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Other times it may be a situation where you are at fault, and that does not have to be a scary situation, all of this can be easily handled.
Here's how the process should go.
1- The first step is always the same. Let the woman talk and talk and talk about what's bothering her. Don't give any kind of response, just encourage her to continue talking and explaining how she feels. Don't get defensive. Don't start thinking up excuses. Just keep her talking.
This can work wonders. Here's why.
When a women is upset, she isn't always looking for a response from you. What she is looking for is a release from her negative emotions. It's not about who's right and wrong, it's about the emotion of the moment. The more she talks, the more the negative emotions subside. It's an amazing thing. If you can keep her talking for fifteen minutes, the problem will sometimes disappear without doing anything further. It's like magic.
Here's exactly what to say to keep her talking:
"Can you explain that a bit further?"
Repeat this cycle over and over until she says, "Yes, you've got the idea."
Sometimes this first step alone is enough to make the negative emotions subside, and then you're conflict is resolved. All done. It's a good idea to have sex at this point in order to replace the negative emotions with positive ones.
If things seem unresolved, go on to step 2.
2- Tell the woman that you understand how she feels, and that it is a legitimate emotion. Maybe add in that you don't think it's unreasonable, and you don't think she's being crazy.
The idea here is to give her validation for her emotions.
This is not a debate of facts and fictions. Try to avoid any debating of what happened,. Don't talk about who's right or who's wrong. Just stick to the emotional side. She's on an emotional journey.
It's not a court case.
It's not the high school debate team.
In many cases, the facts don't even matter. Only the emotion of the moment matters.
Giving the woman validation can sometimes solve everything, so don't be afraid to give her this.
If necessary, move on to step 3.
3- Explain to the woman that the issue you're having is a normal part of relationships, and lots of people have gotten through similar problems. When a woman's emotions have been going crazy, little things can seem like the end of the world. The last thing you want to do is let your emotions get out of control too.
A woman would never tell you this, but in the back of her mind, she knows she has a tendency to freak out and make things more dramatic than they need to be. Women don't fully trust their own emotions.
These crazy emotions have probably gotten her into trouble before, so she doesn't want a man who takes her emotions TOO seriously. You have to recognize what she's feeling. You have to have an awareness of what she's going through, but you don't have to make it a big deal. And you certainly shouldn't let your own emotions start running wild. If you do, she will lose trust in you. She wants a man who doesn't freak out, even when she is freaking out.
So saying stuff like "this is normal" and "I think we can get through this" will start to bring her back down to earth.
If necessary, go on to step 4.
4- De-personalize the topic.
Try to cut to the heart of what's going on, let's say maybe it's a jealousy issue. Then ask her "What do you know about jealousy? Tell me your opinions on it."
This creates an discussion that is more general and intellectual. This makes is less likely that either of you will attack the other in a personal way. Attacking each other will escalate the disagreement, and that would be bad news for you!
Your goal should be to weather the storm and get through this as quickly and harmlessly as you can. You're not trying to prove a point. It's not about right and wrong. It's about getting rid of negative emotions and creating positive emotions. That's conflict resolution.
By this point, 99% of conflicts will be resolved. Then you should be showing positive vibes to your woman. Tell her "I think everything is going to be great" or "I think you're really wonderful." Maybe throw in "Wow, it's so easy to talk to you." That's how you start to turn the negative experience of conflict into a positive experience.
If it becomes necessary to punish her for creating drama, don't do this with words, do it with distance. if you say anything hurtful to her, she might replay it in her brain over and over and it could ruin everything. You might escalate the conflict. This is never good.
Women are not motivated by your words, they are motivated by the desire for emotional closeness. The thing women fear the most is being ignored. They equate being ignored with abandonment. This is a punishment that will make her think twice about freaking out on you again, but it doesn't escalate the conflict.
A simple way to do this is to tell her "Hey I might need to think about this cause it's making me mentally tired. I think I'm going to go home and take a nap." Then take off. She'll be less likely to create drama in the future because she will equate drama with abandonment. This is a last resort and is not necessary in most cases.
Why do women create drama unnecessarily? Sometimes it's just because she is emotional or had a bad day. But other times, it is because she hopes to get some kind of benefit or power from the conflict.
By hearing her out and validating her emotions, you're actually not giving away any power in the relationship. You're not agreeing to make any change or set up any new rules. If you resolve conflicts by appeasing her and giving her more power, you encourage her to make conflict more often.
The desire for more power is at the root of many interpersonal conflict. You can avoid losing power in your relationship by following the steps I just outlined for all your conflict resolution.
See ya next time
There will come a time when a woman will be upset with you for something. It may be something real, or it may be something imaginary. Women go through massive mood swings, as we all know. Sometimes this will result in a woman getting more upset than she needs to, or making a mountain out of a molehill.
"And what are you feeling when that happens?"
"How long does the feeling last?"
"Does this bother you all the time or just once in a while?"
"Ok let me see if I have this straight...(rephrase everything she just said)...."
"Hey I want to make sure I understand it, can you tell it to me one more time."
"A ha, I think I get it, you feel like...."
