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“How To Act Comfortable…” – September 21, 2001
This week I want to talk about a problem that is far too familiar to most of us guys…
We start talking to a woman that is REALLY attractive to us, then instantly start to feel nervous and unsure of what to do or say next.
Ever happened to you? I thought so.
I constantly have guys email me with questions like:
“What should I talk about with her on our first date?”
and…
“How do I keep from getting nervous and saying something dumb?”
What I think is more important is HOW TO CREATE THE OVERALL MOOD AND FEELING THAT YOU ARE TOTALLY COMFORTABLE WITH HER.
See, if you act uncomfortable, she’ll feel it. The idea is to come across like you are cool and calm… which will create an environment that is more likely to result in her being ATTRACTED to you.
I have a few simple things that I do when I first start talking to a woman that set up the whole future of the relationship. And I not only use these things in the beginning, but also into the first dates.
Remember, the idea is to do things that you would only normally do if YOU felt comfortable with HER.
Here are a few of my favorites:
1) Mimic something that she’s doing in a funny way. For instance, if she has really rigid posture, pull your shoulders back, sit up extra straight, and say “I really think you should work on your posture.”
This usually gets a confused laugh, because I’m sending a mixed message, and I’m playing. People only do things like this if they’re feeling comfortable, so this sends the message that I’m in a fun, comfortable mood.
2) Pick up something small and swat her with it! This is one of my very favorites. Now, I don’t mean hit her in a way that will hurt or leave a mark… I mean pick up a napkin and swat her in the arm with it when she makes a smart-alec comment.
What’s this all about? For some reason, when you do this VERY childish thing, it just lightens up the situation, and makes her get into a playful mood. I also like to use this one after I’ve made fun of her and she’s pretending that the comment bothered her. Try napkins, small menus, or other things that won’t hurt, but will be funny.
3) Let things distract you. If you’re having a conversation, turn away once in awhile and let things distract you. Get into conversations with other people. Walk away for a few minutes and let her fend for herself for awhile.
If you pay too much attention and are watching her every move, you run the big risk of coming across as overly attentive or smothering. By letting your attention wander off once in awhile, it creates a mood of “I’m comfortable enough with you to know that if I go do my own thing for a bit, you’ll still be here when I get back.”
So there are three things that I use all the time to project that I’m comfortable. What others can you think of?
As you know, I think that using specific kinds of humor and body language» can also make a powerful impression, and show that you are the one that is in control of the situation.
If you want to get all of my best thinking on this topic, I recommend that you check out my eBook “Double Your Dating” at:
And I’ll talk to you again soon,
David D.
P.S. I want to hear your success stories! Send them to me at:
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This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit http://www.doubleyourdating.com/.
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