mASF post by "intlzncster"
posted on: mASF forum: General Discussion newsgroup, March 3, 2005TD,
Ok, this is NOT a flame. I intend for it to be take in an
objective/constructive fashion.
Your post highlights to me the fundamental problem you have with teaching PU
in the field. You lack empathy. Empathy is the most essential skill any
teacher must have if they are to be successful with a broad range of
individuals, if they want to truly excel at building their students up,
creating something where there was nothing. You are all thought and logic,
but no emotion.
I think part of it might be that you have enormous intellectual capacity
(you've got a big bean man), which leads to a semblance of arrogance in the
way you think and go about your daily life. It's more of a subconscious
arrogance, where your brain automatically categorizes certain behaviours as
weak and below you (or above depending on the trait). This can make
teaching problematic, because it makes it difficult for you to relate to a
lot of students, especially the hard up ones. Unfortunately, these "tough
cases" are the ones who need helping the most.
This is just my own observation, having met you when you came to Australia,
but the guys that you have instructed and brought along in the game have
become better teachers than you. They are incredible at conveying in the
field what it is they want their students to do and learn. They build up
there students; take a guy from zero to hero.
Steve (PlayboyLA) is the best teacher I've come across in the game, but he
unfortunately left RSD. Chariot though, still instructs for RSD. That guy
is an INSANE teacher. The amount of confidence, compassion, patience,
empathy, giving, and willingness to help guys out who are fuckin' STRUGGLING
is amazing. I know I couldn't do it. I watch him every other weekend (he
runs the bootcamps out of our pad in Sydney), and it is some amazing shit.
If some guy is having a real hard time just talking to PEOPLE, never mind
girls, Chariot always gets fucking psyched every time they make a
breakthrough. They'll go off to the bathroom or something and he'll come
over and high five me and jump around like a friggin' school boy. He helps
guys out who are not ready to help themselves. It's cool to watch. Not
only that but he keeps getting better every time. He's a fucking learning
machine.
Look your understanding of the game and social interaction is unparalleled
(with the exception of Mystery). If you were giving a seminar, I'd
DEFINITELY show up to listen because you are a master at conveying ideas and
breaking down social interaction into understandable pieces and structures.
If it was an in the field workshop though, knowing what I know now, I'd go
to one of your boys instead.
I think you are also smart/aware enough to recognize/understand what I'm
talking about. It's probably why you brought some of the guys on board that
you did (eg Geoff).
I'm not trying to call you out, just pointing out my observations. You
obviously have a shit load more to offer this community.
Best,
intlzncster
One more thing..
>It's like there's a line. You're a loser or you're not. There are only two
>kinds of guys.
You are coming at life from a fucked up angle here. This is all or nothing
thinking and it is shit. I know, because I've had this type of thinking for
a long time. There is always a spectrum of being; it's never black or
white, man. If a guy who is really stuck thought like this, he would give
up. If he's already beating himself up, then there is no hope for him in
his mind (using an all or nothing philosophy). Shock therapy ain't gonna
help this guy out. It'll make him crawl into his hole and shrivel up in
pain.
Thundercat just had a post up on the TSL talking about the technique of
systematic desensitization. A lot of times, guys starting out on their path
aren't at a place where they can handle shock therapy. This is a way to get
around that. In a comment I also noted another technique that I'm fond of.
I'll repost my bit of it here:
Here's the link to the original:
http://www.thundercatseductionlair.com/2005/02/tabula_rasa_unl.html#comments
Here are my comments:
Realize that change can ALSO be instantaneous (Tony Robbins will tell you as
much). What Thundercat has presented is a great way to change, but certainly
not the only way.
A method I'm really fond of is based on the 'Theory of Opposites'. [Caveat:
In order to make this method work, you must really want to change, and be
able to muster sufficient leverage in your life to do so. If you don't know
what leverage is, then look up Tony Robbins's stuff or any other quality
success coach.] It's quite a simple method really, but it requires you to be
vigilant and proactive. Whenever you are faced with a situation in which you
feel requires change --> you must first be able to recognize when one of
these situations arises, and when it does, immediately take stock of your
response, then without thinking, quickly do the exact opposite reaction to
the negative response. E.G. For the situation where you stiffen up, get
nervous, and don't approach when you see a hot woman. Recognize and
acknowledge your physical and mental responses when you are next confronted
with the situation. When the reactions come, immediately DO the opposite. So
if you get nervous, actively calm your mind (There are tons of techniques
for this). If you stiffen, then actively relax your body (Again, there are
techniques for this). Lastly, if you normally don't approach...DO it. Just
say "Hey". That's it. That's all you have to do.
There are several principles going on here:
When you actively monitor your negative responses, acknowledge them, and
then do the opposite, you are operating outside the moment. You are almost a
third party to the physical you, the woman, and the situation. It's akin to
visualizing yourself from across the room. It removes you from the situation
and allows you to work on the points you want to address. The same fears
aren't in play, because its not 'YOU' in the actual situation, you are
operating outside of it. It is not the same thing as sink or swim.
Also, when you do this, it works to fix your responses on several levels.
One, it's important to realize that what you are doing now is NOT working,
therefore do the opposite; it's more likely to lead to the results you want.
Two, the usual responses are eventually replaced by the new applied ones
(repetition). Three, the experiences themselves provide references for the
growth/change to occur in the future. And four, the positive feedback you
get from acting in an opposite fashion, adds to the growth potential of the
method.
It takes some focus, but have fun with it. Make it a little game for
yourself. Don't forget to celebrate your small (or large!) victories when
you do ACT in the opposite fashion to your normal method of operating. This
provides more positive reinforcement for further growth.
Do the opposite.
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