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Original discussion thread: http://fastseduction.com/discussion/fs?action=9&boardid=2&read=92770&fid=23
So here is a practical guide.
WHAT TO TALK ABOUT WITH WOMEN:
You mix it up from the following three categories:
1. What does she know about you?
* what fascinates you, what are you excited by?
* consider what you have been doing for the last 2 years. Describe it. Any interesting episodes? Any funny phenomena about your activities (like people constantly snapping pictures of weird things, etc.) that she can relate with, or laugh at with you?
* growing up, things that you and your friends did that is an interesting look at who you are
These are topics about your world, that she may not know about. The overall subtext is, here is my world, it's interesting. I enjoy my life. I can give you emotions.
Do not keep going into too much detail and filler. Instead, let her ask you more if she is interested. If you described what you do, and feel like if you continued it would get boring, move on to an interesting episode or aspect of what you do.
2. What do you have in common?
* places -- where have you been? where do you want to travel? favorite restaurants in the city? comedy clubs?
* activities -- sports, such as skiing. Gym, jogging. Hobbies. Music and art. Activities you're both interested in are good because you can lead into an activity close later.
* entertainment -- favorite movies, favorite books, what do you like about them, music, bands, broadway shows, tv shows, etc. The nice thing is that you can go from things you both like, to sharing things you like but she doesn't know, and vice versa.
* food -- what drinks does she like? (probably girly drinks). do you like sushi? i love pasta, I can cook X ...
* growing up -- this is a special one because it concerns things that have already happened, unchangeable. If you liked the same things back then, that's a strong bond.
These are topics that you can both talk about. A lot of the time guys would get stuck only talking about stuff that the woman doesn't know much about, and she wouldn't really feel connected. Before you meet her, she has a life. You are just one guy she recently met. But she already has connections to that professor in college, that band, and has some image of Britney Spears in the periphery of her mind. So if you connect on these points, you now establish all these connections to her, you become more real.
Often when I'm on a date with a woman, I would blank out on common topics, and I'd wind up talking on whatever topics the conversation was on, and wouldn't establish any great connections. So this is a good list.
Try to steer away from politics, religion, abortion, and so on. Talking about these topics may be good or bad, depending on what your purpose is. See below.
3. What do you know about her?
* What is important to you? What should I know about you?
* Would you consider yourself a good friend / life of the party / conservative / a supportive sister / a rebel / someone who's always nice to people
* What do your parents do / friends like to do for fun?
Often if you just asked her "what do you like" or "what do you do for fun" they wouldn't come up with much, unless they really liked you and tried hard. But if you asked e.g. "what do your friends like to do", there are many friends and only one of her, so she has an easier time thinking of something interesting.
Is something good to do or bad to do? Good and bad are relative to whatever purpose you have in mind. For example, if you say something rude to a homeless man, he takes offense and leaves, that is bad if your purpose is to have him like you, and that is good if your purpose is to stop him from bothering you.
Likewise, is disagreeing with a woman good or bad in your conversation? If your purpose is to hook up for the night, then it would be bad, since it would unnecessarily decrease the chances of both of you getting hot and sweaty that night. If however you are dating and looking for a long term relationship, you might WANT to bring up topics that would screen women on crucial things. If you guys disagree, you can save time and remain friends. If you agree, great and you have that much more in common, which you wouldn't with other people. You might want to bring up religion, politics, or her views on things that are really important to you.
So the above can be used for both dating and the initial conversation. However, a cold approach is different because you might not have the opportunity to just sit around and talk about these topics. You must create that opportunity in the first place.
1. What to do?
You will see lots of beautiful women, and women dressed really gorgeous, etc. What should you do? You should do whatever is GOOD to do. Good and bad are relative to whatever purpose you have in mind, as described above.
So if you see a woman in a short skirt and shaking her ass, don't get mad because she is teasing you and will blow you off. She's not doing it to YOU, she didn't even know you'd be there. She dressed up because she wants attention and to feel good about herself. She is also sending a message to other women. And you... Would you rather all the women around you looked good, or looked bad? I'd rather they all look excellent. It is up to ME whether I approach or not.
It would be a different story if she came up and said "would you buy me a drink", and then said "I have a boyfriend!" That is something she is doing to you. Come to think of it, a good response to "would you buy me a drink?" is "do you have a boyfriend?" See 3. challenges, below.
So to answer the question of "what to do", you must know what your purpose is. If your aim is to meet this girl for the purposes of hooking up, or more nobly to date her and see where things go, then you must come over and say hi. So then proceed to step 2. If your purpose is to have fun with your friends, by all means do whatever you feel like doing, including looking directly at her, admiring her beauty, openly discussing what you think. Why not? If she comes over and starts talking to you, well guess what, she started talking to YOU, and you can be yourself. I'm basically saying, there is no reason to approach a girl just because she is hot, or feel mad thinking "the bitches are all teases".
2. Logistics
Whenever you spot a woman you like there is always the situation in which you spot her. She may be walking on the street, or tanning on the beach, or studying by herself in a library, or sitting by herself in a bar, or sitting with one other friend, or sitting with a group of friends at a table, etc.
Each situation is unique -- and you might learn good ways to meet women in some situations and not others. If she is sitting by herself in a bar, she is most likely waiting for someone. If she is sitting with one other friend, it's likely one of them is single (but might not admit it). If she is in a group, well, Mystery would be a better man to ask about that one. You should probably focus more on the group than on her for the first several minutes. Group social dynamics is a whole separate topic anyway.
There is a method to learn and get better all on your own, and it is this: think of something that you think might work well, go try it, and if it works keep doing it. When it fails, try improvements until they fix the problem. A friend of mine recently told me an addition to this method: be willing to try, even if you are not yet ready. Just don't be afraid of failure (see 3. challenges) .
This method is especially important for developing your game in different logistics. You might be the man who has no fear approaching in bars and clubs. Or you might be the guy who pulls from the dance floor. Or you might be the guy who meets women when he's alone during the day, and goes out at night to drink with his buddies and women he met during the day. You might be an expert at meeting on the beach -- say in Cancun on spring break Or on the train where you spend 2 hours every day. But then you see that girl sitting in a group at a table, and you don't know what to do. So use the method above to figure out what to do, or don't approach in that situation.
If you really like the girl, but know no method of conquering the logistics, you can try one decent attempt: have interesting business cards with you. Write with a pen: "call me, I'll explain later" or something to that effect. Come up quickly, look her in the eyes and give her this business card.
Another good general principle I have discovered is that if you don't know what to do in the logistics, you can pretend to be a person who is entitled to be there and interact with people. For example if you want to give her the business card but don't want her group to know (and later discuss) this, you can pretend to be a waiter. More generally, by impersonating an employee of a place, you have an element of authority, which is a very important element in opening.
I would say that for the pre-opening,
Out of all the outfits here, I like yours very much.
I will handle challenges before opening, because our fears are often fears of the unknown. By knowing what to say and do when things go sour, you won't have the fear, because the typical worst case (usually, that you'll be shut down by the girl, not know how to respond, tuck tail and leave, and have them think of you yet another guy who's hitting on them and failed) won't be so bad at all.
I can give you a comeback that will eliminate almost any AA in almost any situation. I recently discovered it and it helps me approach pretty much anywhere. I don't want to share it here because I don't want it to be overused. But if I were to tell a guy who's new to picking up women anything, this phrase would probably be the first thing I would tell them. Because it eliminates any AA, they would approach more often, and hence get more experience, and greater numbers, and more success.
But I share with you other ones besides this "super" comeback.
If a girl asks you a cheeky question, like "do you always wear that?" Don't answer it directly, instead make her follow a strong reframe, such as "I like how you're so observant/witty. Are you always like this?"
If people try to get you to perform, e.g. "hey, play me a song", ask them a question back, like "what time is it?" "3:00". "Well, if it's 5:00 and we're still here, I might play you something." Or: "buy me a drink" "do you have a boyfriend?" "no" (she'll have to say that, LOL). "Who are you with here? ... Introduce me to your friends." Bingo.
Basically use challenges to get people doing what YOU want. By its nature, if someone issues you a challenge, they are expecting a response from you (typically they'd expect you to comply). That gives you a lot of power! Instead of replying to their challenge, you interject your own frame, and they are almost forced to play along because of the unresolved challenge which they themselves started. In the example above, you practically force the girl to admit she is single and introduce you to her friends and therefore invest more into you, when she expected you to invest into her (which you will, but on your terms).
So if you're afraid of doing something because of a rejection, think of the rejection as a challenge, and think of ways to use the power that the challenge gives you. Most girls would expect you to walk away, but you use that to get HER to do things for you. This is powerful, and this will free you up to take your interactions a lot further!
4. Opening
Okay so I am not great at indirect game, honestly. I feel like I have to either have indirect game mastered, or not really attempt it. That's because half baked indirect game will probably get you nowhere, and you're not going to get much success out of your approaches until you learn to calibrate well.
So I'm just going to talk about normal natural game», i.e. doing what you want but in a tactful way that women like.
First of all you have to take in the mindset of the people you are approaching and opening. The venue (beach, bar, train, bookstore) is one big consideration. Their perspective is another. I would say (from experience) this is the only time you should really consider their perspective into account. Once you have approached, you look at things from your own perspective. I used to try to do gamey things that would try to alter her image of me in the moment, like backturns or palm reading or whatever. Then I noticed that by being myself and being a bit "self-centered" and only looking at things from MY perspective, it was actually better, as it sucked the other person into my perspective too. It also made me less calculating and more genuine.
Anyway, before you approach you SHOULD consider their mindset and try to get on the same wavelength. This will be key. If they are getting hit on all night, then maybe meet them group-to-group so they don't think you're yet another guy to hit on them. Our group is from X, your group is from Y. Meet each other, then all go lock in somewhere together.
I think there are three components in opening that if present make it optimal:
a) authority - prevents them from turning away. I have a great opener which again I don't want to share because I don't want it to get overused. Argh, I know. Opens pretty much every time.
b) lockin - prevents them from leaving or giving you an insanely small time window. Sometimes you can lock in slowly and deliberately before you ever open your mouth. Look them in the eyes and be comfortable about it. This shows confidence and makes them expect you to say something.
c) hook - this prevents them from simply not responding, or responding weakly. Sometimes you may have a small time window until they are hooked. In general do not ever give a desperate attempt to make your case if you have to rush, I have made this mistake many times. Instead, hook them so they start asking you, and you have them right where you want them.
In a purely theoretical sense, then, an "ideal" way to open would be to come by slowly and deliberately while pretending to be the club owner, pull up a chair right next to some girls, and challenge them to see if they can solve some interesting riddle. Then don't give them the answer, but switch the topic to getting to know them.
Okay I guess the first few statements can be kind of indirect, if you need to hook them. Since the hook usually has nothing to do with actually getting to know them. If they are not open enough to the conversation, you might need the triple whammy of authority, lockin and hook before you can have a normal conversation with them.
Usually there will be some shared reality when you're approaching them. Maybe you are all at the same party together. Or at a concert hearing the same band. Or you are in all in a dance club. The best initial topics for social gatherings are about the shared situation: what are they doing here, how did they hear about it, where are they from, have they been to X, how do they like Y, etc. Or if it's a bookstore, you'd ask what they are doing there, what books do they like to read, have they read X, etc.
If you feel like you can't ask a question directly, like "Where are you from", you basically do a one-two punch of 1) an assumption, and 2) your actual question. For example: "You don't look like you're from new york." "Where are you from?" Or, throw in some social dynamics, tell one girl about the other: "She totally looks like rock musician." Then ask the other: "Oh yeah, what do you do?"
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OK, so that should prepare you to cold approach fearlessly in many situations, hook them, and start a normal conversation. I would just suggest, for group situations, that group-to-group dynamics are more powerful than just approaching a group by yourself, since there are many more connections that spontaneously form. So I would imagine that you'd have MUCH better results (and more fun too) if your entire group was within earshot of the group you are approaching. Then you could come in and pull the other members of your group in spontaneously, as opposed to having to meet a group all by yourself, and then have to break state to meet the rest of your group.
I wrote down some things today under the heading "teaching", and I want to share them with you. They say we learn a lot through teaching others, and that's certainly true. Writing this down helped me crystallize a lot of what I need to be doing consistently. It will help me, and I hope it will be of value to you all.
* people -- it's a safe bet that you both can talk about celebrities and other well known figures. But if you both know the same professor, or the same band, etc. then that is even closer together.
Okay, so I feel like having these topics in the back of my mind helps A LOT. First of all, I won't blank out on how to connect with a woman, because I am nervous and really want it to work out. Second of all, it lets me maintain the flow of the conversation and make sure it goes well. If she's not talking enough, I'd stop talking about 1. go into 2. and 3. If she is talking too much, I'd go into 1. I would tell her "you know what happened to me last week", and she'd stop interrupting me because how could she interrupt something she doesn't know about. I also will avoid talking about 1. and then 3., which without 2. would leave the two of us with a sense that we might both be interesting people but from two different worlds, with no real connection. And as we all know, women need to feel connection before getting intimate with you. For a solid seduction, it might even be even more important than pure attraction without any connection.
MINDSET AND PURPOSE
COLD APPROACH
3. Challenges
5. Asking questions
I am going to put my balls where my mouth is and go take my own advice now.
