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Original discussion thread: http://fastseduction.com/discussion/fs?action=9&boardid=2&read=84427&fid=23
For one thing, if you're looking to get into longer term relationships with really quality women, then meeting them in nightclubs often will not lead to that. If you picked her up there, chances are good someone else will do it a week from now.
Secondly, if you work a 9-5 job or another type of career, you want to incorporate women into your life rather than having to out there looking for them when you're not working.
What's better than having your social network do the work of hooking you up, so you can escalate? If you put all this responsibility on yourself, you're handicapping yourself just like if you were running a business all by your lonesome. This cannot scale, and unless you get a company together you cannot make more money beyond a certain point.
Also, I want to touch on one thing which I don't see a lot of PUAs talk about. There is talk of approach anxiety in the man, and this is true. But one of the main reasons responsible for it, is the following phenomenon:
Women in general do NOT like to be cold-approached.
They would much rather prefer to meet their knight in shining armor through friends, or at a party where there are at most two degrees of separation between the two of you. If you're famous, this reduces your degree of "separation" with a huge amount of people, but that's another story.
There is a pretty good evolutionary tale that might explain this. Women who were trusting and met up with strangers that no one in their social circle knew, were either killed, or knocked up and had to raise the children on their own, as the probability of the guy sticking around was much less, with no social pressure on him to do so. Again, I don't believe in such black-and-white things, but rather it suffices to say that women are generally weaker, women get pregnant, and it's a much bigger investment for her to get intimate with you, so she prefers to have her social circle approve of you.
I've asked many women if they like to be approached out of the blue. The truth is, there are ways that women really enjoy, of being approached without any social context. But here is the main point: in order to do so, you need to walk a fine line. You need to know the techniques. If you mess up, you're a goner. Not so if you come recommended.
Here is the main distinction:
When you meet women within a social context, you can be yourself from the first moment. Which is much more relaxing.
Not to say you should never cold approach! I'm just saying that it's much harder.
Principle #1) DO NOT BE MAN AGAINST THE WORLD.
You are living in th world. You want to achieve something and the world is not letting you achieve it. In my case it is to find smoking hot women and have them as lovers or friends.
How do you go about doing it? Well, consider a business. You could run it all by yourself, but you'd have to handle EVERY aspect, including finding clients, including providing the service, including learning new ways of doing it better, and still you are only one man. And yet there are guys like Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates which have an entire company carrying out their vision. Who is more powerful?
A man never becomes great by himself. There must always be people you must convince to stand with you. This is the main skill you must cultivate.
Principle #2) EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS YOUR ALLY
There are several reasons for this.
Secondly, this is how you convince people. If you're only focused on what you want ("I need to get the girl!" or "I need you to introduce me to some high society folks!") then the other person does not feel like they are getting anything out of it. Instead, listen to them and figure out what they want. Then make it their idea to get together again. Make sure it's your mutual idea to escalate.
Again, to become great you must get people to stand with you. They will stand with you if you provide them with value, and they can exchange value with you.
If someone treats you well, reward this person. Escalate with them. If someone treats you poorly, then let them know about it. If they already know about it, consider removing them from your life. They may get back in when they are your ally. Everyone around you should be your ally, and the rest are able poison your potential. none of this "keep your enemies closer" crap.
SOCIAL POTENTIAL - This is the probability that your social life will improve. (It can also be specific to a certain context, like getting ahead in the movie industry.)
When you build your social circle, you should rarely be trying to nail every given social opportunity. Just like you should rarely set as your goal to close the girl you're talking to. If your social potential is low, you can try to get it up by forcing people to meet with you, but it reeks of neediness and has the opposite effect.
Instead, you should work on improving your social potential.
Let me illustrate two approaches using a social network:
You meet a cool person who can introduce you to their friends. You hang out with them once, exchange numbers, then call them to hang out again. They hang out with you again and you come by yourself, and they bring two friends. You win over their friends.
Approach #1) Keep calling this person and keep seeing what they're doing so you can come with them.
Approach #2) Get to know their friends (e.g. on facebook) and build up social potential by casually knowing several people in that social circle and making a good impression on all of them.
In the second approach, you have a much BIGGER social potential. First of all it's not dependent on that one guy. As a result, you can lightly ping people once in a while and it reverberates throughout the social network. Eventually you'll hang out with one or more of the guy's friends and will be much more "in" with the group.
I am more in favor of the second approach. Is it going behind the guy's back to meet his friends? I don't think so, this isn't business, where going behind the middleman's back is an act of war
Okay, so here are some examples of how to build up your social potential:
Exchange numbers with a lot of people and follow up with them.
Give your number out to lots of people, and do not pressure them to call you.
SOCIAL VALUE - the people they will meet through you
and whatever else you may think of. These are probably the main four you should offer as a man.
Let people know from experience that almost every time they call you, they get value out of it.
Eventually you will have girls calling you left and right, if you want that.
You can think of social potential this way: any given day of the week, someone can call you up and invite you to chill with them. If you have high social potential, you have options. You can call the shots. If you don't have high social potential, raise it but do it in a way that does not stress any one "branch" between the nodes in a social network. Spread out your efforts by pinging small interconnected social pockets and sometimes bring together disparate ones. There's a whole art to this.
Next time I'll talk about SOCIAL MOMENTUM.
Alright, I'm going to start writing a little bit regarding how to improve your social life. I really believe this is much healthier and more important than relying on yourself to meet hot women.
When you meet women off a cold approach, there is little room for error. You have to do things just right, and maybe being yourself won't exactly work yet (Mystery says that's why you play the game.)
Alright, now I'm going to get into the main principles.
First of all, attitudes transfer. If you treat them as adversaries, they will feel that way. If instead you interpret everything they do and deflect it into a win-win for both of you, they will be won over. (Example: girl - "what, is that a pick-up line?" guy - "depends, did it work on you?")
Now I get to the subject of this post:
Plan outings such as to a concert or happy hour, and invite people.
Do not force anyone to do anything. If a someone does not want to give you her number, don't force them. Just tell them you liked what you saw and you'd like to see them again, maybe invite them to X and Y.
Tell people to call YOU, saying "don't be shy and call me. [smile] Next time we see each other, I'll introduce you to my friends, and we'll go do something fun." AND THEN BE GONE. (This last thing is because people tend to compensate for extreme things. If you are gone too suddenly, they will want to see you again.)
Instead, work on providing value to people:
SEXUAL VALUE - this is specific to women (unless you are gay)
EMOTIONAL VALUE - give women emotional satisfaction, be exciting
LOGISTICAL VALUE - if she doesn't have plans, she knows that if she calls you, she will have plans.
