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10 Ways Guys Kill Attraction
by 60 Years of Challenge
of 60 Years of Challenge
July 15th, 2010
I think pretty much every guy out there can identify with some point in their life where they shot themselves in the foot with a woman (and if you’re honest, probably multiple times).
So in order to help stop this mass masochistic act from continuing, I’ve provided an emergency defibrillator pack to resuscitate your swagger. Avoid these 10 items like the bubonic plague and you’ll be well on your way to letting nature work its spell on all the attractive women you come across on a regular basis.
10. Being Overly Agreeable
If you’ve never noticed this phenomenon among men, let me bring you up to speed. Take a look at how a normal guy transforms into an super attentive and overly excited puppy when talking to a girl he just met. You would swear that women are all master comedians and orators the way most guys act around them. Give it a rest guy, the fact that she lives in XYZ town and went shopping today really isn’t that interesting. No, seriously. It’s not. Stop scrambling your brain trying to find a tangent to such a boring response. She doesn’t care if you like shopping where she shops as well.
9. Overactive Facial Expressions
This one’s an extension of the previous one. When guys are overly agreeable and honored just to be talking to an attractive girl, their eyes and face will light up like it’s Christmas. News flash: it’s not, so take a trip back to reality and realize you’re talking to a normal human being. It’s disgusting when you’re overly excited about nothing when she has done nothing to deserve it. Professional comedians are damn funny, and even THEY have to go out every night and earn every laugh they get. No one gets a free pass. Not her either.
8. Talking Too Much
The most common thing most guys do as soon as they’re in a conversation with a new girl is fill up all the silences with nervous conversation. Trust me, when there’s a lull in the conversation for whatever reason, no one is fooled when you desperately throw a hail mary question or comment in an attempt for silence to not be “awkward”. This is unnatural behavior, you wouldn’t try so hard to fill the silences when you’re just hanging out with your guy friends. Make friends with tension and awkward moments.
7. Lack of Touch with Purpose
Touch is one of the most hotly discussed topics in a seduction, especially since it’s one of the more concrete ways to solidify a connection with a woman. Most men simply do not touch women who they’re interested in enough. It’s as if they think that women are as delicate as brittle china that shatters at the slightest touch. But mainly, they’re scared that the woman will not appreciate his advances. Don’t go the off the opposite side of the spectrum, where you’re touching her and trying to “attract” her. Always touch with a purpose, and remember your purpose is to seduce her. Touch accordingly.
6. Breaking Rapport
Who’s not guilty of this one? Pretty much every guy has gotten it in their head at one point that if being the nice (pushover) guy doesn’t work, then being the cocky and arrogant jerk that women seem to love would work. Actually, it doesn’t. When you think you got the perfect cocky and funny line or a better answer that shows how witty you are, in most cases you are dead wrong and you get docked points for trying to be something you are not. Best case scenario? You’re right, she believes you have the cajones to back up your statement, but then the dynamic between you two has turned into you vs her. People on opposite sides of a fight do not hook up.
5. Talking and Not Listening
An extension of the Talking Too Much syndrome above is when the guy doesn’t listen to what the girl is saying. Now when most guys think of listening, they think of some Dr. Phil segment or some relationship segment on how to listen to your partner better. This is not it at all, when you listen neutrally more than you talk, you set the silent expectation to her that what she says should be important. You’re expecting her to contribute good conversation and not listening to her like a happy camper listening to a bed-time story. (See #9)
4. Making One Big Move
One of the worst things you can do is to put all your eggs in one basket and risk it all on one big extravagant move with a girl you like. It stems from a previous item, Lack of Touch With a Purpose, and the result is usually a guy keeping the vibe between him and a girl largely platonic until he makes that one big move, which is usually a kiss or a confession of love or something. Keep your touch purposeful and the rest will fall into place.
3. Waiting Until You Are Alone to Act
If you haven’t noticed it yet, all of these points build on top of one another, and this one is built on top of having the need to make that one big move. Because the big move has been built up so much, it’s extremely hard for most men to escalate anything with a woman unless they’re alone in a 1-on-1 setting. What’s the result? Platonic vibe and conversation hoping that they can get them alone to make the move. Ditch the move and ditch the need to be alone to seduce her.
2. Bailing Her Out
You ask her out for a date, you ask for her number, you plan an outing… she flakes on your advances and with the speed of a mongoose, you reassure her as quick as possible that it’s ok and that it’s perfectly fine. Aww… what a nice guy, so considerate of her feelings considering she just exhibited anti-social behavior. I mean think about it: if you were gonna take a good guy friend out for dinner sometime and he couldn’t make it, the first thing he would do is show his gratitude and suggest an alternate date. Most men reward bad behavior from a woman with nervous apology. She just did something messed up and you’re the one apologizing? This one’s a deal-breaker for killing attraction.
1. Trying to Impress Her
All of the above attraction killers all stem from one critical thought, and if you get rid of it, everything else pretty much takes care of itself. The urge and need to impress her, show her how cool you are, make a good first impression, show her your best side… all of these are symptoms of the same disease.
You are placing her (unfairly) on a pedestal before you even know her well, you are coming from the position of a beggar trying to entice her with cheap tricks. The truth is, you’re NOT a beggar. She is not some sort of holy grail. She’s just a girl with her own flaws and you are just a guy with your own as well. Nature never designed for you to be attractive only if you were flawless, that is an unfortunate side effect of the conditioning of our society that says you need to do this or that in order to deserve love or get women or respect.
If you think you can out-attract nature, you are grossly wrong. Be who you are without shame, with pride, and let the chips fall where they may. I’m pretty sure you’ll like where they land.
~ 60 Years of Challenge, Dating Coach
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