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Alright, so I've been thinking about this for the better part of the last two days or so and I think I've got it down at this point. I was thinking about the difference between the guys I know who are successful and the guys I know that seem to consistently struggle with chicks. And yeah, I came across the typical shit like having good BL and just being able to talk to people, but I found that I knew some dudes who had most of their shit taken care of but still couldn't really close consistently. And that kind of bothered me because on the surface it looked like they should be doing well, but just weren't. So I started putting myself in the middle of sets just to observe and see what was going on with them. And I was completely surprised when I started to figure out that a huge difference between guys who close consistently and guys who don't is how well they qualify their chicks.
Most of us think of qualifying as essentially a throwaway line that we toss in at some point in the set. It's something we use to make the chick feel like she's meeting our standards so that she thinks she's working for something, rather than just getting a free pass. The only problem with this is that usually she is just getting a free pass and we're totally bullshitting her most of the time. And this gets us into some deep shit sometimes.
The first major place where dudes get into trouble is just in getting themselves to qualify. My best buddy is a perfect example of this. Absolutely great dude, runs some of the best C+F stuff that I've ever seen. The only problem is that he just keeps running it. And keeps running it. I'll literally be standing there looking over at him wondering why he hasn't tried to close because he just runs C+F for hours. Now, you're gonna say that it's great, that he's maxing out her attraction before he goes to close. But the problem is that because there's so much coming at her, the chick does one of two things. Either the effect of it is going to wear off over time as she becomes desensitized to it, or she just starts to see him as a dancing monkey who runs all of this shit forever but doesn't really do anything. And so he consistently misses out on sets that he has in the bag.
So where does qualifying come in to this type of problem? We always see qualifying as our way of showing our attraction to her after she's already attracted to us. Well...that's not entirely right. C+F, DHV bullshit that you don't need to use, and anything else you're using to generate attraction don't actually generate attraction by themselves. They'll make a chick curious, but they're not going to get her attracted. The fucking weird part is when I tell you that when you qualify your attraction to something in her that's real, that's when she gets attracted.
So I first thought of this a couple weeks ago but didn't really believe it. I mean, I've closed so many sets where it seemed like there was no qualification or anything for this to be true. But in every set that I closed or saw someone else close, there was that one moment where her eyes changed and you just knew that it was game over, that it was guaranteed to happen. And I couldn't get away from the feeling that it was this idea of qualification.
To start off, there's the first type of qualifying that is pretty standard. You're asking some questions about her, you find something you really like, and you qualify her on that. When you do this right, it's like a fireworks show there's so many IOIs coming at you. The key with this type of qualification is to be authentic and real, and make it something that actually stands out about her. Don't give her the generic, "Yeah, you've got a cool personality." It'll work sometimes, but chicks want to hear something more than that. Just make it real, that's the best advice I can give you.
Now here's where shit starts to get a bit different. What guys need to understand is that there are so many different ways to qualify. Not all of them are even verbal qualifications. How many LRs have you seen where two people meet, talk for like five minutes, and then go fuck in the bathroom of the club? But you're thinking to yourself, "He didn't qualify, how the shit did he do that?" Well, he actually did qualify her. It just wasn't in any sort of normal way. Let's break it down. We have a chick who clearly wants to get with some dude. We have a guy, who would like some easy sex. They're talking, flirting, looking into each other's eyes for five minutes or so. And the whole time, their BL, EC, tonality is just screaming, "I want to have sex." And so this shit bounces between the two of them, but neither person really backs away from it, neither one tries to deny it. And so it's essentially nonverbal qualification for just sex right there and nothing else. Because this signals are being sent out and aren't being rejected, it essentially amps up the attraction between the two and allows it to happen.
So now we have the two extremes, one where there's no verbal qualification at all, and another where it's complete and almost deadly serious verbal qualification. These two things seem to have nothing in common, it's like they're on completely different wavelengths. Shit, even as I was writing this I was like, "I really hope that I can put this together by the end...because right now it's all over the place." So what's the constant, what's the link that makes these two things actually the same? It's fucking basic actually. They're both showing your attraction to something true and genuine inside of her. In the first example, you're coming out and saying that you really like some part of her and are attracted to it. In the other one, you're just saying that you're attracted to her sexuality and can be part of that too.
So now we get to the part where shit gets really cool. Most sets fall somewhere in between these two extremes. So why is this important? Well not only does it tell you that your BL, facial expressions, and EC are just as important as what you're saying (as we've been saying in the community for years), but it also tells you that you have to change your style of qualification depending on the feel of the set. You couldn't walk up to the chick in the first set and use the same nonverbal qualifiers and expect them to work. You couldn't get really deep with the chick in the second set and expect that to work. And any set in the middle is going to be somewhere between these two extremes. The effectiveness of your qualification is going to be based on not only how real and genuine it is, but also how well it matches the energy and feel of the set.
The problem here is that there's no formula, no set plan to deal with this. Every set is going to be different and you're going to have to tailor your shit to the set. When you maintain a really strong frame, you draw the set to a closer range of styles that you'll need to use, just because your shit isn't going to be all over the spectrum, but at the same time, there's still going to be variance from set to set. You're going to have to play around to find where that point is, and to be honest, you're always going to have to. It's going to be impossible to nail every set perfectly, but once you start tuning in to the right type of qualification for the set, you can become more and more effective. I think I just ran out of shit to say also.
Anyways, I think that makes sense, even if it didn't to begin with. Questions or comments are always welcome. Cool.
