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Top 10 Mistakes Men Do With Women
by Etienne Charland
of Shamanic Seduction
September 3rd, 2010
Mistake #1: Pursuing women
Most guys will try all kind of things to get women, such as subtly hanging around a cute girl, walking across the bar to talk to a hot girl, trying to be funny and interesting enough to keep her attention, trying to get her phone number or simply wishing to be with the girl next to them.
The problem with all that is that you are pursuing women. No matter how you look at it, women are the ones who decide who they let inside. They look for a man who walks his own path in life, who is centered in his own reality and who is not thrown off balance around her. When you pursue a woman, you are being reactive to her and you are not being yourself, and that’s not attractive. Stop trying to get women, but let them join you in your life. Pursuing women mentally is as bad as pursuing them physically.
Mistake #2: Putting women on a pedestal
Most men will look at a hot girl and wish they would be worthy enough to be with such an incredible woman. You are putting her on a pedestal, you are not being yourself when you do so and that’s not attractive. Some guys will even say funny negative comments to bring women down to their level. That compensates for putting women on a pedestal but it doesn’t solve the problem itself. If you view her from a social perspective, there is no way you can compare to her looks and status unless you are a millionaire or a Hollywood star. However, all is not perfect behind her skin and she is too often hiding all kind of issues and insecurities behind her façade.
If you put all the social crap aside and relate to her as a human being, you have your authenticity, ease for life and care freeness to offer. In fact, you can be at her level before you even say a word by not being thrown off at all by her presence. If you are feeling and behaving exactly the same before, during and after meeting her, you are relating to her on an equal level and that’s very attractive. It is hard for her to find a guy who is not being reactive to her.
Mistake #3: Viewing women as sex
With all the sexy skin shown to us everywhere by Medias, we have been conditioned like dogs to view women as sex. Women have also been conditioned to adapt to that image. When a woman walks around showing her big boobs and make-up and flaunts you like a sex object, it’s hard not to view her as sex. Most men wish they could fuck her good and hope she won’t speak too much.
The problem is, all this leads to the fantasy of sex and creates a bigger disconnection between men and women. All this is social conditioning, is not natural and does not lead to sex. Viewing women as sex gets in the way of connecting with women because you then have an agenda and an attachment to the outcome. You are then trying to get from her, and that is not attractive. Sex is the byproduct of connecting with women. You connect with women by shining with authenticity, integrity and care freeness and by creating a safe space where she is free to like you or not. Once you are really connected to a woman and it feels like there’s only both of you in the world, sex happens by itself and you don’t have to force it.
Mistake #4: Pushing interactions
Most guys fail with women because they try too much to get her. Even trying a little bit is too much. It would be like saying your girlfriend is just a little bit pregnant. Either you are pursuing her, trying to get her and pushing the interaction, or you aren’t. When you push a conversation verbally or physically, she sees the neediness behind it and it repels her. When you are centered in your reality and you communicate with her without expectations or attachments, it leaves space for the connection to happen and you don’t have to push anything. If you try it and it doesn’t work, it’s usually because you still have subconscious attachments to outcomes.
Mistake #5: Using pick-up techniques
To compensate for a lack of success, many men learn and use pick-up techniques. The biggest problem with these techniques is that it works once in a while and it makes men try even more to get lucky again. Using tricks to work around your unattractiveness doesn’t really solve your unattractiveness. Even when you get lucky, it rarely leads to a real connection or lasting relationship because you show a façade that is not really yourself. It’s a matter of time before she realizes who you really are and she decides whether she likes you or not. What really happens is that you interact with a woman, you aren’t thrown off by her and she kind of likes you. You play games and she sees through it so she will reject you, play games too and make you go through hoops, or decide she still likes you and go along. If you can differentiate what helps you from what hinders your success, you can keep your confidence and openness and let go of everything that comes from a state of mind of scarcity such as pick-up techniques. Even if you get lucky once in a while with these techniques, it is way too much work and you can’t spend your whole life pursuing things.
Mistake #6: Valuing make-up, bitches and independent women
Many men consider perfect skin, tight ass and big boobs to be the best women for sex because that’s what we see all the time in magazines. Many men also consider independent career women to be the best for long-term relationships. If that’s the case for you, it makes you live with the fantasy of sex instead of really experimenting it. Women have also been conditioned to adapt to those images by Medias everywhere. That fucks everything up, from breast cancers to over 50% divorce rate to more singles than ever in history. The truth is, women who focus too much on their perfect appearance do it to compensate for a lack of self-esteem and they are disconnected from their authenticity and spontaneity. For that reason, it is hard to feel an emotional connection with them and sex is average and mechanical. Men usually dump them the next day which lowers their self-esteem even more. As for independent career women, their sexuality is locked down because they are too logical and masculine. Relationships with them are often a power struggle and too often end up in divorce. For sex to be good and for relationships to be healthy, you need polarity: a very feminine and confident woman who helps your development as a man. You want authenticity, integrity, care freeness, lightness and spontaneity in a woman to feel one with her. Just shifting your focus of what you value makes a big difference in what you attract into your life: fantasy or reality.
Mistake #7: Trying to be someone else
When you view a man who is very successful with women, you may be tempted to imitate him to get his success. However, he is not successful because of what he’s doing but because of who he is being and the way he lives his life. You and he have different strengths, weaknesses and life path so your styles will be different. You can’t try to be yourself and try to be someone else. When you are acting like someone else, a part of you is repressed and something feels wrong. You don’t want to be your weak self who fails either. There is a powerful and successful self deep inside you but it is hidden behind fears, excuses, and social conditioning. That’s what you want to get in touch with. Charisma with women is not a skill to learn but a natural ability to uncover by unlearning what hides it.
Mistake #8: Watching porn
Another thing too many men do is watching porn instead of having sex. Porn conditions you to live with sex as a fantasy instead of sex as a reality. It also conditions you to view women as a sex and to view sex as a big bang act. Sex is the by-product of connecting with a woman and it is a mind-body-soul experience where you can experience full-body orgasms that sometimes last more than thirty seconds. The reality of sex shown in porn movies where you dump your shit and fall asleep is nothing compared to what sex can be. Watching porn also conditions you to value bitches, prick teases and independent women instead of valuing their authentic feminine nature. When you are not having sex, you are much better to keep your sexual energy and use it to move you forward in life. The best thing you can do to bring sex closer to your reality is to stop watching porn.
Mistake #9: Feeling bad about failures
Another common mistake is to feel bad when you don’t attract women, when you are single, or when women reject you. You feel bad because you are attached to the outcome because you have neediness inside you. That neediness is not attractive and does nothing at all to help you, so let the neediness go. When you walk through the world and you don’t care at all how women respond, that projects a totally different vibe that is attractive. When you come back alone from a bar, do you beat yourself up for failing or are you smiling because you had such a great time? Feeling grateful for what you have and feeling good about what you don’t yet have will shift your reality.
Mistake #10: Saying “this girl is special”
Women want you to be the same before, during and after meeting them. Sometimes you may meet a very attractive and nice woman, think “this girl is special” and start behaving differently around her without realizing it. You then give her too much attention and change your plans too easily for her. You become responsive to her as the stimulus and that’s not what she wants. She wants a man who remains the same around her and who doesn’t get too emotionally attached. Even when I could sleep with several women per week, I met a few “special” girls and although I slept with them, things didn’t work out after with any of them. You are the rare catch; don’t start behaving differently around the best women.
~Etienne Charland, Seduction & Intimacy Specialist
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