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I was at the Hamptons this past weekend. For those not from this part of the country, it’s an very upscale area of Long Island, NY with beautiful beaches, bars and people from NYC. On the downside, it’s very expensive to live there for the summer, the traffic is ridiculous, and some of the fucktards from the city can be really annoying. If you have some good hookups (I do), you can be insulated to a certain degree from the annoyances. The nightlife revolves around during hours and after-hours parties at the summer shares and McMansions. They are hosted by regular schlubs to celebrities. Depending on who you know. I have been going here for about 15 years, and aside from the general douchebaggery by people with more money than brains, it is a beautiful and a helluva lot of fun.
So I broke up with my LTR last week. What did Chris Rock say?
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“Commitment will give you a headache every now and then but new pussy always clears your mind.” I was ready for some new pussy.
It is daytime (must be, the sun is shining bright). Everyone is wearing some sort of Hampton Geek Squad uniform: guys in blazers over polo shirts with madras shorts; women in short party dresses and bling-bling. I have on some Lost boardshorts, a Hurley t-shirt and Reef sandals, two-day stubble and a fading black eye from an inadvertent elbow during my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class. It’s a benefit for Breast Cancer or a magazine launch—I don’t remember—but I am rolling with a group of people who are friends of friends.
I see a beautiful girl sitting down talking with friends. I observe her for a while interacting with her friends and people around her, her body language», voice and facial expressions. My intuition tells me she’s pretty genuine. I can’t think of a clever nickname that starts with “HB” so I’ll just call her Lisa. We exchange some eye contact from across the party. I take my time walking up to her. Talking to some people along the way. I glance up at her every now and then slight smile that tells her, “yeah…I’m coming over to talk to you, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” The intermittent EC, and her curiosity keeps her there, the relaxed and NOT overtly cocky way that I am doing it, doesn’t make her want to walk away to teach me a lesson. When I am a few yards away, I give her the sexy smile, stick out my hand and say:
“How you doing. I’m Lifeguard.”
The anticipation has made her a little giddy which is cute. We talk for a while about about general, boring stuff—where do live, who do you know, etc. Then some guy who is with her group (everybody here travels in cliques do to the summer share situation) comes over. He’s bouncing around with some nervous energy, wringing his hands. He is kinda of sweaty and talks fast. I’ll refer to him as Bruce.
“Hey Lisa…we gotta go.” Blah, blah…dinner reservations, somebody has to get ready..blah, blah, he’s telling her.
Lisa gives me the “look-what-I-gotta-put-up-with" eyes.” We stand up and are side by side. I put my arm around her shoulder, give her a squeeze, look down at her and tell her I’ll see her later. I go to shake Bruce’s hand. He doesn’t know what to do and gives me the dead fish handshake.
I don’t see Lisa that night but the next night I am at a busy club and run into her. It’s late and everybody in both of our groups have been partying. I observe that she isn’t all sloppy or coked up like some bimbos there. She scores points with me. We do a lot of playful flirting this time around. Some more sexual type kino. I pull the old trick where she’s sitting at a table, and I’m standing. I grab her hand and tell her to stand up for a sec, and then I switch seats and pull her on my lap. She puts her arm around my shoulder and asks me if I have a girlfriend.
“We just broke up a few days. Great girl but we are two different people, going in different directions.” As I say this, I put my two index fingers together and move them slowly apart.
She grabs them and asks jokingly: “Oh…I see. It was the: ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing.”
“Yeah...something like that. I’m not looking for anything serious right now. Maybe in the future but not right now.”
She was like, oh...that’s cool. I understand. Then she talked about her career and some of her dating experiences. Then out of nowhere some random chick pulls a Brittney Spears and throws up right next to us.
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F’real...I swear. I tell her to strap on some dignity and walk it off. Our respective groups takes this as a sign to head to the after hours party.
There’s this sort of fake confusion about whose car to get into to the drive back since we all seem to be headed to the same party. I get in a car and Lisa climbs in and sits on my lap. It’s a tight fit. Bruce, the orbiter, is a little pissed because he’s in the ginormous Benz with some empty seats.
I split up with Lisa at the party for a bit. It’s loud and crowded inside. Then I see her talking to some other guy. I walk up slow, sit down, put my hand under her chin and kiss her. For about 10 seconds. I look at her and say, “Let’s go for a walk.”
Other Guy practically trips over an ottoman trying to get out of our way. Lisa and I walk down the street and end up at my place. A few of my housemates are talking and drinking in the kitchen. I introduce them to Lisa. They ask us if we want a drink. I decline and we say good night and head upstairs.
The next morning is not awkward. I laid my cards on the table last night about not wanting to get serious and so there’s no phony “I’ll call you soon” or “Let’s make plans to do so and so.” I haven’t been with another woman in about 8 months so this was nice.
My mind is clear.
~Lifeguard~
http://datingskillsforrealmen.blogspot.com/
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really ridiculously
good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is."
