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I just want to say right off that I am using this word unnattached to any other uses or explanations behind it, I know it is a much-talked-about topic, and I just want to start from scratch.
I mean, it's not natural to be positive all the time, or at least you wouldn't ASSUME it was. People often comment on that about me - Mr Positive, that kind of shit. Which is fine, really, but it is why I want to make this point.
Positivity, as I see it, is the ingrained knowledge that whatever comes at you, you are equipped to deal with it or gain from it.
I see two states when it comes to manhood - there is the man, and the child. The Man already knows what to do, and is doing it, the child is watching and learning.
So, it's like this. When you want to learn something, the best way is to switch into a child state - eager, inquisitive, watching closely, and experimenting. Once you've learned it, you are in a Man state - out there, doing, saying, knowing, not thinking too hard about it.
I stay positive by always knowing when to be in which state. For example, when I am faced with a challenge, say a really busy day at work or a girl that is just not giving me an inch, I switch into child mode to deal with it. I watch people that can handle the lunch rush really well, I talk to them, ask questions, experiment. I examine a girl, look at the way she holds herself, try to see if I can spot where she is in her head (I am getting good at that), I ask her questions and tease her and play with her. Learn her.
And when I am not challenged, well I just let myself do my thing.
NEGATIVITY to me is synonymous with defensive. Trying to keep the bad things at bay. But me, I love the bad things, they make me grow, I love to understand them.
I can't HELP but be positive with a perfect method of dealing with any problem.
Positivity being of course the general belief that things will turn out in my favour because I am equipped.
Example of how being positive has helped me.
But, of course, trying to fool myself into always being positive is not a good thing. This I learned the hard way, after giving away too much and letting people walk on me without punishment.
Example - old girlfriend cheated on me with good friend, in my house, I said "fine by me" and kept partying.
Now, this is where it gets tricky for me: Admitting to myself when something is truly a problem. Admitting when I have been wronged or when a challenge is too big/hard for me. The thing that comes with those feelings is DEFENSIVENESS, negativity.
The point I wanted to make with this post is that I realized it is FINE to be cranky, mad or whatever every now and then. It feels good, actually, I let myself get mad about something today and I got into a bad mood and in the end I really learned a lot about the situation. Because what happens when you LET yourself feel negativity is that it PASSES, and then you feel fucking great. I learned today that I am not going to be able to do something I have been looking forward to doing all year: and I let myself get mad, and then it passed, and now I am fine. The other thing I could have done is try to cram myself into doing it when the logistics just weren't right, and it would have sucked. I was beaten, I can't go on the trip, it sucks, but I got over it.
I guess, to sum up, I have made two points here: 1) Positivity is easy, and powerful, and productive. 2)Escaping into a positive mindset by ignoring negative things is destructive. Sometimes forcing a positive mindset on yourself is unhealthy.
Further to that, and maybe more on topic with this forum, girls EXPECT a little bit of emotion from you from time to time. Not only is it not bad, it can be re-assuring to them, and it can go along way to strengthening the trust they have in your positivity. I realize that this is getting rambling but I want to make one more point.
There is a difference between being reasonable and unreasonable, and as long as you are always reasonable then feeling emotions like anger or jealousy or whatever are FINE, and normal.
Unreasonable - bitching, overreacting, sulking, attacking.
Reasonable - admitting your negative feelings calmly. "I don't mean to be cold, it's not personal, I am still mad about my trip".
-New guy comes into the social circle, way radder than I am, totally threatening to me. Unsure about how to deal with those emotions in myself. Went with - During discussion about him by social group, chiming in positively "I think he is an attractive man." Played out very well for me, and in the end he didn't steal anything from me, he is on my side.
