states to get closer in order to allow good
communication (of any kind).
Keeping this in mind may help you in understanding why you are liking direct
approach lately. In most cases you sure have already "negotiated" the
"communication protocol" before opening your mouth to talk to a chick. So
whatever comes from that "feels" fluid and congruent. If for instance you are
introduced by a mutual friend, tell me, who can stop you then?. ;-)
With a set the situation is different because they are already in a certain
state (party, conversational, whatever), and in order to get into the set with
good chances you need either to calibrate the general state of the set and
adequate yourself to it, or pick on subtle signs from individuals who are
"open" to direct their attention to "other things", or make the set perceive
you as an authority of any (appropriated) kind (i.e. via social proof, alpha
attitude, etc).
IME whatever is perceived as direct and genuine works much better than any
other shit. Just saying "are you guys having fun?" is enough sometimes,
specially if after that i let the set "room" to keep dealing their own
business, so i can re-open some of them later when they are in a different
dynamic. A sort of Craig's "short set method" adapted to my personality.
Another good way of entering a difficult set is via "pawn sacrifice". You send
your wingman to the set to open it in whatever way he might find appropriate.
Then you get there to "rescue" him or he just introduces you, and depending how
you calibrate the set reaction you stay there with your social skills just
working naturally, or you just eject naturally with him but letting you
"personal touch" reach the group, so you can re-open it later from a more
natural position.
The point here is framing the forthcoming interaction as something "smooth" and
natural to happen. Chicks with CBing friends and "control agents" around feel
more at easy when you come from that position of being somehow already "known".
And also very important, you also feel more at easy!.
This shit is sometimes achieved even with very few words crossed. Remember the
last night we went out?. How many words did we cross with that group that
opened to make room for us to dance with them?. Even the guy accepted us
without saying shit. It was just congruent and smooth with the social dynamics
involved.
My point is good game requires always some degree of "directness". The
"communication protocol", the frame, of whatever we may call that shit, has to
be established meaning there has been a shift of mind and emotional states from
you and the target bringing those states closer. Sort of acknowledging mutual
presence plus detecting the "mating spark" in the target plus finding an
available socket to plug in. IOW, pAImAI!. LOL!.
Fuck, this is hard for me to explain in english. We might talk one of this
days.
Best regards.
Jimbo
"The reason of the unreason that afflicts my reason, in such a manner weakens
my reason that I with reason lament me of your comeliness." - Don Quijote de la
Mancha
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