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Original discussion thread: http://www.fastseduction.com/discussion/fs?action=9&boardid=2&read=101763&fid=8
Anyway, chasing vs. not chasing with 2 examples:
Chasing:
There's this bartender that works at a bar that my band plays at. She is one of 4 bartenders that work there, and hardly anyone really considers her "smokin hot" like some of the other bartenders that work there. However, there is something about this girl that I find amazingly sexy....the way she looks, acts, talks, etc...no one I talk to seems to feel the same way as I do though, but still I'm very attracted to this girl....it's just something about her.
Everytime I play there, I shoot the shit with her....However, I never really knew how to go about "getting her". So the other night, after I got done playing there, I texted a female friend of mine who is a friend of hers. I said, "What's up with HBbartender, she got a dude?"
She said "nope", and she was gladly down for hooking me up.
The next night HBBartender and her came out to another gig of mine, and I felt a mutual attraction between the 2 of us. Unfortunately, I had to stay after until 4 am to load all the equipment (that's the shitty part about being in a band), otherwise I would have hung out with her afterwards....So, I got her number, and gave her a kiss on the cheek goodbye.
I figured, "Cool! I got her number....now I can finally take this thing further with this girl that I have always found insanely sexy"
The problem is that I then started to fall into my usual patterns of "chasing"....I texted her the next day just to bullshit with her, "How you feeling today?"....which led into a fairly long back and forth text convo. Her responses showed that she was interested (as opposed to the chicks that give the boring, one-word answers, that obviously are not interested).
So at one point I said, "We have to hang out sometime when I'm not playing." To which I got another favorable response, "Definately, let me know!! I bartend Mondays and Fridays."
So far...so good. Now, I was going to wait until the following weekend, and then go do something with her, but I kinda wanted to strike while the iron was hot so I texted her Tuesday with "How you doin today?"....she told me that she was at a concert....
I said, "Nice! I was seeing if you wanted to go shoot some pool, but have fun!"
She replied, "After the concert I will."
"Ok, we'll see what time it is, let me know.", I said.
"K, I'll call you when I'm on my way home."
...well, as expected, she didn't end up texting me back until like 12:30 in the morning, telling me that she is exhausted and is just going to go to bed. That is understandable considering she just got done a concert. I was already in bed by that time anyway, since I had work the next day, so I didn't respond.
Anyway, so far all is good....but the point is that I'm chasing her. She's not necessarily displaying lack of interest, but she's also not displaying interest either. Usually when a girl is into me, she initiates texts/calling and always makes herself available....so far, I haven't gotten any of that from this chick.
In my past, I would continue to chase and try to get her to hang out with me (puke)....now, I'm just gonna chill, wait till either the weekend, or next week or something, and possibly invite her out again. If she is busy, and still doesn't do any initiating or chasing of her own, I'm not gonna continue chasing her. Move on.
I have noticed a similar pattern in all the girls that I get their numbers....I always am trying to get them to hang out with me, and usually they are 'hard to get'....
I need to flip the script here!
Not chasing:
I've been talking to this other girl on facebook for a little while, and last night I decided to go have a beer with her. I knew she would be down, because she's showing more interest in me then I am showing in her.
"Let's go get a beer tonight", I said.
She replied, "Sure, where at?"
"XXX bar"
"K, what time?"
and so on....
So I decided to try something new on this "date" or whatever you wanna call it around her. Rather then trying to 'kino' and 'push/pull' and 'attract' (That's JohnnyC stuff, who is the master at the pool/beer/push-pull date. For now, I'm looking to find my own thing.), I decided to play my own game....and that was to go out with the mindset that I'm not looking for any specific outcome other then to just get drunk and bullshit with my new 'friend'.
This is not the same as 'friendzone' either, because I'm not scared to make moves on a chick...I do it all the time. The friendzone happens, when you really wanna do something with a chick, but you're scared to, but you keep hanging out with her, hoping that something more will develop eventually. I've only been there once, and it felt pretty shitty.
Anyway, this was different, and girls know the difference. She was kinoing me all night, and buying me shots....and subtlely trying to impress me! I just kept the attitude that I don't give a shit if I hookup or not, and I'm not there to impress or try to attract...
To be honest, after last night I'm not really into this chick though. She's cool, but I don't want to get with her...so I didn't.
After we parted ways, I got the "ultimate IOI" (credit Blackdragon»), where she texts me immediately afterwards. She invited me to go out to see some band with her next Friday. I said, "sure I'm down"....but I'm only going with her as friends, because I'm not interested in her like that.
Anyway, I learned something here (which should have been obvious, but it now finally is sinking in). Chill out, and don't chase chicks. Screen them, see if they are up to my standards....don't try, and let them chase me a bit...
If I wanted the chick from the 2nd situation, I could have her...It's all because of the mindset I had.
The chick from the first situation...well, well see what happens, but I know damn well I'm not gonna go into 'chasing mode' with her like I tend to do with chicks.
The challenge is to be able to chill, screen, and qualify ALL women. When I DON'T do that, and I go into chasing mode....well, let's just say that it doesn't usually work very well!
Little epiphany that I figured I'd share with ya'll!
After 2 years, the idea of "seduction" is finally starting to make more sense to me. I'm not hugely interested in fast pulls, or anything like that. Surely, that is seduction too, but the type of seduction I have always been interested in was to be able to have a woman desire me, and work to get me....I guess you could say I've always been interested in "slow seduction" as opposed to "fast seduction". Maybe it is for that reason, why I never really practiced "PU" very much...rather I always focused on my mindset and how I interact with women.
