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HOW TO WORK A ROOM IV
by Dr. Alex Benzer
of Tao of Dating
October 25th, 2007
Just got back from a relaxing and fun birthday trip to our nation's capital, Washington DC. And I have a brief anecdote to share at the end about a realization I had on my birthday after we've gone over today's technique.
DC is a great town. And it's full of people who make their living through their networks. Lobbyists. Interns. Contractors. Journalists. Maybe even more than Los Angeles, Washington DC thrives or languishes by its social networking.
So it was particularly fun to apply my techniques over there to meet some very interesting people and make new friends. In particular, I want to go over one technique which you will like a lot.
This is what I said in the last letter to you: "Next time I'm going to talk about how to show up to a venue in a way that makes you feel like you own the damn place. It's going to be fun, so stay tuned."
You stayed tuned, so here it is. It's called 'making friends with the room', and it's a technique that I learned from Lisa Dalton at the first Transformation Weekend seminar in June 2006.
The idea is this: most of the time when you're going to a social event, it's in unfamiliar surroundings.
Being put in unfamiliar surroundings tends to be anxiety-provoking for any animal.
You may remember bringing a kitten or puppy home for the first time, or taking one somewhere in a car, and how confused they looked in the beginning, gingerly walking about the new environment.
Humans are no different. So unless you're at your local hangout, where you know all the bartenders, waiters and busboys on a first-name basis, then you're probably on unfamiliar ground.
This is completely normal, and it pretty much happens to everyone.
Which means this is a great opportunity for you to have a leg up on everyone. You can do this by having what I call 'host physiology.'
I want to give you the technique so you can use it NOW. As you're going to get lunch. As you're getting coffee at Starbucks.
Wherever you go, this is what you do. Look at the inanimate objects around you. Walls. Columns. Potted plants. Chairs.
Now, what I want you to do is to start conversing with them—as if they're people. You can do it inside your head, or you can do it out loud. Out loud works better for me. And this is what you say: "Hey there, Wall. You're a nice Wall. Let's be friends. Thanks for being a friend, Wall."
Now you do this to every other object in the room. "Hey there, carpet. You're a nice carpet. Let's be friends. Thanks for being a friend, carpet."
Let's be clear here: this is an unusual thing to do. Actually, it's borderline weird. Talking to inanimate objects and asking them to befriend you is precisely the thing that I used to treat patients for in the psych ward.
But guess what: once you get over the goofiness, you find that it works magnificently. Besides, the very goofiness gets you in a good, smiley mood, which is a good spot to be when you're at a social gathering.
Because of the ease and effectiveness of this technique, it gets my highest rating. You can do it and effect a tangible physiological change in your comfort level in under a minute.
Once you have 'made friends with the room', it's a relatively simple matter to extend those good vibes out to the people in the room. If you're looking for more techniques like that, I discuss them in my recorded seminar entitled 'How to Work A Room'. And do send me your questions and comments regarding dating, persuasion and networking. I can be reached at dra***x@th***.com[ ? ].
The power is within you,
Dr Alex
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