David DeAngelo is the creator of Double Your Dating, which is reviewed on this site.
>>>QUESTION:
Dave,
Thank you for your book. I have purchased it and have begun using it. Already paying dividends. I have a question that you may have answered in a previous newsletter but I somehow missed it. Is it possible to "re-attract" someone who may have blown you off as too easy or a wussy? How long should you wait to see if you can somehow, cleverly get this woman interested in you again? We don't move in the same circles but I have started to be around where she is so I can "ignore" her or make a cocky come back to her. Any suggestions or advice?
TW in Texas
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The reason why you don't hear me talking about this particular topic is because it's a tough one.
The problem is usually that when a woman gets to the point where she doesn't want to be with a particular man, there may be a lot of factors involved.
1. She has made a mental decision that this isn't what she wants anymore.
2. She has a gut-level emotional feeling associated with the man and the situation, and she just doesn't "feel it" anymore for the man.
3. There are usually patterns of communication, thought, and feeling in these situations that act as further nails in the proverbial coffin.
And to make matters even worse, most guys make the huge mistake of doing EXACTLY THE WRONG THINGS when a woman does leave... to the point where they make it virtually impossible that she's going to change her mind.
All in all, it's typically a lot easier to just get on with your life and start dating other woman than it is to try to get a woman back.
With that said, I'll share some ideas that might help you get to the next level, whether you decide that getting her back is what that level is, I'll leave to you.
So what are the mistakes men make that seal the deal and make it almost impossible to get a woman back?
Here are a few:
1. Acting like a NEEDY WUSS. This is a big one. Here's the situation: Woman leaves, man feels strong emotions of depression, strong physical cravings for her, and creates strong psychological rationalizations for trying to get her back. This leads to calling, visiting, confessing love, crying, and other similar behaviors.
Unfortunately, most guys don't think for even a SECOND about what the WOMAN is seeing. And in most cases, the woman is already disgusted with the situation. This kind of wuss display only makes things 10 times worse.
2. Letting it destroy their lives. It sucks when you lose someone you love. I believe that humans naturally feel depressed and upset when they lose someone they love...
But the problems start when you stop living, and you let the emotions take over. Instead of staying involved with life, some guys let depression and feelings of sadness control them, and wind up spiraling into even worse states of mind and body than they were in when the breakup happened originally.
This, of course, can be pretty bad.
3. Pining away over the woman for weeks, months, or even years after the fact. Too many guys (and women) will just sit around hoping that their relationship "fixes itself". This creates all kinds of negative emotional states, unrealistic expectations, and strange vibes when you do communicate with the ex.
So what's the answer?
Well, in general, when a relationship comes to an end, you need to GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Stay busy, get things going.
Don't allow negative emotions to create a permanent belief that you'll never feel better again.
The strange truth is that if you want to cause someone who you've had a relationship with to feel ATTRACTION again for you, you're going to have to do basically the same things that you'd do with someone NEW that you meet.
I get emails every week from guys who have read my book or been exposed to what I teach that write in to say that they've been "practicing on their ex" and that the ex is responding by flirting, calling more often, and feeling more attraction for them.
And never forget the power of jealousy. If your ex learns that you're getting on with your life and seeing other people, she's FAR more likely to take a renewed interest in you.
In other words, if you sit around and sulk you're not going to become more attractive.
If you call all the time and beg for forgiveness, or talk about how much you miss her, or whine and cry, this will probably only drive her further away from you.
Just like when you meet an attractive woman who's used to getting a lot of attention from men... you must GIVE HER THE SPACE TO MISS YOU. You need to get on with your life, don't call often, play "hard to get", tease her and have fun, and let her know that you're dating other people and moving forward to enjoy your life.
THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT CREATES THAT MAGICAL GUT-LEVEL ATTRACTION that I'm always talking about.
By the way, I honestly believe that women can tell ALMOSTINSTANTLY if you're the kind of man that she's going to feel ATTRACTION for.
How?
By the way you look at her, the way you hold yourself, the way you speak to her, and kinds of things you say.
When you download my eBook "Double Your Dating", one of the THREE free bonus booklets that's included is called "The 8 Personality Types Of Men Who NATURALLY Attract Women".
This is a description of the traits I've found to be common among men who ARE successful with women, and men who AREN'T successful with women.
If you've downloaded the book, I recommend that you re-read that booklet to refresh your mind with the concepts.
If you haven't downloaded it yet, then go here:
...now and get it.
Now, if you REALLY want to take your success with women to the next level FAST, you need to ALSO get my CD/DVD Advanced Dating Techniques program.
This takes the concepts you're learning about in these newsletters of mine, and goes MUCH deeper with them. I spend several hours teaching the theories and concepts BEHIND the techniques, so you can work to change on MANY levels.
All the details, plus video samples, are here:
And I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
