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So I said I’d FT more of these ideas that seemed to work in a very specific type of situation. Here is what happened when I tried to make the Balancing t-Act-ic more consistent, polished, and usable for others. These are the ends; I’ll post the means in Tactics/Techniques. I wanted to get this out while it was still fresh in my mind. This is kind of long.
Side note: I found it interesting that DatPhatPimp mentioned the playwrite style my last LR. This made me realize something about my lifestyle that I have never really considered before. I am guilty of living my whole life as if I’m on screen all of the time (guilty- not ashamed or going to apologize). My concrete belief that the world is working on my behalf is the reason why I push things to the extreme.
Best I can tell my life tends to be two part drama, three parts romantic comedy, one part actual comedy, and one part hard-core porno… I guess it’s also ½ part documentary now that I share field reports with you guys.
With this attitude, I find it hard to not approach in a confident way. My life= my story, and YOU, HBRandom, are just another character in another act of my on-going film. If you’re a good girl, I’ll let you stay all season without recasting you.
I have a few ideas to make this world-view more explicit in day-to-day interactions; I’ll FT, then post. Thanks, DPP, for pointing out something that I should have been actively exploiting long ago. As far as the writing structure goes, I think I’ll keep that framework in my all my FR from now on.
CAST
Me- Twenty something with an entrepreneurial spirit and drive. I’m a Root beer Connoisseur with an all-or-nothing attitude.
HBSpeechless*- She’s a 9 the hard way. She is wicked smart and normally stone cold, but there wasn’t too much frost on the path I walked with her. She has a healthy ego and virtually no daddy-issues to speak of. All in all, a real catch, definite LTR material. She’s used to getting hit on and has heard more pickup lines than I have- maybe not the best person to try new concepts on, but hey, it works in the movies, doesn’t it?
HBDuck*- An 8. HBSpeechless’s friend and ward that night. Cool girl- really sweet and has a brain, too. She has all the traits of an ugly duckling type. She had apparently fallen for a dick-head that had dumped her for a freshman virgin (she herself had been a sophomore virgin not 4 months ago). According to my estimation, by the time he’s 30, he will have worked his way down through college, HS, Junior HS, elementary, and then he will have to resort to dating pregnant women as a ploy woo their unborn children. Anyway, she was on the rebound.
*These girls are exceptional in a way that I was not expecting. You guys will have to read on to see, but I assure you, they make a great team.
AMOGHelper- Raspy voice with a faux-hawk. I don’t know this guy. I hadn’t seen him before, but I’m grateful to him.
Bartender- I actually knew bartender from HS. Quick with a joke or a light up your smoke, but there’s some place that he’d rather be.
FUG- I don’t know, some fucking ugly girl.
Chorus- My social circle for the night. Nine’s company, ten’s a crowd.
LOCATION:
A hip bar outside my home town. I didn’t think I’d have any social proof that night, but thanks to you, Bartender, I had a start.
I dressed sharp. I figured since I was FTing a balancing tactic, I might as well go all out. I wore comfortable, albeit very nice shoes as a solid foundation. Trendy jeans- well cut and not too tight. I had an expensive t-shirt that was made to look as if it was not expensive at all. Over this I wore a vertically lined shirt that looked like it was, but wasn’t actually, from a high-end dept. store. To top it all off, I wore a sports jacket that matched the belt and the shoes.
GROUNDWORK:
I know that this approach is going to be controversial (I can see the scandal right now), but I wanted to see if I could figure this one out.
Me: Hey, man, long time no see
(Fluff. We had different social circles back in the day, but we were always on friendly terms at parties and what not)
Me: Slow night, I see, but can you do me a favor (it was final’s week and Tuesdays aren’t that exciting as it is, but it was a damn sight better than anything that was going on in MY town)?
(we laughed pretty hard over our obnoxiousness. I have no idea why we didn‘t hang out more in HS)
Me: Look, when you do it, send me a text to get my attention (give number), that’s all I‘m asking.
THE APPROACH: SORT OF
I got lucky with the crowd that night. It actually did get a little busy, so I was able to approach and have a bit of fun. I was on my third set (mixed) when my phone started buzzing. It was time. I read the text “the brunette, Don Juan”, turned toward the bar and saw HBSpeechless and HBDuck looking at me. Bartender was also looking and had a shit-eating grin on his face. I raised my San Pellegrino (I don’t really drink that much) in cheers, gave the winningest smile I’ve ever given in my life and turned back around to talk to my 4set.
SOCIAL PROOF
No one in the set was single, so I merged them to the first set I opened that night. I was just trying to keep things fun (this wasn’t too hard, as no one had finals the next day- guess they all had the same idea of abusing the free time). I merged again with the second set of the night on the pretext of coming up with a drinking game on the spot. This seemed to keep everyone entertained- I’ll use this gambit again.
My Ad Hoc Drinking Game goes like this:
I couldn’t participate in the actual drinking (I drove myself to the bar and was flying solo), so I was forced to take on the lowly role of emcee (man, you guys know how I hate being the Master of Ceremonies. What a fucking bummer, there’s no social proof in bossing everyone around and pointing out their quirks.
Twenty minutes later, things are rolling, and I’m having a blast. The Drinking is working great and everyone is getting pretty comfortable with each other. It’s technically a 9set, with people coming in and out of my conversation. We had pushed tables together and were being kind of loud- but really fun, too. We were just having a good time. AMOGHelper and I were feeding off each other, and together, we made sure that our part of the room was THE part to be.
(AMOGHelper was the alpha-male of the second set I approached that night, and he was the only one who was willing to help me manage the chorus)
I hadn’t really looked at HBSpeechless since I “cheers’ed” her, but I could sense that she was at least curious by now, so I tried an experiment. I hit the table twice with my hands and then clapped. Rinse and repeat, and we had WE WILL ROCK YOU up in dat joint. I knew that everyone would follow, but I wanted them to know that, too. They followed.
The rest of the bar was looking at us, so I had to think fast: go big or go home.
Me: Here’s the plan. When I get to the brunette at the bar, cheer for me alright? Wait about five minutes, then introduce yourself.
THE APPROACH: PROPER
I walked more or less in time with the beat, and everyone was paying attention. Bartender was ducking for cover- ye of little faith. I arrived and:
Chorus: Cheer! (Wasn’t perfect… some people got the point a little late, but it had the right effect).
HBSpeechless was, well, speechless.
Me: This always happens, this ALWAYS happens. Every fucking time. I swear I can’t take them anywhere. Anyway, I see you liked the drink, don’t bother saying thank you or anything, that’d be really mean. I forgive you… this once.
Fuck these girls were sharp as tacks. Not regular tacks, either. Tacks made out of razor-blades and that feeling you get when you see the only girl that you have ever promised to NOT run game on fuck some d-bag at a party when you know it should have been ME sexing her- fuck you, HBPivot, you suck. Yeah, like that kind of “sharp”.
ATTRACTION:
Me: You ever take a drink of water and find out its really a glass of vodka?
We bantered back and forth a little while longer. I forget all that was said, but it was more of the same. They were good at it, I wish I could find more HB’s that can hang. Once it was clear that they weren’t going to get the upper hand in a battle of words, they hit me with the shit tests.
HBSpeechless (eye coding again) So Trystan, Huh? You got a girlfriend? No? You should buy me another drink and we can talk some more. (I was wondering when she was going to bring this up. I knew what she was doing, but she was really good at making it sound half-sincere)
Two tests past; one to go.
HBDuck (eye coding) Unshakeable, huh?
FUG: (didn’t hear any of this, but happened to look over at the perfect moment)
HBDuck/Speecheless: (both look at me incredulously and bust out laughing)
Me: (looking pathetic) I’m just trying to win her back. She left me for a one-legged duck. I fucking hate water fowl. I just want to make her a little jealous, not piss her off, so if you could remove your hand from my ass; and YOUR eyes from my crotch, that would really be doing me a solid (big smile)
I was in… finally.
COMFORT:
With an unspoken appreciation for each other’s intelligence, we started a conversation about nothing. This unspoken truce was such a relief. We let our guards down and really started to talk to each other.
AMOGHelper showed up late (he had his hands full handling the crowd on his own; he lost most of them). I introduced him to the HB’s and Bartender. We all made nice and AMOGHelper winged me. I kind of got the feeling that HBDuck let herself be winged. It was obvious that AMOGHelper was a bit out of his league, but he was an AMOG, none the less. He was attractive and funny, and HBDuck WAS on the rebound after all. Good for them.
Another 30 minutes went by. During this time HBSpeechless and me were sizing up one another. We made some serious EC, and I knew it was time to isolate. Here‘s how it happened:
Me: So, do I have to come up with something really clever to get you alone for a while, or are we past the façade? (standing up and holding out hand; impish grin)
HBDuck thought this was hilarious, AMOGHelper was wide eyed in disbelief:
HBSpeechless: We’re past it… but just because I’m a bit of a sadist, I WOULD like to hear what you would’ve tried.
OUTSIDE: CLOSE
When we were outside, I didn’t say much, I just went for the kiss. She let me. She tasted like Hot Girl.
HBSpeechless: So it’s late. We knew this moment was going to come--
We exchanged numbers and set up a day2 on the spot. I was hoping for something low-key… or way over the top, I don’t know, I’m not a fortune-teller. At this point I wasn’t even sure if I could keep up with this girl if she was ALWAYS this… playful. My head was already hurting from trying to stay at least one step ahead of them, and my creativity only stretches so far.
We went back inside and I said “bye” to my new friends and to Bartender. I had a lot to think about.
Day2:
This part is short and that is because there just isn’t that much to write about. All the actual work had already been done.
The phone game was easy- we had already set up the meet. We joked around a little and confirmed.
Her roommates had gone home for the summer, so we decided that her town would be better (it was so obvious). I was the one who made the drive, so I made her show me around. Aside from the occasional play on words, there wasn’t a whole lot of colorful dialogue. It was like we had come to some ethereal agreement: our meeting was so bizarre, that we HAD to keep a low-profile. This gave our whole Day2 the feeling that there was a really playful undertone, without the need for doing anything really playful- all in all, it was wicked comfy.
We hit up the local Blockbuster and headed back to her place.
SEDUCTION:
Sorry to disappoint, but there wasn’t any special tactic here. It was just like our kiss close. We had made it so explicit that we liked each other, that all I had to do was start kissing her. Escalation was the same. We started on the couch, and found our way throughout the rest of the house. I’ll keep most of the details to myself; but I will add that this ending is a nice “ bookend“. The approach was way over the top, and comfort was way low-key. With all that playfulness suppressed for most of the day, the actual sex ended up being pretty over the top as well… and she still tasted like hot girl.
BREAKDOWN
The Balancing Act:
-Yes, I bought her a drink, but I had Bartender give it to her. This is not too original, but it is also not the standard way that AFC’s do it. Ultimately this was me supplicating.
-I acknowledged that she was there, but then I ignored her. This changed the situation a little bit. I was no longer completely supplicant. I shall giveth and I shall taketh away.
-I built up social proof. I established myself as the emcee. Pointing out everyone’s quirks was another way of telling them that I am more socially aware than they are, and since it’s a game, I can do this without being a dick or a try-hard. BTW, I’ll also FT this drinking game idea some more and post about it later.
-I was not the standard AFC buying a girl a drink anymore. I was instead the AMOG who, in all his magnanimity, decided to do something nice for somebody of lower value. The situation changed more. I was now giving from a place of power; not a place of need.
-I went balls-out. Shows courage, but telegraphs interest once again.
-We talked and normal conversation was way out of the picture. (balancing out every boring-ass conversation that could have likely come up in our bar setting)
Ultimately, I tried to send them a mixed message so they could not quite categorize me. The point was to balance out the supplicating buy-a-girl-a-drink-frame with never supplicating once afterward until we were in comfort (at that point it was ok for me to give a little). I think that if this had been average-minded girls, I would have been “in” with, “I didn’t mean to break your friend, can I fix her?” This is just a hunch, but I’ll try it again.
I don’t think I’ll have another chance to go so over the top, but I don’t feel that it was entirely necessary, anyway. I’m sure I can nix We Will Rock You, and just go in with, “I see you enjoyed the drink, don’t bother saying thank you or anything,” then proceed with banter from there. We’ll see, I’ll let you guys know the responses I get when I put the how-to’s in the tactics/techniques.
A reminder, the point of this FT was to see if I could balance out a very common negative frame- perhaps the most cliché negative frame of all.
My theory is that all circumstantial frames, have a balance point, and it doesn’t matter how far you push that frame, so long as you end up in the middle. Balance means comfort, and comfort is where most of the game is played.
I understand that this post doesn’t prove this theory true, but I think the overall experience is a step in the right direction- I bought a girl a drink, and I still closed her.
-Trystan
P.S. One day I'll figure out how to make these things shorter
Bartender: Been awhile…
Bartender: Probably.
Me: Here’s money (shell out $20). You know the crowd that comes here. When you see the girl that you know is going to be the hottest girl that will come in here all night, use this to buy her drink.
Bartender: Dude… that’s lame.
Me: (while making my voice sound stupid and patronizing) Gee, thanks Hitch, you just saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life. I’m a social cripple and I sure am lucky to have you as my personal crutch--
Bartender: (mimicking voice) oh, gee, I guess I’m just a stupid bartender, who’s never seen this done before. Gosh, I think you’re the first guy to ever think of this, you’re so smooth.
Bartender: I’m already getting embarrassed for you, man. I should give this to a fucking hell-beast just to teach you a lesson.
Me: Just do it, I know what I’m doing (I had know idea what I was doing).
Anything that I would normally use as a neg, I would assign a drinking-rule to. Example: every time SHE say’s “anyways” instead of “anyway,” all the girls have to take two drinks; Anytime HE slouches, all the guys have to take a long drink. After the rules are established, you just start shooting the shit and wait for someone to fuck up.
AMOGHelper: You seriously want me to start a cheer.
Me: You’re already clapping…
AMOGHelper: (looks down and notices that he is) Think your gonna get five minutes, huh?
Me: I’m an eternal Optimist- it‘s a curse. It’ll either work really well or… you’ll have to dry my eyes for the night. I don’t really care, just don’t leave me hanging if I crash and burn- we’re old friends now, so don‘t forget.
AMOGHelper: Good luck, bro.
HBSpeechless: (finding her voice) Thanks--
Me: Oh, and you’re both invited to the party, by the way. It’s right over there, see? (pointing to Chorus).
You see I own this place, my name is Mr. Monkey. You know, Monkey, as in the bar’s name (thanks for this one, Craig), and you’re my 10,000,000 customer, so congratulate yourself.
HBDuck: (giggle)
Me: Hey, what are you laughing at, Chuckles?
HBDuck: (giggles more)
HBSpeechless: (Speechless again)
Me: I can see that you’re over come with excitement, I know how that is. See, I’m REALLY shy, and I don’t like to put myself on the line in bizarre ways. It’s way too risky, what if nobody likes it? But I should really stop living my life in fear, in fact, starting tomorrow, I’m going to do something really crazy for the very first time in my life. Yep, starting tomorrow morning.
HBDuck: Her name’s HBSpeechless, I’m HBDuck… you must be Insane (says with a smile)
Me: Sure, but I pronounce it Trystan. Look, I didn’t mean to break your friend here, can I fix her?
HBSpeechless: I’m not broken (shaky and a little cold)
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that, you skipped a little bit just now, just now, just now, oops, now I doing it. Well I’ll just I’ll follow form, skip myself this round and pass the banter on to you (point to HBDuck)… since we’re playing that game, I see.
HBDuck: I’ve got nothing… skip. (looks to HBSpeechless and starts to Eye Code they seem to regain their composure)
HBSpeechless: (wicked grin and cool as a cucumber now)You know you’re just encouraging him. He’ll probably light the bar on fire to get your attention, but only after buying you dinner for being the 39th person to show up without a hat tonight. Then he’ll accuse you of being rude, but say that it is ok, because he’s the king of the world- and he is willing to forgive you- nay, “fix” you even… but only this one time.
HBDuck: (gaining momentum- but with a giggle to remove some of the sting) Yeah, meanwhile his majesty’s entourage can clamber out old show tunes while he does the Charleston atop a unicorn just to make his way across the room.
HBSpeechless: No, he’s probably WAY too “shy” to do something like that.
HBSpeechless: Oh, are we not what you expected?
Me: Meh, I guess not (I tried to make that sound as dismissive as I could). Anyway, who told you about the unicorn thing? I wouldn’t have guessed that you knew anybody from George Clooney’s and my social circle- but there I go being presumptuous again… I just didn’t think that we knew the same people, that’s all.
HBSpeechless: (laughing finally) Nice name drop.
Me: Yeah, well don’t tell anyone. I don’t want it to get around that he actually KNOWS me, the press already bugs him enough as it is. They’d keep on him about what I’m really like once the cameras are off. They’d use him to get to me- I just can’t do that to a friend. Oh, and by the way, The night the unicorn thing happened, I was drunk, ok? I was DRUNK, and the Charleston was actually Brad and Angelina’s idea. I thought it would be more appropriate to do a salsa since I was approaching a Latina, but they said that if Shakira actually did decide to join in, she would probably make me look bad- guess they had a point.
Me: You see, I would, but I ran three marathons earlier and my legs are way too tired to jump through your hoops… and besides, I have three older sisters, so I’m immune to these little tests- compared to them, your amateurs… I’m unshakeable.
Me: Not a word of it a lie.
HBSpeechless: (giving me DDB eyes and kinoing me) I’m sure that’s not true.
HBDuck (catching on and doing the same) There must be something.
Me: (Must have been the San P. getting to me, but I could swear that if I had kino’d back, it WOULDN’T have screwed everything up, but I decided to play it safe, just in case). Fuck no, I’m cooler than the other side of a pillow (they couldn’t help but laugh a little when I said this). Besides, I’m just using both of you to make HER jealous (point to FUG)
HBSpeechless: (eye coding) Ok, sit down.
Me: (I knew it was buying into her frame by answering, but I respected her and figured she earned it) Oh, I didn’t have a trick or anything. I just thought I saw that One-legged duck walk by just now. I was wanting you to hold him down for me while I introduce him to my bad-side.
HBSpeechless: (amused) Well, we can’t just let him get away.
Me: (it is reasons like this that make me happy that theatre was more popular than sports growing up)Yeah, I know. The moment when I break your heart. Just know that I didn‘t mean for this to happen- but here we are. I was trying, damn it, I was trying. You… do understand, don’t you?
HBSpeechless: Do you want my number or not?
Me: Yes, ma‘am. (I was going to bring it up if she didn’t)
