mASF post by "GoneSavage"
posted on: mASF forum: Field Reports Discussion, July 7, 2005Part I
Wed July 27, 2005. I attempted my first “elimi-date” style meet. I invited
two girls to meet me at the same place at the same time. Two girls who don’t
know each other. Two girls who are not expecting to rendezvous within an
entourage. (How’s that for French appreciation.)
It happened by accident. Tuesday I call up one of the girls and she answers.
I say, “Maybe I’m mistaken, but weren’t you supposed to meet me today at 5:30?”
No, we’re meeting tomorrow. “Uh…you’re sure.” Positive.
Fuck. My mistake. I’m double-booked. I sent identical emails and forgot to
change the day of the meet. Two girls on Wednesday; same time same place.
Let’s see what happens….
So, I’m committed to doing this. Could be fun. Could go sour. I’m so excited
by the possibility of a dramatic crash-n-learn that I actually, early
Wednesday, send out invites to THREE MORE women that I am pursuing. Just for
fun. So potentially I could have had FIVE girls show. What was I thinking?
I was fairly certain that the two solid girls would show. And they did. But
no others.
The players:
HBnurse—age 26, 5’9, cute brunette, Leo, best quality: “good listener”
HBgraphicartist—age 23, 5’5 stunning brunette, Capricorn, best quality:
“empathy”
GoneSavage—international man of leisure, freelance flirt, and continental
drifter
The first meet:
Every Sunday there's a spontaneous festival in Park Jeanne Mance, at the base
of Mont Royal. It's called Tam-Tams, which is the Quebecois word for bongos.
All the hippies and hipsters and twenty-something work-a-day folks come out the
park and play drums and dance and get high. It’s a fun event with people
sunning and throwing Frisbees and just mixing and mingling.
Both girls were met here on July 24th. In fact, I contact closed five girls
that day. What seemed to be the most solid close (we were making out in the
park)—this girl next’ed herself. The two girls that are set to meet were the
next two most seemingly solid closes. The other two closes were made without
gaining much rapport at the park, but I’ve got them all to email me at least
once. We’ll see.
HBnurse was with a friend, both lying on a blanket. I plop myself right
between them, deliver my signature opener, and go into Montreal stories. I
talk about being there for this seminar on interpersonal philosophy and, since
I drove, I’m able to hang around and check out Tam-Tams and the city sights.
Then I showed her a visualization exercise known as The Cube and she says that
she has done it before with her sister. She says her sister is studying
psychology and that she should introduce us. I ask if her sister is as cute as
her and she says “almost.” She says that I am probably closer to the age of her
sister than her, another reason I should meet sis. I volunteer my age first
and, haha, I’m the same age as her, whereas her sister is 21. At any rate,
she’s more relaxed now. She has a guy friend show up and I talk to him a bit
about the US, where he goes often for work. The other girl just keeps reading
a book. I have my girl make a list of her favorite museums, parks, restaurants
and bars, write down her contact info and I tell her that I will be in touch
and we will explore the city. I talked to her for about twenty minutes tops.
HBgraphicartist was in the park solo reading a book. After I opened her and
asked about the book, I told a couple stories of my time there so far and
showed her The Cube. Fun girl, very smart. The interaction was similar to
that with HBnurse, except I think I had this girl teaching me more French.
Plus she was sitting in the shade, and I kept getting bitten by mosquitoes, so
I moved her a few meters into the sunshine. At the time, she was dressed
“down” very casually and I had not realized upon the first meet that she was
quite so attractive. After I got her contact info, I had her stand up and spin
so I could check her out and we hugged before I left. Twenty-five minutes
contact, tops.
The good news is that both are professional women; creative, intelligent and
truly bilingual—so none of this francophone miscommunication that I keep
running into.
The Emails:
I sent them both the same email, as noted before. It is four sentences long.
The structure is this:
1) Compliment/warm read. (Good to meet you, you seem x…)
2) Strong SOI. (I offer you respect, adoration, stimulating conversation, etc)
3) Time constraint. (My time here is limited, but we should make an effort…)
4) Call to action. (I’m going to be at x place at x time, hope to see you
there)
In the email to HBnurse, I mentioned something about the sister she said I
should meet. Couldn’t resist.
So from there, it is a matter of agreeing on a time and place and perhaps
addressing any concerns she would have about meeting. In this case, as noted
above, I accidentally booked them both on the same day: 5:30 at the fountain in
front of the Place-des-Arts. (Plus I had another date that evening lined up at
8PM—I’ll get to that issue in a minute.)
HBgraphicartist:
“Hey guy from Georgia. You're fast.... not loosing time, eh? ;) Well it's
exactly what I was going to propose you...museums are free on Wednesdays and
I’m never going enough so... if you want to eat before I know the cheapest
place in town, it's good and a kind-of exotic tiny hidden place.”
HBnurse:
I would like to accept your invitation. I do, however, work during the
weekdays. Luckily, the MMFA is open until 9pm Wednesdays and I finish work by
5ish. Of course, I have decided that I don't want to introduce you to my
sister, but would rather keep you to myself. I think I am deserving, mais non?
Did you have fun last night?”
The Day2 meet with both women:
I show up about ten minutes late, expecting the women to be standing next to
each other or something. I’m imagining this awkward pause where I have to
decide whom to greet first. Or calling them both to me and the surprise they
would each have when someone else came to me. Or like all five actually
showing. Maybe next time.
It’s been raining all day. I see HBgraphicartist immediately. I scan to see
if I recognize anyone else. Nope. I feel kind of relieved. Wow, she looks
damn good. She’s got on this nice black shirt and her hair is done-up and she
has the slightest bit of makeup around her eyes. She sees me too and smiles.
I close my umbrella and give her a hug.
She reminds me that we should eat. “Oh yeah…you’re supposed to take me to this
local exotic out-of-the-way place that you love. Let’s go.” So it’s already
like 5:45 and we’re crossing the street and here comes HBnurse, straight at me.
Wow, she looks damn good. She’s wearing this sophisticated tight blazer, her
hair is nice, and she has on heels. Very attractive girl. I give her a hug
and tell her that “We have company today. I’m double-booked.”
The expression on her face when I pointed to the other woman was priceless.
I introduce them and they seem amicable. You know, at first.
GoneSavage: “So, we’re about to get something to eat. Have you eaten?”
HBnurse: “I’m not hungry. I thought we were going to the museum.”
GoneSavage: “We will in a minute. She wants to show us this cool restaurant.”
HBnurse: “Fine. I’ll watch you guys eat.”
HBgraphicartist: “It’s this affordable place with great food. I love to go
there and get a sandwich and sit in the park. It’s so nice.”
GoneSavage: “Well, it is wet and rainy. How about we get sandwiches and eat on
the walk back to the museum. Cool?”
HBgraphicartist: “Yeah sure.”
GoneSavage: “Cool. Let’s roll…”
HBnurse: “So…HB…what do you do?”
Let the games begin! This was really fun. Personally I didn’t want them
qualifying each other. My plan was to qualify them both, implicitly let them
know this, and leave both open to be closed on Day3. This would involve
careful calibration, throwing mixed signals, and leaving things artfully
ambiguous.
I have to give HBgraphicartist credit for being really chill and just going
with the flow. HBnurse was feistier and I complimented her on her
“delightfully sassy nature.” I also complimented her attire and sense of
style. I complimented HBgraphiccartist for knowing the cool spots in the city
and leading us to new places. Called her the sexiest tour guide I could have
asked for. The other girl laughed.
I’m trying to tell stories of stuff I had seen or done in Montreal to keep
them both engaged with me and not each other. I try to walk between them
both, but that is not always a constant. More likely I am walking with one and
the other falls a little behind or walks a little ahead.
The restaurant is in Chinatown. We get to the friendship arch and I talk about
the other friendship arches that I have seen including the one in Philly, which
is the first built outside of China. Of course, HBnurse has a story about
Philly. I say, I have to get a picture of you both.
HBnurse: “No way, I’m not photogenic. I’ll take a picture of you two.”
This was actually a good idea because it was the first chance I had to talk to
them with a little bit of isolation, and with a little bit of kino. So I’m
beside HBgraphicartist in front of the arch while the other girl takes the
picture. “I really thought you were meeting me yesterday. This is all your
fault.” Of course I say this jokingly, but she apologizes anyway. “But I like
how you are so calm and composed.” We smile.
Switch. I’ve got my arm around HBnurse now and the other girl frames the shot.
“She was supposed to meet me yesterday. It’s entirely my fault. But I like how
you don’t let her phase you.” We smile.
We get to her favorite restaurant and it’s this little shop that sells
mincemeat sandwiches. We’re looking at the pictures. They all look like crap.
HBnurse tells us she is vegetarian. I tell HBnurse to order me the chicken
one, same as her. At the register, I say, “You got me right.” HBgraphicartist
rolls her eyes, but buys my sandwich. For whatever reason, I winked at
HBnurse, like, haha, I got her to pay, or some silly shit.
So we walk back. HBgraphicartist is ahead of us munching on the sandwich that
she loves so much. She asks how I like it, “It’s certainly
different…interesting.” I think it tastes horrible. HBnurse and I have our
little secret when I tell her the sandwich tastes like pickled squid and
fermented olives. It’s like she’s one-uped just because she didn’t get me a
shitty sandwich. Good times.
The Contemporary Art Museum:
I worked the museum like this. Basically we all three wandered separately.
Although I’m aware that they both stay aware of where I am always. I would
cycle between them to talk about the art, tell stories, and ask fun qualifying
type questions. Most of the exhibits were absurdly laughable. Oh well.
My anxiety level was a little higher than normal and I couldn’t even think of
good questions. I would not ask both girls the same question, except the ‘best
quality’ one. I just like the feeling of having fresh convo with each woman.
And if one wandered into my conversation with the other, it wouldn’t have this
set-question interview feel.
The “qualifying” questions:
What’s your best quality or trait?
If you could go anywhere, and money is not an issue, where would you go?
If you could gain one skill without training or risk of failure, what skill
would you pick?
What animal do you most relate to?
What’s your greatest passion in life?
What’s your favorite book, movie, type of music?
That was really it. Just had fun like normal situations with playful teasing
and reflexive answers. Casually bounced back and forth. Talked about some of
my own art projects and some projects I have seen elsewhere. Didn’t dwell on
the fact that I was with two independent women or ever insist that we had to
stick together or anything like that.
“Where’s whats-her-face?” HBnurse said at one point. After I had been beside
her a couple minutes with my arm around her waist. She would really lighten up
when she got 1:1 attention.
But of course, HBgraphicartist invited me to see this interactive exhibit. It
s a silly tiny room that you go in and close the door and a chandelier lights
up and music plays. We danced for a second and I kissed her in here. Just a
quick kiss on the lips, nothing passionate.
So that was it. We’d seen it all. HBnurse calls it a day.
HBnurse: “I’m starving. I’m going to go eat.”
GoneSavage: “I have a sandwich for you…just kidding. Okay, you’re turn to lead.
Which way to your favorite vegetarian restaurant?”
HBnurse: “Actually I’m going to get on the Metro and go home.”
GoneSavage: “Well, thanks for coming out with me. Give me a hug.” I pull her
near and whisper, “I’m sorry if this was awkward for you, but I know we’ll be
in touch.”
Stay tuned. To be cum-tinued….
Bon moment. Aime la vie. GoneSavage
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