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After years and years of abuse it has finally stopped. Everyone notices this change in me. I need to write this down.
Hatred, criticism, too high expectations, physical and psychological abuse. This happens everyday to everyone. Because this is not abuse from your parents, friends, strangers or even from the government. I'm talking about personal abuse, you do this to yourself.
This creates every imaginable inner game» problem.
Rejection? You believe you have to feel bad about not getting what you want because you didn't deserve it in the first place.
Depression? You believe you need to be happy so you punish yourself by feeling even worse.
Nervousness? You believe you need to do everything right always, you know this isn't possible so you punish yourself.
Fear of loss? You believe you can have things and if you lose them you are bad, so you punish yourself even before getting the thing you lose (rejection pain).
How you feel is just the outcome of your belief system and what you do with the energies in your body.
So find why you feel bad about certain things, find out the underlying belief and then eliminate it.
Next work with the energies that flow in your body (emotion = energy in motion). Eliminate the bad feeling and feel more and more of the good feelings. Learn about chakras, even if you don't believe in that stuff, its good to practice the chakra meditations to learn about your body.
The ideal state you want to be, and I believe everyone on this planet, even if they don't know it or deny it is:
FEELING AWESOME EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR EXISTENCE
Think about this for a moment. This is what you are doing with your life. This is why you need women. You don't want sex or the beauty, you just want to feel great. You want to feel loved.
If you want to feel loved all the time just...
LOVE THYSELF
This means forgiving yourself everything. If you screw up, do something in a wrong way, don't have the thing you want now - forgive yourself and move on. Accept the way you are right now. Like yourself, as you are, today. Just know where you are heading towards and believe that you will become that. Feel as if you were there already. No need to struggle.
How do you do this? What does it mean to love yourself?
Here's the practical advice, write this down on your forehead:
This requires training. From now on whenever you feel bad, whenever you criticize yourself, feel sad, lonely etc. whenever you are ABUSED BY YOURSELF.
STOP
Accept everything how it is, love yourself, life and everything by simply finding pleasure in your existence right now.
This isn't easy and is in fact scary. Because in order to do this you must completely SURRENDER. Stop controlling yourself, analyzing yourself, planning yourself, defending yourself. Because loving yourself every moment means you will do things that you don't necessarily want to do. And when you do them, you won't feel bad, in fact you will feel good. Imagine that. You screw up, get rejected, get embarassed, hurt somebody, hurt people you care about, lose everything you need - these things will happen, but still... you will like yourself.... and you will feel good about yourself. If you don't believe this is possible, you won't do this. If you still believe you SHOULD feel bad about things, anything, even the darkest things, I mean like sick shit, then you will feel bad for the rest of your life. Happiness won't ever come, no matter how much you score and how much you keep on improving yourself and your life.
Why do you think chicks were crazy for Charles Manson? He had a following of women, even when he was in jail. Why? Cause he felt good about everything he did, even killing people.
Charles Manson loves and accepts himself completely. And that is the fucking definition of ATTRACTIVENESS.
If you think this is wierd shit, I feel sorry for you. Good luck with trying to be happy. Simply SURRENDER and feel the force of feeling awesome because you like yourself and you love everyone and everything no matter how things are or what you do and think. I grant you permission for this. Trust me. Love will free you.
What I'm going to write here is so simple that it will probably be discarded easily because it sounds almost stupid. But if you understand this, every word of it, you will never want to return to the life you lived before.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL BAD ABOUT ANYTHING. NEVER EVER, NOW AND FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
It is YOU that makes YOURSELF feel bad. You make yourself feel bad and unhappy because you believe you deserve it. This happens probably because of our domestication when we grow up. When we were little children, whenever we did something out of the social norm our parents punished us. So we created a defense mechanism so that our parents didn't need to punish us, we just punished ourselves. So for example, if we do something silly we get embarassed. We get to feel bad in order to be accepted and loved by the people around us. This is serious stuff for a child because it means survival.
If this seems oversimplified, fuck that. I'm not here to explain this in detail. What matters is the solution:
LOVE THYSELF
Love yourself completely and fully, always, 100%, every single moment of your life. Never allow yourself to feel bad about anything. Feel good at all times.
Now you might say you don't control how you feel. Yes you do.
What is the ideal state?
What does it mean to love yourself?
LOVING YOURSELF MEANS FINDING PLEASURE IN YOUR EXISTENCE RIGHT NOW
As you are sitting here, you might feel good, bad, bored by the article. You might be thinking, analyzing, rationalyzing... now fuck all of that and consider it mental noise. Focus on just one thing. Try to find something pleasurable in the sensations of your body. This is important because I'm not talking about intelectual pleasures so much. I'm talking about feelings. You might like the warmth of the room, or the comfortablness of the chair you are sitting on, or find pleasure in music that is playing right now.
