mASF post by "Midnight"
posted on: mASF forum: Advanced Discussion, February 2, 2005It seems in this day and age that the majority of people stumbling through
their ordinary (half-asleep) lives don’t even pay a moments notice to
their overall body language and posture, or they do and they just don’t
care that their hunched over posture and sketchy body language makes them look
inhuman. And with the increased use of technology, cramped cubicles in the work
place, and a lack of physical exercise, most people are in dire need of some
improvement in how they come across to others.
The aforementioned people above who just don’t care may ask: why is it so
important? Nonverbal communication plays an extremely important role in
conveying an idea, message, persona, sales pitch – you name it. Who wants
to spend money on a fancy reclining chair from a squeaky voiced salesman whose
back resembles the letter C? We all know how important words are when it comes
to communication, but it is our body language, voice tone and attitude that
acts as a transport vehicle to deliver that message effectively and congruently
to the person we’re communication with.
Guys out there can learn all the skills in the world in the Venusian arts but
when they step out to test those skills, even if they'’ve mastered their
new abilities at an intellectual level, there'’s a good chance they
won’t get results because there’s no congruent behavior to deliver
the message they’re trying to convey at a physical level. It takes the
whole package of mental, physical and emotional congruence to ameliorate their
skill sets to a highly effective level.
There’s an important concept David D. introduced me to that goes as
follows: “[In the game of life] are you going to play big, or play
small?” Meaning, are you going to take something all the way or are you
just going to take the lazy and safe route and play small? You honestly need to
go all the way, balls to the wall and PLAY BIG to really become a powerful
persuader. It'’s a bit like method acting; you can'’t just read off a
few lines from a script and expect people to be moved by your performance. You
need to own the part completely, not just the words. You need to step into the
shoes of the character you'’re expressing and let every fiber of that
person you want to be flow through you.
Now that you'’re in the right mindset to easily become congruent with
whatever technique you'’re testing out, let'’s go over a few simple
methods that will allow you to fix your posture and improve your body language
profoundly. These are a collection of exercises that I’'ve taken from all
sorts of sources, from Tony Robins to the mysterious characters who cruise
mASF.
i. Posture
There is an unbelievable amount of people who need help in this area. Luckily,
there'’s a handful of tricks you can implement to make this easier for
you.
-The Cape: Imagine that you'’re wearing a long superhero’s cape and
you'’re not allowed to let the cape touch your back or legs. This
visualization will (aside from inducing a powerful self image) correct your
spine’s position naturally, and it feels really good to stretch out and
stand tall like this.
-Helium: Imagine that your chest is full of helium, this causes the same
results as the example above but I personally don’t like it as much even
though it does the job effectively.
-Chins Up: Walk tall and proud! The flat surface area under your chin should be
at a horizontal equal with the ground. Any higher looks snobby and, in my
opinion, should be avoided. Any lower and you look like a depressed party
pooper. Nobody likes a party pooper.
-Shoulders Back: Your shoulders should be pulled back comfortably. The cape
exercises above does this naturally which is why I’m partial to it.
ii. Body Language
Your body language should be congruent with whatever message you'’re
trying to convey. If you want to look like a cracked out junkie, your body
language would consist of shaky, fast movements, a real paranoid and hyper
look. Hopefully this isn'’t the message you'’re trying to convey and
if this is what you already do, I hate to tell you this but you look like a
cracked out junkie. Let'’s focus on where you’d like to be instead.
-Slow Down: What’'s the hurry? Try to decrease the speed of all of your
actions by 1/2 or until you find a nice slow and relaxed level. That includes
your gestures, the way in which you walk, how fast you speak, how quickly you
react to people calling your name, etc.
-Honey: A good visualization for you to take on to effectively manifest the
above is to imagine that you're walking through thick honey. Your movements
would be slow and graceful. Try this out and notice how much better it feels
than sharp gestures. Slow down your rhythm and notice how quickly you'’ll
discover your calm and natural pace. I imagine this is how we all moved before
the time of caffeine and other forms of poor conditioning.
-Eyes: As above your eyes should have a slow and natural look. Have you ever
seen someone’s wide eyes darting around the room violently? It looks
absolutely unnerving. Your eyes should radiate strength and warmth; smile with
your eyes more often as it'’s an extremely welcomed gesture by those who
are lucky enough to connect with it. Try this out with people and you’ll
be amazed by their response.
-Eye Contact: The amount of eye contact you can give someone depends on the
person. If they look like they have a strong sense of self, you can give them
100% eye contact without looking away and doing so will establish an amazingly
strong sense of rapport. Milton Erickson once said rapport was complete and
total focus on each other and nothing else in the environment. However, your
eyes need to be warm for this or else it'’ll come off as cold and awkward.
If the person looks like they'’re a bit unbalanced internally, you can
look away once and a while to give them some breathing room, per se.
They'’ll appreciate this as well because on some level it expresses that
you'’re on their level of comfort and usually after a while you can
gradually move to 100% eye contact with the person. Never look down when
breaking contact as it screams submissiveness.
-Proper Kino: When you'’re touching someone (setting anchors, increasing
rapport, etc) make sure you don'’t look at your hand while you touch them.
It instantly raises a question about the touch in both minds. Besides,
it'’s just a touch; what do you need to watch for? Keep your focus on
them, not your groping hands you creeps. ;)
-Spread out: Take up more room and spread yourself out. Uncomfortable people
tend to sit closed off and small hoping that the smaller they are the less
they'’ll be noticed. Your feet shouldn'’t be close together, spread
them apart so they'’re about shoulders width apart. In other words,
don'’t stand like a woman; unless you are one, of course.
-Gestures: For those of you who have problems moving your hands around too much
when speaking because of nervousness, try the following trick TD made popular.
Keep your thumbs in your back pockets. This helps keep your shoulders pulled
back as well as eliminate any distracting over-gesturing you may do. If you do
want to move your hands around to gesture as you speak, try to keep them as low
on your physical body as possible as well as trying to slow and smooth out the
actual movements.
iii. Tonality
Your voice tone is extremely important in communication. A weak and frail voice
instantly categorizes your message as weak and frail. A slow and husky voice
instantly categorizes your message as sexual. And because of that instant
categorization in the minds of your listeners, I hope the following techniques
will improve your voice tone and overall sound so you can be placed into a
better container.
-Soften: When you speak you’'re constantly spewing out both hard and soft
sounds. The soft sounds are derived from the vowels and the harder sounds come
from the consonants. In order to really soften out your words you must apply
the same soft texture of the vowels to the harder sounds that tend to harshly
interrupt the flow of the sentence. An easy way to do this is to very smoothly
stretch out the length of the vowel sounds and soften the edge of the
consonants. The vowels should, in a way, take over the harshness of the
consonants by maintaining the flow of the sound. For some reason this method of
speaking is a lot easier to listen to and understand, even for those whose
native tongue isn'’t English. It’'s hard to fully explain this
technique with text but experiment with what you say while keeping in mind:
gently stretch out the vowels while softening the consonants until your words
just flow like music.
-Chest: Speak from your chest, not from your nose or throat. A good way to
demonstrate words that come from your chest is to do the following exercise:
Take a deep breath and say wwwwwoooooooooooooooooooowwwwwww (as in wow, but
stretch out the ow sound) out loud using the entire breath. The benefit of this
is twofold, 1) You'’ll be loosening up your vocal chords and your voice
tone will drop to your natural level after doing it. 2) You'’ll also get
used to feeling what it's like to speak from your chest. You should feel a
marvelous resonance in your chest as you speak from that area. Combined with
the above softening technique, you can completely transform your voice into one
of a musical and melodious nature if you practice.
-Be Musical: Now I don’'t mean you should be all over the place with your
voice tone but please break the monotony of your voice if you sound boring. Use
your voice to actually express the message behind the words of what
you'’re saying. PLAY BIG. Get into it completely. Let it flow through you
and out of you. If you'’re telling a happy story, your voice should be
happy and excited!
-Slow Down: Similar to the body language section it’s important to slow
down your words to a calm flow. You can even take it one step further by
speaking in a rhythm. Then you can slow down that rhythm to induce and
intensify a trance in someone.
Because when you begin..... To speak in a rhythm.....You start to induce.....A
warm and cozy trance......In your listeners.....And when you find that
rhythm.....That puts people into trance....You become their whole world.....and
they’re completely.....and totally.....focused....on....you.
It takes practice, but it’'s all about getting in touch with a rhythm and
speaking to it. You can also watch the breathing rate of the person
you’'re speaking to and use that as the rhythm for a VERY profound effect
(speak when they’re exhaling or inhaling, pause when they'’re at that
middle point of the breath). You can even slow down their breathing with this
technique. If nothing else, please just slow down. There'’s no rush,
nobody will think you’re dense if you speak slowly and confidently; in
fact they'’ll like to listen to you more.
You'’ll find that as you slow down the rest of your body language, your
voice will slow down as well; the same goes for the rest of the changes as
well. So don'’t worry if it seems like I’'ve written about a lot of
things that you may need to work on. Every technique listed here has an effect
that cultivates another; standing up straight will improve your voice tone,
speaking in a rhythm will slow yourself down as well as your listeners. So
choose one you like, and work up and out from it until you’re where you
want to be completely.
I hope this post has been of some assistance to those with body language and
posture issues.
Midnight.
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