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Accept and Follow Your Natural Desires
by Ray Devans
of The Art of the Pickup
January 18th, 2007
If you have watched TV in the last few days you have likely gotten at least another dose of programming that tries to persuade you indirectly or directly not to follow your natural desires as a man.
If you saw a Hollywood movie recently, especially a romance movie, you probably got another dose.
If you watched the news recently, you probably got another dose.
If you read the newspaper, you got a little more.
Just about wherever you go and whatever media you see in our society, there is a subtle message that if you are too overt about directly following your desires as a man, the consequences will be bad or at least embarrassing.
I saw a TV commercial yesterday that was a great example. It was one of those commercials where they parody adult life by having kids acting like adults in a business setting. I don’t remember what was being advertised or even fully what happened but since I am attuned to trying to catch examples of what I call “demasculinization” I did catch that it was another example discouraging men from hitting on women, another example trying to tell you that women have all the power when it comes to selecting men.
Basically there was a girl receptionist/secretary for a company, and a boy and a girl (each about 8 years old but acting like adults, each dressed in business clothing) standing in front of her desk. The girl was trying to set up a schedule for the week, and she mentioned having a dinner appointment. The secretary tells her that appointment has been canceled and the boy coworker volunteers that he is available for dinner with her. Suddenly everything goes quiet except for the sound of the creaky wheels of a FedEx delivery dolly being wheeled across the floor in the background and there is an uncomfortable look on the girl’s face. Then a similar thing happens where later he again tries to make a pass at the girl, and this time she ignores him again and you hear crickets.
Granted his approach wasn’t so smooth, but regardless the message guys get at least on some level is that if they follow their natural desires they are likely to be ignored. This is just one example, but I see countless examples every day.
The first thing you have to learn to do is to be on the lookout for this kind of programming and actively counter it in your mind.
The next thing you have to do is actively start trying to act on your natural desires you have with women. If you find a woman attractive, you have to learn to pursue her instead of hoping she will let you know she thinks you are attractive. It almost never happens that way.
Let me give you an extreme example of what life might be like if you did act on your desires.
You see, I have a friend who is a natural when it comes to women. One of the first times I was out with him, I remember he wasn’t even drinking yet but he immediately told a hot bartender “I really like your ass!” I was pretty shocked because back then I was pretty well brain washed not to ever be so overt. I was getting ready to apologize for him or to get thrown out of the bar, but instead she smiled at him. A little later he told her “You have really great tits!” When she passed by again later he said “I really love your legs!”
Just as I was getting ready for her to go off in a tirade, she instead comes over and leans in to him and says “I like a man who isn’t afraid to express himself like that. I have a boyfriend, really I do, but if I didn’t, I would let you take me home with you tonight.”
OK, I am NOT suggesting saying these kinds of things to women; it is likely to backfire especially if you are not 100% congruent. I tell you this story just to impress on you that some part of a woman’s psyche is actually programmed to respond to a man who follows his true desires and isn’t trying to excuse himself for liking women.
Now that I have learned so much more about women, I am convinced that if my friend had pressed the issue he could have gone home with that bartender that night. Instead, he was just showing genuine appreciation; he didn’t even really care about the outcome.
And again while I am NOT saying to tell women you like their ass or tits, I want you to capture the essence of just acting on your desires and not being ashamed of being a man. If you like a woman, go after her and don’t make excuses about it. That alone can set you apart from all the men out there who follow the programming society gives them to be afraid of women or coming of as a sexual being.
In Robert Greene’s book “The Art of Seduction»” (which I highly recommend), he talks about various archetypes of seducers, one of which he calls ‘The Rake’. The Rake is basically the type of man who really loves women and isn’t afraid to show it. His frame is basically that he is so consumed by passion for a woman that he almost blames her for his attention; he can’t do otherwise but pursue her. It is his strong passion and unyielding desire that make him attractive to women.
The Rake is another example of how following your natural desires as a man and not making excuses can make you more successful with women.
I have mentioned before that a key realization that men should have is that women are sexual beings and want sex as much as men do. But they often have to hide this fact do to even stronger societal constraints. So sometimes they will test men to see if they won’t waste their time when it comes to sex. They will test men by saying things like “you just want to sleep with me, don’t you?”
The average guy will cave in and say “No, I don’t, I am just trying to get to know you first.” In many cases, he has actually shot himself in the foot with such a statement, basically verbally neutering himself.
The man who follows his desires has better answers:
“Only if you are lucky!”
“Yes, I do.”
“No, I don’t want to sleep with you. You and a hot friend of yours together though, that’s a different story!”
The takeaways for you to get from all of this discussion are:
1) Be constantly aware of the ways society and media try to get you not to follow your natural desires as a man.
2) Always strive to err on the side of following your natural desires with women.
3) Women will often test you, so be prepared to let them know in a creative way that you are one of the rare men who won’t try to hide his natural desires.
For a deeper discussion of why these things are important, and to see examples of the kind of male behavior we are talking about, consider picking up a copy of “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs.
And in the meantime, enjoy being a guy!
Ray Devans
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