A variation of mirroring is discussed in the articles dealing with eliciting values and
using trance-words – that is verbal mirroring. But a better-known variation of mirroring
is physical mirroring. Actually, you’ve most probably been doing it all your life without
knowing it but once you know how to harness the power of mirroring consciously – its like
young Skywalker recognising and harnessing the power of the Force:). Notice how people that seem to be engaged in ann interesting conversation – they are
excited about what they themselves are saying, they are about to say and what the other is
saying, in other words, they have rapport – seem to take the same poses, whether sitting
or standing up. When sitting, either side by side or on opposites sides of the table – one
leans forward and then the other leans forward as well, one leans backward and then the
other leans backward as well, they cross their hands in the same manner, tilt their heads
similarly, seem to be having similar side-activities (one playing with his keychain, the
other with her pen), etc etc. Are they directing their actions consciously? No, all their
energies and concentration is on the discussion, everything else happens subconsciously.
But actually, they don’t even have to be having a discussion, they may just both be
thinking their own thoughts… and still you can see mirroring going on – they make the
same movements almost the same time without seemingly without having any perceivable
interaction with the other person. What is all this knowledge good for? Well, mirroring can be used as a tool for building
rapport. Being similar or having someone similar in your vicinity creates a feeling of
ease, comfort, being understood, protected (should there appear a threat of any sort,
there’s two of you now:) etc. So you can use the power of mirroring to create these
feelings in the one you are mirroring, she’ll subconsciously link all those feelings to
you (after all, you are the one mirroring her:) and rapport is going to develop between
you without you having lifted a finger (unless she lifted a finger and you had to mirror
her:). How, whom and from where should I mirror? Whom – that’s easy, the girl you want of
course:) How – assuming the same posture, doing the same movements with your hands, in all
respects using your body in a similar fashion to hers. More aspects of mirroring are:
- following – doing the movements after she did them. Note that although your mind screams
“This is stupid! I’m going to get caught! She MUST see me doing the same movements!
This is ridiculous!”, don’t’ listen to it, fight it, it is the voice of the Dark
Side!:) Why? Because they NEVER NOTICE it! Instead, they feel more comfortable and relaxed
in connection with you, and eventually (that’s why you even bothered, right?:) – more
drawn to you.
- pacing – doing the movements the same time with her. Yes. Sounds impossible? Well it
isn’t. Have you ever noticed how you sometimes happened to do the same things at exactly
the same time with another person. Maybe yawn and then have a laugh about it:)? Because
you thought it was accidental? Well it wasn’t, you had reached the second stage of
mirroring:) (Yawning is not a good example though, the last thing you want is the girl
yawning with you:). But there’s nothing magical all supernatural about doing the movements
at the same time, because essentially the second phase is a stage of transition between
the first and the third. In mirroring there’s always a leader and a follower. So far she
has been leading you (because you’ve been following her) but now you are coming to the
stage when YOU will be leading her! And the inevitable stage between following and leading
is pacing – you are doing movements simultaneously.
- leading – if you’ve done your mirroring right, have followed and paced, then you are
ready for a revelation. You can lead! Try it. Cough. She coughs. Scratch your elbow. Well
maybe she’ll scratch her shoulder instead of her elbow, big deal:) In addition to being a
tool of building rapport, you can lead her into doing some pretty fun stuff. Do a movement
with your hands mimicking the parting of legs (this should be associated with something
you are talking about, if it looks strange, she’ll notice it and you don’t want her
conscious attention on your movements, keep her mind busy with what you’re talking about).
Watch her legs part:) Have fun:)
Another more advanced aspect, although controversial as to the effectiveness of it, is
mirroring her blinking her eyes and breathing. Being able to mirror her breathing and
blinking her eyes is supposed to create an even deeper rapport, but first of all – trying
to see when she breathes might seem like you staring at her breasts (and you would NEVER
do that, would you?:); and secondly – all the concentration required to detect and match
your breathing and blinking with hers will take away much-needed attention from what she
is saying, how is she responding to your patterns, values, kino etc, so eventually this
could do more harm than good. As to from where to mirror – the most common situation is when you’re talking to her.
But you can also try mirroring from a distance, say in a classroom, meeting, night-club or
cafeteria, just make sure she has a chance to subconsciously detect you mirroring her, in
other words, she must be able to see you (so you can forget about mirroring her while
watching her take a shower through a peep-hole:). A technique of creating instant rapport by “faking” body-language. Tom, ASF:
“I just finished another book about body language», and they mention several times
that when someone is interested in a discussion, they tilt their head slightly. I thought
that now that I knew when someone was interested, maybe I could do the same to
“simulate” my deep interest in what they say. And… it works! When someone’s
like “and you know, my dog just got a new collar and it fits wondefully with the
living room furniture; the shade of green is just the same as the kid’s bedroom carpet and
that’s great because…” – usually you would be using a few words they said (dog,
collar, etc) and using the same adjectives (wonderful, great, etc) and ask something
making them continue. But when you tilt your head slightly and do the same thing, it’s
obvious the impact is much stronger.” Maxim (http://maximmag.com):
“I love it when a guy sort of mirrors my physical behavior, like when I’m
sitting across from him and I lean in to say something, I like him to lean in. If I’m
talking really fast, and he can keep up with me, it makes me feel like we’re in the
same place. If I’m being a little frenetic and he’s slow and relaxed and
laid-back, I feel really far away.
—Carlie, 30, Salt Lake City” |  |
