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HOW TO GET 10+ PHONE NUMBERS IN ONE NIGHT
by Dr. Alex Benzer
of Tao of Dating
November 5th, 2007
I want to go over a networking technique that I discovered a few years ago which has been really useful in big social events.
For some years, guys have been asking me, "What's the best way of getting phone numbers from multiple women at the same event—especially when some of them know one another?"
They've seen me do it. At one particular party some time ago, I remember getting 22 phone numbers and emails from women who interested me.
So let's frame the challenge here. Let's say you're at an event with over 100 people. Chances are that you are going to meet more than one person that you're interested in keeping in touch with.
Now, if it's just for business purposes, no problem. It's acceptable and even expected that you will speak with multiple people and get their business cards.
But what if you're at a mostly social event, and you're speaking to members of the opposite sex in whom you may have a romantic interest?
Sure, it's expected that you'll be speaking to many of them. But when it comes to closing the deal and getting contact info, a little more finesse is necessary.
Why? Because when it comes to romance, women (and men, too) like to be thought of as unique. And when a woman sees you getting numbers from five other women at the same party, it's harder to see herself as unique.
A recent scientific study showed that a woman finds a man who gives her attention more attractive—but only if she perceives that the attention is lavished on her alone.
As soon as she finds out that the attention is indiscriminate, the attraction wanes
significantly.
Interesting.
Many years ago, I used to get it wrong. I'd zoom in on one person, give her a lot of attention, get the digits, and move on to the next one.
The final result was that I'd end up with a lot of women who were lukewarm about me, instead of a few women who were very interested in me.
Gentlemen—this is not a formula for fulfillment. Let it be heard: Thou shalt take a few intensely interested women over a slew of women of lukewarm interest any day of the year.
At the same time, if you're at a big ol' mixer with tons of attractive women you'd like to meet, you certainly don't want to spend all of your time with just one of them. You'd be missing out on all those other opportunities, and you'd look clingy and desperate to boot just talking to one the whole time.
So is there a way out of this dilemma?
I'm so glad you asked.
The solution is preparation—and a little bit of spontaneity. Because there is a context in which it is perfectly acceptable to speak to many attractive women and get ALL of their phone numbers and emails.
This is when you have an invitation to issue to a fabulous event in the future—namely, your party.
I call it the Impresario Technique.
Now, you're in the position of offering them something of value—the prospect of a fun event. And the only way they can take advantage of it is by providing their contact info.
Heck, it's their idea now. You can even do some teasing and testing to find out whether they're cool enough for your party.
Moreover, you are no longer taking—you are giving. And you have a powerful positive intent (PPI) behind you, as we discussed in "The Tao of Dating".
So now you can go through the entire room and collect contact info to your heart's content. You can even write it all down on the same sheet of paper, which adds an element of social proof and even competitiveness to the whole endeavor.
Now instead of thinking "Well I'm not so sure", they're thinking, "Well I don't want to be left out!". You have changed the dynamic in your favor.
Now I know what you're thinking. "Well, you have a party to invite them to. I'm not that lucky."
Newsflash! Yes you are. Because you can make the party up on the spot. This is called 'information asymmetry'—you may know that there is no party (yet), but nobody else does.
This means you now have to plan and throw a party, since you are a not a person of idle promises. And it's going to be a blast, because you are handpicking all the individuals who will be there.
This is where preparation helps. Also remember that it doesn't have to be your party—it could be an event someone else is having, or a public one even. Just make sure you know what they are and where they're happening, so you have it ready as you're inviting folks.
Here, you are the provider of social capital. Social capital is a form of wealth. Which is just as valuable as other kinds of capital. This makes you a wealthy guy and brings you status. That's the power of the social maestro, the impresario.
That's all for now. Please send me your questions and comments regarding dating, persuasion and networking. I can be reached at dra***x@th***.com[ ? ]
The power is within you,
Dr Alex
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